In Lenfercestlesautres and Scotty's honor...

....this is a drunk post.

I'd like to quote some things from this evening of NotGay and FabulouslyNew.

AKA, a night with my gay boyfriend and the guy who I'm currently seeing.

"Oh, hunny, look at him... just think, that's the ass you get to go home with." -FN about NG, to me.

"Wait... what do you know? Did she say something about me? I'll go down on you if you tell me! (..me making a noise then..) No, QSW, it'll be hot I promise."-NG trying to get FN to speak about what I've said about him.

"Oh yea, I have HIV, Hepatitis A, B, C, And D, and Herpes." - NG
"Hepatitis D?"- Me
"It's a special strain you get from sucking cock." -FN

"Fuckin bitches(raises leg) guys..just like this...and she just put it there. I swear I can get bitches...mumble mumble... (walks off)" - Josh, NG's Roommate.
"What the fuck did he just say?" - NG
"I don't know, but his fly was unzipped." - FN
"Shit" (runs off to tell him, then on way back) Nevermind." -QSW
"What?" - FN
"He said it was so the bitches could suck his cock faster." -QSW quoting Josh

Car ride home, I was driving NG in his car, and FN was following me in my car with Josh.

NG: Will you come with me to my brother's wedding tomorrow?
QSW: You are drunk.
NG: So...
QSW: Hows this..if tomorrow you wake up and still want me to come, then text message me and let me know.
NG: Why would I feel any differently tomorrow?
QSW: Cause the alcohol will have worn off, and since I didn't even know your brother was getting married tomorrow... I have a feeling this is all drunk talk.
NG: Geeeeez.. WOMEN! Will you just be ready to go at 3pm tomorrow? I'll call you then and pick you up.

Arriving at NG's apartment... and having FN waiting in car a few feet away.

NG: Goodnight QSW, (plays with hair then kisses me).
FN: OH MY GOD, I CAN SEE THE BEAUTIFUL BABIES YOU TWO WILL MAKE FROM HERE.
NG: Good.. will you leave us alone so we can practice making them?

I hate men?

Last night, I got home from work and decided two things.

One, that I was going to start running again.
After I was done with my 15 minute run, I decided to quit smoking, period.

I'm not an avid smoker, but apparently what I do smoke is killing me.
Either that or the running.
Running might be a slower version of death.

Where was I?

OK, so I got back from my run, my muscles burning and my veins pumping battery acid, and sat for a long time not moving.* Finally, I mustered a hand movement when my phone chimed "New Text Message" to me. It was from Matt.
I tensed all my muscles harder and opened my phone.
"How are you?"
I was somehow reminded of my first break up with him.

I replied "Good, you?"
Him: "Work - Busy - Boring, What are you up too?"
Me: "Not much at the moment, can I finally get my shoes and return your shirt?"
Him: "Well, I'm going out for Nick's birthday this evening, but what are you doing tomorrow?"
(Tomorrow I'm not busy, er today, and I have no plans, but I felt I was playing a game at this point)
Me: "Oh sorry, tomorrow is no good, well, maybe sometime next week then."
(I didn't even mention the weekend, even though I have no plans for it either)
Him: "Oh yea, sure, I'll definitiely be around then."

I put the phone down shaking, because my arm so so tired of holding it up, and went back to sitting.

A few moments later, my head swiveled towards my computer screen and I saw that my brother was IMing me to tell me that a group was going to see the new Die Hard movie, if I wanted to come with NG.
I picked up the phone with my left hand and started typing out a message to NG.
That lasted only until "Hey, what..." before switching it back to my shaking right hand.
I finally managed the "...are you up too tonight? Interested in Die Hard? A group is going."

I put down the phone my entire arm shaking.
(I'm being very melodramatic here, in case you haven't caught the drift)

A few moments later I got the text, "Hey, I'm going to pass tonight, I think Josh (his roommate) and I are going out for a few."

Josh = Racist, Neo-Nazi prick, who wants to start the Fraternity KKK and invited all of SY's sister's friends to parties there so that the members of the KKK can fuck them.
I don't make this stuff up I swear.

Wow, so NG would rather hang out with Josh.
Boost to my self-esteem right there.

I swiveled my head to my computer again.
FN was IMing me.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"Nothing, about to open a bottle of wine and smoke my last cigarette."
"Why your last? Are you broke?"
"No I'm quitting."
"Quitting is for losers."
"Says... the smoker."
"Well I'm hoping off."
"Wait, what? You are leaving me just like that?"
"No I'm leaving you with a cigarette and a bottle of wine."
"Haha, where are you going? You don't want to come over and drink my wine with me?"
"No dear, not tonight, we've lost two members in our guild and I need to play WOW to help them out."
"Damn, you are so nerdy."
"Says.. the girl who plays euchre all the time."

Strike three and I'm out.

The only positive male influence was a drunk conversation at 4:30am (which would be technically the next day) to which the guy said to me, "No, if you go over to Matt's house you need to walk in there, and every other word out of your mouth should be "NG this, and NG that.""
I thought that was amusing.

*From Fight Club

Conversation...

So.. if I was madly in love with a guy... and that guy started dating one of my close friends... I'd want to know... but after I found out, I'd want to react... and my reaction I wouldn't want the guy I was madly in love with to see.

Did we all follow that?

So I finally decided that I'd tell ID over the phone.
I was going to meet up with him, but I didn't want to tell him, and then sit there and watch him react to it. I didn't think he'd want me sitting there either.
So I told NG that I was going to tell Nate that I was going on a date with NG tonight.
Even though I wasn't planning on seeing NG.
NG was ok with that plan because he was staying in anyways.
So I tried calling ID.
No answer.
A few moments later, I get a text message from ID, and he says, "Working late, but as soon as I'm done here lets go for a beer."

Now I was stuck.
Do I tell him over text or do I call him after he gets off work?
I went for the text, because it was even more of a way of telling him without him having to hold in a reaction.
I wrote back, "I can't tonight I'm sorry."
Him: "Why what are you going to do?"

FN was sitting there when I got that text message, and he said I should write: "I'm going to do a very hot man who's been a bad boy."
I thought I'd share that, cause I laughed pretty hard.

I wrote back: "I'm going on a date with NG tonight."

There was a 15 minute pause.

Then..
"Oh."

I decided to leave it alone for awhile, and let ID get over it.
FN agreed that, that, is what I should do.
So we will see.

A rock... and A hard place.

Last night ID kept calling me and calling me to go out.
I finally picked up and told him I was broke and could not go out.
This was attacked with "Fine, I'm paying for your drinks, let's go."
Sigh.
So it was schooner night at one of the local bars we go to.
You bring the schooner and you can fill it up with beer for two bucks.
When I arrived at ID's house, I asked if he had an extra that I could borrow.
"NotGay has them all, and I tried calling him, but he didn't answer" he said.

I try to avoid conversation about NG because I'm a pansy.

"Ok then, let's go," I said.

"Why don't you try calling him?"

"Why would he answer for me and not for you?"

"I don't know, but sometimes my phone doesn't ring through and just passes onto voice mail," he reminded me, and I knew this to be true, darn it.

"Well I'll call him once we get out to the bars," I was hoping to bide time so that I could text message him first and tell him not to answer my phone call.

"That wouldn't make any sense, call him now, so if he wants to come out he has time to get there before we are ready to order."

Damnit.

So, feeling stuck, I called NotGay.
He answered on the very first ring.
My voice was strained apparently because I was uncomfortable, so he started asking if I was ok.
IrishDrinker is standing there listening to my side of the conversation.
ID mumbled things like "Why wouldn't she be ok?" and "Why is he telling her about his day we just want to drink!"
Soooo uncomfortable.
NotGay had to fire someone that morning and I think he wanted to talk about it so badly, that he missed the fact that I said, "ID and I are standing here wondering if you have extra schooners and would like to come out?"
I felt so bad for NotGay, that I just listened and tried to ignore ID.
Finally frustrated, ID said in a loud voice, "GOSH! I JUST WANT TO DRINK!"
NG heard it, and said, "Oh ID is there with you NOW?"
Sigh.
I confirmed it and NG wanted to get off the phone, because he's a pansy like me.
In fact everyone is a pansy in this situation.
It's been a known fact for so long that ID is in love with me that NO ONE wants to slip up and let the cat out of the bag about NG.
FN and RHM, I can usually ALWAYS count on to let some gossip loose.
Not with ID... both of them don't want to deal with him heartbroken either.
The one time I'd like them NOT to be tight lipped.
Sigh.
ID and I leave for the bar shortly after my phone call ended.
"Did NG say if he got my phone call or not?" ID asked me.
"Yep, he did, he just knew you'd want him to go out, and he couldn't, so he didn't answer." I said.
"Well, then why did he pick up for your phone call then? You just wanted the same thing!?" he said laughing.
I gave him a look.
He didn't get it.
Instead he said, "That's odd."

Two things:
One, I'm getting a little insulted that ID doesn't think that maybe I'm NOT JUST attractive to him, I'm ALSO attractive to NG.
Two, how thick skulled can you be?
Come ON, think it out.
NG doesn't pick up for his drinking buddy, but DOES pick up for a FEMALE.
Gee, I wonder.
So... what did you say... ODD?
I'm just going to get drunk with ID and NG one evening and make out with NG so he GETS THE PICTURE!!!
No I'm not... because I'm a pansy.
Sigh.

I've often toyed with the idea that NG might already believe us to be...
Girlfriend-Boyfriend.
The only difference between that and just dating would be....
Planning-Commitment.

So tonight he came over to see a movie with me.
He had to leave later, to hang out with a friend, but he said he wanted to see me first.
He came over, kissed me, settled in comfortably next to me, and then asked if I was going to be around at the end of July.
I said yes.
He said, "Well I didn't know, because you are leaving the day after my birthday for Michigan."
I gave him a look, "I can't help it that you and my grandfather have the same birthday!"
He started laughing.
"Why do you want to know? Wanna float down a river?" I asked.

Running joke from about a year ago, when I arrived at ID's house and SY and NG were standing on the front porch. NG leaned over to me and said "Hey.. you wanna float down a river with me?" Since I wasn't there prior to any talking, I stared at him and said, "Are you coming onto me?" This got SY into a laughing fit, and made NG very embarrassed. Turns out that NG wanted to take a boating trip to a nearby river and tube down it... I didn't know, and the running joke still remains.

"No, I want you to come to a wedding with me." he said.
Planning....
Weddings?
Commitment?
Oh god...

This was a ball out of left field hitting the pitcher who was pitching.
The entire time I dated Matt, he went to six weddings, all of which I wasn't invited too.
In the beginning I was ok with that, by the year mark, I was hurt he didn't want me to come with, that he was so terrified of commitment that a wedding and me present would make him feel it too acutely.

"Don't kick a gift horse in the mouth," I said to myself.
"Sure." I said.

I feel seduced.

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?" (he is an older man)

I came out of a dream and I realized my face was wet.
I opened my eyes to a panting dog, who had the I-have-to-potty-face.
I looked at the clock ... 7 AM.
I groaned and sat up and looked down at myself, still wearing the clothes from the night before, my shoes were inches away, so I stood up into them, found the leash, and I was out the door.
It was only after the dog pulled me sufficiently outside, did I realize it was raining.
Drizzling anyway.
I stood there, watching a dog pee, in the Seattle-like drizzle, my head pounding.
"How much did I drink last night?" I thought to myself.
It felt like a tag was irritating my shoulder, so I reached into my shirt to find it to rip it out.
What I found was money.
At that point I must have been a sight to see.
I was standing in the middle of an open yard, slightly drenched, while a dog peed next to me, and it looked like I was looking down my shirt at my boobs... which I was... but only because I had money stuffed into my bra.

The dog finished and I walked back towards my apartment building, wide awake, and wondering what the hell I did last night.
I started coffee when I entered, turned off my screen saver, and found several messages from FN & RHM, the two people I went out with.

After reading their messages my night started flooding back in chunks.
I remembered going to the piano bar.
I remembered being called out because I said "Whoohoo" to Bruce "the piano man" Barker when he was making fun of some leathered-tanned girls.
Bruce started calling me pasty-white... which lead to pasty-tits... which then he got my name out of me so it was "QSW, the pasty-white-tit girl."
I remembered FN slipping Bruce a 10 dollar bill to get him to sing "Let's get drunk and screw" to "QSW, the pasty-white-tit girl."
And Bruce obliged him.
Then I remember stumbling out onto the dance floor while FN grinded on me.
I rememberd him twirling me a lot.
Then I remember saying I was leaving, and I just started walking home.
Luckily FN followed me, and called RHM to tell her we were walking, instead of riding with her.
I remembered half way home taking off my heels because I decided they needed to be spared my weight, because they were pretty.
I remembered FN laughing a lot.
I remembered laying down, but I don't remember going into my apartment building.
I remembered getting woken up by my roommate RHM, asking if I was ok, and then telling me she was going over to a friend's house to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend.
This morning I verified that, that, in fact happened.

All that I remembered.
I still have no idea where the money in my bra came from.

So the last few weeks I haven't been doing much at work.
This-n-that jobs.
I've been basically sitting on my ass being paid a pretty penny.
And today I got promoted.

I'm pretty sure I'm the living version of "Office Space."

Dear John....

Dear Matt,
This letter is to thank you, but I know I can never send it too you because it would only hurt you.
While I laid next to a man, who had his arm wrapped around me so I wouldn't leave, I realized that I have never been happier.
Suddenly my mom's words became clear to me when she thought you weren't right for me, "QSW, he doesn't cherish you, you need someone to cherish you."
I thought my mom was silly and wanted me to feel better after you dumped me.
I realize now she was relieved, as well as all of my friends.
You didn't cherish me, and I realize now thats why you dumped me.
Thank you, I didn't realize how unhappy you made me.
Thank you, I realize now what I want.
Thank you, for showing me what I definitely don't want.
This seems so weird for me to say. I thought myself infinitely happy with you. How wrong I was.
I woke the man next to me because I had to leave, I was too awake to sleep.
He kissed me goodbye and asked me to call him the moment I got home.

Call when I got home... so he wouldn't worry.
Someone worries about me now.
It's nice to know I'm not the only one who worries.
I worried for you all the time, and I don't think you ever worried about me. I'm a capable girl, but it's nice to know that someone worries like I do.

Now I'm home, and even though I'm alone, I'm still very happy.
Thank You Matt.
Thank you for pointing out exactly what doesn't make me happy.
I guess I needed someone too.
I cheated myself these last few months... like I knew I would.*
Love, QSW

*From an Amy Winehouse song.

How do men think?

So NG and I have been keeping the fact we are dating on the down low.
The other night, I told NG that I'd like to say something to ID about us dating.
He agreed, so we decided that the next time ID calls me, and if I wasn't going to hang out with him, to tell him I was going to go hang out with NG.
ID needs to realize that two of his friends are dating.
So yesterday was SY's birthday.
I sent a text message to NG, and ID to remind them.
NG calls me later and asked if I wanted to hang out.
I said I did, and he said he'd call me later in the evening.
ID called me to tell me he got a job interview and then asked what I was doing.
I didn't have the nerve then to tell him, so I said I didn't know for sure.

Later, ID called me again, and I knew I had to say something.
RHM watched me pick up the phone, then set it down, then pick it up, then set it down... before asking what the hell I was doing.
At that point I had missed the call, so I explained to her what I was doing, and I told her I had no idea what to say.
She gave me some pointers, and I picked up my phone to call ID back.
It ran in my hand.
It was NG.
I answered and he said "Have you talked to ID yet?"
I explained to him what was going on, and he said, "Good, cause I kind of told him that I was hungry so he suggested we all go to Chumleys together and I agreed."

Not. What. I. Wanted. To. Hear.

So FatherIrishDrinker, PlanRuinerNotGay, MyFavoriteRoommateRedHotMama, and I went to Chumleys.
And sat until 10:30 talking.
It was a pleasant night, but not what I wanted.
RHM felt bad for me, because she knew how frustrated I was.

Later after everyone was home, I recieved a text message from NG.
"I wish you weren't so ashamed of leaving here in the morning" was all it said.
I replied with a definite no-way-was-I-ashamed text, but it wasn't answered.

So I think I might have struck a nerve by not staying with him.

Or maybe its just that he knows I spent a lot of time at Matt's place and I'm not doing so with him.
I don't know.
I'm lost when it comes to men's minds.

Quick thought...

Why would a man, who cannot sleep well to begin with, want a woman to spend the night with him?
If at 3am, after you get done watching a movie, she offers to drive herself home, wouldn't you be happy?
Would you be disappointed?
Would try to convince her to stay?
And if you did get disappointed, or did try to convince her, why?

Maybe this is just me, but if I couldn't sleep very well, and if someone was in my bed waking me up every 15 minutes, I'd rather them go home, and if they were happy to drive themselves home, then I'd let them.
I wouldn't beg them to stay.
Maybe I'm not a true romantic?

Now that is some quality H2O...

So I went to the bathroom to wash my hands because I managed to get glue on them.
I turn on the water and put my hands underneath the faucet only to discover my hands covered in brown liquid.
If I had been in Egypt I would have thought the first of the ten plagues were here.
(Exodus 7:14-25) Rivers and other water sources turned to blood...
But thankfully (what?) I was in Indiana, and realized that nothing of biblical porportions would disrupt my day.
As a Hoosier you just have to accept certain facts like, "if it doesn't kill you it'll only make you stronger."

I finished washing my hands... even though they felt slightly dirtier, and went to tell someone about the problem.
That person told me that Purdue University thought that THAT water was completely healthy and that we could DRINK it.
I'm sorry. WHAT?
I'm pretty sure people even in Calcutta or East St. Louis wouldn't drink water that color.
I stood there shocked for a few moments that the people who take thousands upon thousands of dollars from me each year, and whom only give back a measly 400 dollars a week to me, would think that I would accept the fact that the only water provided at my work place by them was the same color of blood.
The lady looked at me for a moment (in pity, no less) and said, "You might as well not bother, I've tried for months to no avail, this is why we buy bottled water in bulk here, so we won't get thirsty throughout the day."
Purdue. Sucks. Big. Hairy. Monkey. Balls.
And that's all I have to say about that...

Last night

So last night was another interesting night of NG and I sitting at a table with ID, pretending not to date.
I think it frustrates the hell out of NG.
He really wants someone to slip up and let ID know, so he can say things like "Oh, I'm currently seeing her," to other people at the table, when they start saying things like "Oh, QSW I have a great friend who'd I love to set you up on a date with..." and things like that.
Its sweet in a weird jealously way. :)

ID has a nasty habit of going through my purse.
It bothers me a lot.
He always does it to get a lighter, but he'll always stop along the way and pull things out and make comments.
Not Cool.
Last night, when he started to do so again, I grabbed my purse from him, and said "God, ID, I swear I'm going to start stuffing my purse full of tampons."
This immediately made ID uncomfortable, which is what I was aiming for.
NotGay, on the other hand, said, "Oh thats what I'm always looking for in ladies purses! Every time I open one up, I think 'Oh, I hope there is a tampon in here.'"

Bravo, NG.

I left with ID because I wanted someone to walk me to my car, NG's phone was off, or I would have text messaged him saying I was coming back, but I took a gamble.
Since it was later in the evening, I managed to get a parking spot outside the bar.
I walked in and when NG saw me he actually beamed.
So sweet.
"You came back?!" he said when I sat down.
Before I could say anything, his friend next to him said, "I don't understand why you didn't just have NG, your boyfriend, drive you back to your car, he would have you know?"

I love drunk honest people. Without realizing it his drunk friend had let me know that not only was NG bothered by ID a lot, but he wanted to be the alpha male and didn't like ID walking me to my car.
I was glad I came back, because I probably made him feel better.
So we left together later on.
"Wanna come over and watch a movie at my place so I can take advantage of you?" I asked.
He laughed, and said "Why don't you come over to my place instead? And this time you should actually spend the night."

The first time I left, because he had told me how hard it was for him to sleep.
I'm a logical girl... I didn't want to get in the way of his sleep.
It seemed important to him that I stay, even if it disrupted his sleep.
So, I agreed.
We went outside to talk, so we wouldn't disturb his roommate.
We chatted about family and friends when he suddenly said, "I have a confession to make..."
Damn Catholics, and their Damn Confessions.
I tensed up and asked what it was.
"I wasn't working out before you came over here the first time," he started, "I was running around shopping."
Not where I thought this was going.
"I wanted you to come over, but I was afraid you wouldn't like my sheets" he said, "Or the fact that my bed was on the ground."
"I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and got a comforter/sheet set and asked if they had a bed frame, and they said no, so I went to Wal-mart, and they didn't have them either. So then I decided to stop by my mom's house and ask her and she told me to go to furniture one. So I finally got a bed frame there for 50 bucks. Then I came home, and put it together, but since my room is only so big, and I have a king-sized bed, it took a lot of effort to finally get it together.
So I opened the comforter and realized it was only the comforter.
So I went back to Bed Bath and Beyond, and finally found a set of everything for like 250 dollars, whatever, and came back here, put it all together, text messaged you to come over in 30 minutes, hopped in the shower and by the time you arrived I was ready."
I tried very hard not to laugh, and I tried very hard not to jump him and make out with him.
"So you went out and bought 300 dollars worth of stuff so I wouldn't get upset?" I said.
"Where on earth did you get the idea in your head that I was judgmental... and if you did get that in your head.. why weren't you worried about all the drunk nights I've seen you do really stupid stuff?" I said with a wink.
He looked as if he was blushing, but it was too dark to tell.
"I just wanted you to like me and my room." he said, very bashfully.

I could not resist anymore.
I made out with him until right before he couldn't breathe.

Radio @ work

So www.slacker.com is a constant presence at my work place.
If it's not on my computer, it's on someone else's in the office.

Sometimes I tune it out, sometimes I listen to it, and forget about work.
Today I was tuning it out because some country song was on.
The singer was really belting it out at some point, and I caught the words,
"And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive..."

Wait.. what?

I opened slacker.com from the bottom of my screen and looked.
Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats.
Who?
Who cares I guess...
I started listening to the lyrics.
When the chorus came on again I caught it all:
"And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats,
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats..."

I started laughing really hard.
My boss comes out of her office to ask what was so funny.
I turned it up for her, and two other people who came out of their offices.
Suddenly an office full of girls were laughing uproariously.
That's the moment the main boss walked in.
The one and only man.
He asked what was so funny.
Two of the ladies shrugged and walked into their offices, my boss said "oh nothing" and walked back into her office, and I was left alone with the main boss.
He looked at me for a moment.
"Trust me, you don't want to know," was all I said.

At that, he turned his heel and walked into his office.

Poor guy.

NotGay? OMG no.

So in case you missed some posts that i posted... then immediately took down...
I had one very drunk night where IrishDrinker called me, asked me to call NotGay, and invite him out with me.
IrishDrinker was in Florida at the time and was worried that no one would call NotGay and invite him out.
At the end of that night, NG leaned close to me, put his hand on my back, and said quietly, "QSW, you have a habit of moving on quickly, I don't want to rush you, but when you are ready I'd like to take you out."

That was followed by a week later going on a date with NG.
Followed with two days later going on another date.
Then two days later going on another one, which during ID had the psycho phone/text conversation with my phone. NG and I suddenly realized we might have problems springing our dating on ID.

RECAP:
SevenYears and I = Friends for seven years
ID and SY = friends since kindergarten
SY and NG = friends for 5 years.
NG and ID = friends for 3 years.
ID and I = friends for 5 years.
NG and I = friends for 2 years followed by this....dating?

NG and I decided to tell ID and SY the same night.
I'd handle SY.
And NG would handle ID because ID was obviously in love with me and I was already uncomfortable with him.
SY and ID took the news... HORRIBLY.
ID took the news inward... and almost cried.
SY took the news outward... and called me names and I hung up the phone with "YOU NARCISSISTIC PRICK" then *slam*
The only thing that NotGay said to all that was "You a such a hot commodity," then patted my knee, like he knew this was going to happen.
Come to think of it, he probably did.

Tonight NG invited me over to his apartment to watch a movie.
I felt like I was walking into a temple.
SY has been there once, ID never.
He introduced me as his girlfriend to his roommate.
We went back to his room to watch the movie.
He has a king sized bed...haha...I knew the movie wasn't going to last long, since I had already broken the "sex ice."

I was wrong.

We cuddled through the movie then got naked.

Afterwards we were laying perpendicular to each other and his head was on my stomach, he was stroking my leg,and I was running my hands through his hair.
Suddenly he sat up, rolled over so our heads were almost touching, kissed me and said, "We should have called SY and ID right now!"

I laughed for probably about a minute.
*************************************
TAB, I'm glad to see you back. I've missed your comments!I hope your finals went well!

Apparently...

... what all my friends were saying is true.

I've dated some really shitty guys who didn't treat me very well.

Why am I attracted to assholes?

Home during Sex and the city.

"So, you are really over Matt" my mom said to me after being around her for a good 8 hours.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You haven't even mentioned him..." she said cautiously.
"Well, Mom, for about 2 weeks prior to the break up, I was talking very seriously about dumping Matt myself." I said.
"Wait... why did you get upset then?" she asked.
"I have no idea.." I said, " but whatever it was, I'm much happier now than I'm without him... in fact, my roommate (RHM) stared at me shocked when I was crying in our living room."
"Well, I would be too, if you had talked seriously about dumping Matt" my mom replied.
"Yea, Matt just has an asshole way of doing everything...
even dumping me...
and I think it was the final time he could hurt me...
and so what?...
it was a doozie." That was all I could say.

My mom continued to play the "20 questions" game with the new person I'm dating.
I finally calmed the questions by saying, "Mom, he's sweet, I promise, on our third date, he held my hand... I don't know the last person that wanted to hold my hand, and after he grabbed my hand, I felt my entire face flush red."

That silenced my mom into happiness.
*****************************************
Later that day, after arriving back at my apartment, I was sitting with RHM watching Sex and the City.
The episode had Mr. Big on it.
It was the second time Mr. Big and Carrie break up.
RHM laughed and said, "Oh my god, it's you and Matt."

QSW was drunk.

"OH MY GOD! YOU ARE RIGHT!!" I practically yelled.
"AM I GOING TO MEET AIDAN AND NOT ACCEPT HIS MARRIAGE PROPOSAL!?" I did yell.

My roommate was laughing pretty hard.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" I said, laughing.
RHM stopped laughing for a minute and said, "Oh my gosh, do you really think Aidan was right for Carrie?!"
"YES! YES! HE WAS PERFECT! I WOULD MARRY THAT MAN IN A HEART BEAT! RHM, SHE ENDS UP WITH MR. BIG! I DON'T WANT TO END UP WITH MATT! I HATE MATT! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NEXT SIX YEARS GETTING MY HEART TRAMPLED ON AND THEN END UP WITH HIM!?! NO THANK YOU!" I pretty much said this in the loudest voice before yelling.

RHM was in tears from laughter.
"Oh my gosh, you are ok, you don't deserve Aidan or Mr. Big, I promise you'll find someone in between." she said in gasps.
That seemed to soothe me because I stopped talking and settled into the couch.
"You are nuts like Carrie," was all RHM said after that.

But she said it with a complete smile on her face.

Dry Spell that didn't last too long...

So, I'm weak.
Sue me.
If you had a Calvin Klein model-looking man leaning over kissing you, after he told all of his friends that he was dating you and how happy he was... You'd want to have sex with him too.

Don't lie.
For guys.. imagine whatever hot woman tickles your fancy and pretend she just got done cooking a whole turkey dinner because she knew you had a "bad day."

It's hard to resist temptation.
And like I said.. I'm weak.

Sex with Matt, GH, EX, The Devil, Nazi... have all been ok.
Some were better than others, none looked as good as "him" while they did it, and all of them rolled over within a five minute period and said goodnight.
I was use to it. I kind of thought that was standard procedure.
I'll give GH and EX credit, they usually lasted the whole 5 minutes before rolling over.
Matt usually lasted about 30 seconds.
Whatever.

Imagine my surprise of not only having an arm wrapped around me, but the other one stroking my back.
Then a kiss on the cheek and forehead.
Then playing with my hand and making a joke.
Then kissing my shoulder.
He had caught his breath, I was just wondering when he was going to roll over.
At the ten minute mark, when he was allowing his hands to follow the contours of my spine, I looked at him with an apparent "look," because he immediately said "Oh, I gotta love those looks you give people."
I was so caught off guard I laughed.
"Tell me what the look is for, I'm going to have a hard time remembering them all, but I'll give it a shot," he said.

First cuddling, then he says that?

I was half giving him a look and half smiling when I said, "Do you want me to start stalking you?"
I caught him off guard this time.
"Is that the stalking look?" he asked, laughing.
"No, but first you actually cuddled with me after sex, and now you are saying you are going to try to remember all my 'looks...' any more nice things out of you and I'm going to go all Glenn Close* on you," I said.
"Well, I'm not married," he said.
"That's it, I'm stalking you," I said, laughing.

So its official, the first time ever that instead of being stalked, I'm going to stalk a man. I'm going to start out this stalking by leaving this town for the remainder of the weekend, and not call him.
.... I didn't say I was good at it.

*as in Fatal Attraction.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK!

New favorite song: "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's.

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

Anyway, I'm here at the office and I'm taking a break.
Scotty's "slacker.com" reference has gotten me through the day this far, but I'm about to crack.

During the summer I work in a spreadsheet that ranges from Column A to Column EJ..
Yes that's right... It goes from A to Z, then AA to AZ, then BA to BZ, then CA to CZ, then DA to DZ, then EA to EJ.
A spreadsheet of 140 columns.
Currently I'm on Row 720, with data ranging from April 30th to now.
Sometimes I get to work... and literally do nothing else but work in this MASSIVE SPREADSHEET.
It has formulas in it that stretch halfway across my screen (1280 by 1024 screen).

I can almost consider it a work of art that I have to constantly change.

Today... My boss, on a Friday, decided that it was time to add Column EK.
"You are cold as ice... you are willing to sacrifice our love!" (ok, I love Slacker)
"Penis Enlarger at just half the cost!" (I don't love spam)

So back to column EK.
I almost showed how utterly horrified I was with the idea when she told me what she wanted.
She wanted a piece of data from all 720 forms I had ALREADY PROCESSED, that she forgot she wanted earlier.
SO AWESOME!
Yah.
If my date gets cancelled tonight, I can safely say this is the worst Friday I've had in a long time.

Drunk 2 am conversations with my roommate.

"You know I wanted to be friends with ID, even though he's in love with me... It would be like you deciding you were a lesbian and saying we couldn't be friends because it was too hard for you to watch me date men..." I said.
"Well hunny, you don't have to worry about that..." said RHM.
"I don't know Becca (my ex roommate) basically did that to me!" I said.
"haha.. well I think we've established that I like the cock way to much to be a lesbian." said RHM.
"Ok RHM, but if you ever walk into this apartment and ask me to put on a strap on, we are going to have problems." I said.
(RHM in tears from laughing)

bringinsecsiebac

Look... how.... white.... i.... am....



Go 'head be gone wit it.**

**this is pure sarcasm.

So I have this page and my love life page.
But sometimes the two of those co-exist, making it hard to figure out what page it goes on.

This goes here though, so I'll post it.

Last night I sat down with ID.
He was pretty drunk by the time I got there at 9pm.
He knew what was coming.
I think I surprised him only by saying that IF he wasn't going to have his heart break watching me date other people, that I'd still like to keep him as a friend.
He thought this was the last time I'd want to hang out with him.
I'll admit, I thought about it.
It's a very uncomfortable feeling hanging out with a man who wants to be in a relationship with you.
I can do it... it's just going to be uncomfortable.
After our talk, we both felt like we set good boundaries.
I met RHM and S&M over at a local bar for some live music.
ID wanted to come with, so I said sure.
He still hasn't made nice with RHM, so I was surprised.
He made nice with her once we got out to the bars.
By midnight I was tired, so I went home.
ID did too.
RHM and S&M stayed out for the remainder of the show.
She returned to the apartment around 1, raced in, and started grabbing things in her room.
I realized her car was still running below our balcony.
"Going somewhere?" I asked as she raced back out of her room.
"Yes! I'm going to go get laid!" she said.
I was laughing when she was racing back out to her car.
At 2, she was back.
Why I was still up, I have no idea...
"How was it?" I asked.
"Awful," she said, "I ended my 7 week dry spell for that? What was I thinking?"

I don't know.
I was suddenly glad that I wasn't that worried about sex, my 3 week dry spell didn't seem all that bad.

A Faithful Text Log*

*I swear on my life that I'm copying this word for word, time for time, from my phone.

ID, (9:47pm): Where are you?
Me, (9:48pm): In my apartment
ID, (9:48pm): Come over
ID, (10:53pm): Calling me
ID, (10:55pm): Calling me
ID, (10:56pm): Voice mail, which said "whats up?"
ID, (10:57pm): Come over
ID, (11:02pm): Hello
ID, (11:07pm): Hello
ID, (11:10pm): Using AIM to text message, Hello
ID, (11:12pm): Calling me
Me, (11:30pm): Hey, I fell asleep, I'm just going to stay in. (this was a lie, I was on a date, maybe I should have said that, but it was with ID's good friend... I was too tired to open that can of worms)
ID, (11:31pm): Ok sorry, tomorrow?
Me, (11:32pm): I'm going to chicago (not a lie)
ID, (11:33pm): Ah cripes, I want to see you
ID, (11:37pm): I love you
ID, The Next Day, (11:44am): Belch, whats up?
Me, (11:47am): We need to talk
ID, (11:47am): Uh oh whats up?
Me, (11:48am): You being insane
ID, (11:49am): Yeah what did I do now?
Me, (11:51am): You called me 20 times and text messages me 80 times before I had a chance to answer.
ID, (11:53am): What shit I was drunk damn, I'm sorry
Me, (11:55am): No excuse (seriously, do you know HOW MANY times I've been around him drunk? Never has this happened.)
ID, (11:58am): You are right, I was a little bent out of shape I knew it wasn't right I am sorry.
ID, (12:05pm): Yeah, I suppose we got a few things to talk about
Me, (12:06pm): Yes.
ID, (12:07pm): Ok, when is a good time?
Me, (12:08pm): Tonight when I get back.
ID, (12:08pm): Ok

ID is in love with me.

It is killing me slowly.

I cannot handle him much longer.

I'm very afraid I'm going to hurt him by exploding on him.

But the second-grade-passing-notes attitude is

DRIVING

ME

INSANE.

GH and Medusa

Let me just start out by saying that when I was having the WORSE WEEK EVER, GH decided to be there for me.
He hugged me when I told him that Matt and I broke up.
He offered to drive me home because I was so torn up I couldn't drive myself.
And when my apartment building caught fire, he was there to hug me again.
And kiss me.
WTF, Mates?

So, he thought since I was leaning on him for support, it was ok to kiss me.
Better yet, he didn't want to tell Medusa.
I kind of just stood there shocked that for
1.) he had thought it ok and
2.) he had immediately followed that up with "don't tell Medusa."

Asssssshooooooollllleeee.

I told him how I felt, and he apologized saying it was something he did without thinking.
I took his apology because
1.) I was too weak to deal with it and
2.) He seemed genuine and
3.) he was fixing my hard drive and I wanted it back.

So whatever.

Saturday morning he appeared on my doorstep.
I was still in my PJs which consisted of a tiny strappy top and pajama pants.
I let him in because he had my hard drive in his hand.
I walked back to my room, and laid back down, the man had shown up at 8:30am on a Saturday.
He followed me to my room and we chatted idly about this and that while he installed my hard drive.
I stood up at some point to get something off my dresser.
I saw him watching me.
"What?" I asked.
"You've lost a lot of weight, QSW" he said.
I rolled my eyes.
"I have not," I said, "and if I have its just because of the break up and I'll gain it back."
"You are just so tiny," he said.
There was a pause in the conversation because I didn't feel the need to justify the comment.
Then he said, "Maybe it's just because Medusa is larger."

I just slapped him in the back of the head.
Hard drive or no, GH was not getting on my good side.

Fast forward to last night.
A friend came in from outta town to stay with RHM and I.
EVERYONE came over to my apartment to see her.
Including GH and Medusa.
I decided to fuck with him.
They stayed for only a bit because Medusa is sure that GH is sleeping with me, and GH gets uncomfortable when she and I are in the same area.
So they left.
And I sent a text message to him that said:
"They all know, everyone does."
10 seconds later.
"What do they know? Who knows?"
I replied "Everyone here knows everything."
Apparently Medusa had gotten his attention or something because it was 1:45 in the morning before he replied with:
"Define everything"
I responded with "everything = what people aren't suppose to know."
At 3:50 am, he responded with "How long before Medusa knows?"

I'm evil.

I had a friend send me a song that said it reminded him of me.
Here are the lyrics.
Enjoy....

Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
and sharpened nails seem softer
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the film

And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an Anorexia life

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Open fire on the needs designed
Open fire on my knees desires
On my knees for you