For the first time in my life I'm sort of dating someone.... with a kid.

I'm not quite sure on how to handle it. I haven't met this kid yet and I already have trepidation towards what will happen when I do. A kid is ... permanent. What if it doesn't like me? What if it likes me too much and then we part our ways? What if I grow attached and then we split?

It's a new playing field for me.

It's scary enough starting a relationship. This kid business feels like my fledgling relationship is already weighted.

Is this thing on?

Its been so long since I've written anything that it seems pointless to try to "catch up" with anyone who still reads this. So I'm just going to start, today, and write again. I have a new laptop and some time finally on my hands.

I still work at The Black Sparrow. (an update, but not really)

Fledgling relationships are always interesting. I became friends and then later "siblings" with a guy whom I work with. I was seeing someone at the time, but honestly, I loved the guy. Not in that "secretly I wish I was with you but I'm not" sort of scenario. I loved him for him. To justify that feeling and still show that I was deeply committed to my significant other, I started calling him my brother. Drunk one night, I told him how I felt, and explained I had no intention of ever dating him, but that I really just loved him for him. Maybe that was stupid to do, but alcohol feeds honesty.

He soon after added me on Facebook as his sister and I accepted that he was my brother via a social website.

Then the divorce hit. I still don't know what happened. He went on vacation with me, told me it was the best vacation ever, talked about buying a car with me, we had just purchased renters insurance together, one day later he left me without telling me why.

I was a wreck.

4 days after the break up, I had finally weaned myself off of booze and had switched to anti-depressants and happy pills. A friend invited me over to watch tv (she was worried sick about me) and while she was playing on Facebook, messaged my "brother" and asked what he had done for his "sister" in all this mess.

He came over shortly after to support his "sister."

It was a normal evening, they did a couple round of shots, while I laid on the couch in a Clonazepam haze, we watched True Blood, and then it was time for my friend to go to sleep. She asked my brother if he wanted to stay and he agreed. I laid down on one couch and him on the other. He started whispering to me in the dark and telling me how things would be better soon for me.

I got up, walked over and curled up against him. He held me, I told him I loved him, he said it back and then it went all haywire.

I slept with my brother.