I work at a bar. I live with someone. I have friends. I love reading. That sums me up.
.
Friday, August 31, 2007
SY and the Catholic School Girl outfit.
I hung out with Amanda and FN the other night. We are fairly new friends, and FN and I adore her.
She has a ton of questions for FN and how gay men operate. After about the 5th question, she said, "Oh I'm sorry, I ask too many questions about things like that." I laughed and said, "Oh, whatever, I asked him about the times he was dating Rick and why he'd cry when he was on the bottom." Amanda laughed and said, "God, that reminds me of asking Kristin about the times when SY would do that!"
Excuse me?
FN and I sat in silence for almost a full minute.
Amanda, shocked that we didn't know, said, "You've never heard about the time that SY wore the Catholic School girl outfit?" FN spit out his beer all over the table and started choking. Not knowing what to say, I just patted him on the back. Amanda continued, "He was in love with Kristin, and she was making out with a girl (she's mostly just a lesbian) and he got mad and said that she could go both ways so she should. She replied with 'You don't go both ways, so why should I?' and he went home and invited over some guy he had been talking too online and they had sex."
There was another minute of silence. We all bowed our heads and prayed.
"Where does the outfit come into play?" I asked, so curious, but at the same time fairly sure I didn't want to know. "Oh! Sorry, it was Halloween and thats what he dressed up as," she replied.
At least it was better than what I thought.
FN just sat there, in utter shock, which was impressive because most of his past boyfriends have remained in the closet until he came along and dragged them out of it.
We went home. On my way home, I started to wonder if Amanda was putting me on. By the time I got home, I was fairly sure she was capable of most things like that, plus she had told us repeatedly not to bring the subject up in front of ID. Sounded fishy to me. I decided to text message NG, and ask him.
Since this was an odd matter, I tried to beat around the bush as much as possible and I didn't ask him straight out if SY had had sex with a man. I was floored when i got the text message: "SY has had sex with guys, if that's what you are trying to ask."
He made it plural.
I decided at that point not to ask any questions about it ever again.
I haven't said much about NotGay since we first started dating. Sure, I've mentioned him, in stories, silly things, but not talked about him. You haven't heard about how I feel when I look at him in the morning, or what I said to him when I was angry. Nothing. Not because I don't trust you guys not to tell anyone. I know you'd never tell a soul, because you behaved so well when I talked about Matt to you.
There is one big difference between Matt and NotGay that I didn't realize was there, until very recently.
I take NotGay seriously.
Wait, there are more reasons, but I'm not going to talk about them, that reason captures the gist of all the rest of the reasons. I have changed drastically in the way I handle relationships, and I've found that I'm happier. I'll leave you with some quotes from my friends:
RHM: "Wow, you really haven't bitched about NG at all. I'm not use to coming over, drinking wine, and not hearing you tell me how much you hate your significant other." FN: "Hunny, you are Carrie in Sex and the City, You are at the episodes where Carrie dates Aidan... if you fuck this up, I'm going to kill you."
QSW: "Ha, you just got off the phone with SY, and you two talked about NG and I? How long did you give us to last?" ID: "We didn't take bets on this relationship, both of us hope that it works out."
Even as I type those, I feel like I'm jinxing myself and we will break up tomorrow.
I might not recover as quickly on this relationship.
I started a running routine with a friend of ID's and NG's. We shall call him, ABNB. It stands for AllBrawnNoBrains.
In cases with someone who has all brawn, and a former college wrestler who got a full ride scholarship, and who currently coaches wrestling at a local high school... ...you can be rest assured I'm WAY outta shape in comparison. I like it because it gives me a goal to strive for, just to keep up with ABNB. Why would ABNB want to run with a girl who can barely keep up? OK, who told you I was a dumbass? I know the only reason he wants to run with me is because he likes me a lot.
BUT! I also know that ABNB is adamant about not screwing over friends, since NG is a friend, he'd never in his wildest dreams make a move on me. I feel I'm relatively safe, in all matters considered. Who wants to mess up a friendship by hitting on your friend's girlfriend who talks about how much she likes your friend, who is also red faced and sweating, and who can barely keep up to your running standards? Come on, that doesn't need brains.
It was obvious to me on Saturday that NG doesn't feel the same. Saturday night, NG's roommate (Josh) made a drunk ass out of himself and basically mockingly told the table that NG was upset...
Josh: Oh yea, that girl is hot!(ABNB was talking about our waitress, a moment earlier) Maybe I'll start running with her! HEY! Maybe she won't own an Ipod (which I don't) so I can share mine with her, you know, her ear bud can be the left one, and mine can be the right, and we can hold each other's hands while we run together! Screw the fact that you like her! I'm going running with her!
.... it actually was funny looking back on it. At the time I was horrified that that was how I found out that NG was upset with my running habits. ABNB didn't get it and went right on talking about the waitress and different ways Josh could run without sharing an Ipod...
Later, after talking to NG about it, NG admitted that he was angry, but it was silly that he was angry, and that he wished Josh had kept his mouth shut. I understand, I bitch to RHM all the time, but most of it is stuff I'm not really mad at.
So last night I went running again with ABNB. He started talking about a girl in his office whom he likes a lot. I asked him why he didn't ask her out. He replies with, "She's perfect right now and I don't want to ruin that." They don't call me the walking version of IMDB for nothing, and I immediately wondered if he was quoting Good Will Hunting. I said, "Well, that's not a way to go through life, you should ask her out." He said, "I just don't want her to be ruined, what if I realize that she's not interesting and smart and is just boring." I said, "Are you trying to quote this movie directly, because you are kind of messing up on it?" He paused and then said, "What?" "What is Good Will Hunting?" I said, a complete smart ass. "I'm not quoting a movie," he said. I told him that it was "my bad" and changed the subject, but here is the quote in question:
Will: This girl is like you know, beautiful. She's smart, she's fun, she's different from most of the girls I've been with. Sean: So call her up Romeo? Will: Why? So I can realize she's not that smart that she's fucking boring? You know, I mean this girl is like fucking perfect right now, I don't wanna ruin that. Sean: Maybe you're perfect right now, maybe you don't wanna ruin that. I think that's a super philosophy, Will, that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody...
Today I decided to learn the bus route from my apartment to my office. Gas is expensive and the bus is free (free to all students and employees of Purdue). It's a smart idea. I live in Lafayette, and my office is in WEST Lafayette, so when I got to the bus station (2 blocks from my house) I noticed that one side of the station said, "Outgoing West Lafayette Buses," and the other side side "Outgoing Lafayette Buses." I wanted West Lafayette, so I went to that side of the station. I found 4B which I knew stopped nearby my office area, and got on it. It was 7:30am and I had to be at the office at 8:30am, PLENTY of time (15 minutes to ride to my office, 45 minutes extra time). I wanted to stop and get coffee before going to the office, and I decided that no matter how long the line was, I'd still have time to get it with a 45 minute time frame. At 7:45AM the bus finally got moving. No worries, a little later than planned, but still OK on time. I said that to myself until I realized we were heading EAST. I started thinking, "4B goes EAST and 4A goes WEST, that was the only possible answer, I apparently had gotten it confused. Shit. But why was the bus parked on the West side? Who knows? Oh well, I won't get coffee, but I know this loop, I'll still be there in plenty of time."
Little did I know that I was on the Morphing Bus and halfway through the ride the bus morphed from 4B into 1A.
I hadn't ridden the bus in 2 years, maybe this was why.
1A has a stop right by NG's house and I was VERY tempted to get off there and have him give me a ride to work. That was, until I realized that he was buying a new car today and wouldn't be home... ...Damn... By now, I was now twice as far away from work then when I started out. Then we started riding through the Ghetto. My Monday was going to be fantastic, I could tell.
The Morphing Bus suddenly morphed back into 4B, and stopped in the SAME SPOT that it did earlier at the bus station I was at, 45 minutes previously. I started to get off, but before I could STUDENTS started getting on, and asking if this bus went to campus. The Driver said "Yes," then got off to take a smoke break. I followed him off and looked at the front of the bus. 4B. Just like it said 45 minutes earlier. W.T.F. I sat on that bus and number 4B went WEST this time and dropped me off for work 15 minutes late.
You can be mean to me, mean as you want to be, Just say anything that you like, You can be nasty and catty, Cruel and unusual, Twist my nose with your fingers, Trip me while I carry liquids,
But as you pin me down, My arms down on the ground, And your spit drips into my face, Deep in the back of your mind, Remember at some point you'll have to fall asleep,
And when you fall asleep into your room I'll creep, Did something move in the dark 'neth your bed? And then a voice you hear, It's calling loud and clear, A voice that is your own, A voice that's saying..... YEEEAAAAAAOOOOWWWWWWW.
This catalog I've found, Sells roaches by the pound, A package of indelible dye, Why would a guy? Such as I? Ever Buy? Indelible Dye... Blue as the Sky, Don't ask me why.
There's things could one can do, with Bengay, Nair, and Superglue, Don't the thought just give you a thrill? I think the meek shall inherit, Because they'll stay up late and change the will,
And when you fall asleep into your room I'll creep, Did something move in the dark 'neth your bed? And then a voice you hear, It's calling loud and clear, A voice that is your own, A voice that's saying..... YEEEAAAAAAOOOOWWWWWWW...
I am basically broke until next week, upon next week, I'll be rich. Funny how that works?
So last night I got a text from NG who asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. I told him I'd be over in a bit. I got into my PJs and was collecting things when ID came into my room and asked if he could drink a glass of my wine. "Sure," I said, I was OK with a glass, but the bottle I had been saving for the weekend because I didn't have much money to go out with my friends. I left, and I told him I'd be back later. I watched part of "Spy Games" with NG when it grew to be late and I told NG I needed to get going. He held me down in a very adorable fashion and told me that he didn't care that my alarm was going off at 7AM, he still wanted me to stay the night with him. I agreed, because A.) I love waking up beside him B.) I get the most incredible sleep in his bed. It has nothing to do with emotion and we sleep on opposite sides, but damn, I sleep fantastically. C.) It's my boyfriend, why am I listing reasons?
I curled up with him for a little bit before we both got really tired and rolled off in the opposite directions.
The next morning, my alarm went off. 7AM. Vibrating. Screeching. And on the bed between the two of us. The minute I realized what the annoying vibrating bird was doing between us, I shut it off. I sat up. I had slept so hard that I did not move from the position I started out in, and because of it, my neck hurt a lot. All my muscles were relaxed and sore at the same time. It was odd. I got out of bed and got dressed before I realized that NG hadn't moved. He wakes up for anything. I picked up my keys and the clinking together made NG sit straight up in bed and grab my arm. "Where are you going?" he asked, really concerned. "Um... to work," I said. "It's still night," he said.
Apparently I wasn't the only one who slept well with the other one there.
I stopped off at home before going into work. I had a bagel craving. When I walked into my kitchen, I found an empty bottle of wine. "Son. of. a. bitch." I text messaged ID and asked if he had a headache. I was angry, but I understood that I live with an alcoholic and that some things will have to be hidden from the alcoholic. I wasn't going to berate him, I just wanted him to have a headache from finishing off a whole bottle by himself. He wrote back, "No i don't, sorry, the cork broke off at the top on my second glass (he likes to mash the cork in so you can't pull it out unless you have teeth) so I just finished the bottle."
He doesn't really like wine. Did I mention that? He loves Bud Light. The bastard drank all of my Chianti on a whim because he doesn't know his ass from his head. I got mad. "You know wine doesn't go bad immediately if you put only half of the cork in the bottle, in fact, it doesn't go bad if you don't put any cork in it." I wrote back. "Oh, I thought that was a good enough excuse to finish it," he wrote back. He thought this was funny.
No more wine for him unless he buys it himself. My wine rack... getting moved into my room today.
The red flames are fireplaces. The long black strip is a hallway in my room that leads to an outside door. The black lines are doors, and the maroon lines are windows.
Where was I going with this post? I forget.
*4 hours later, I remember*
So my room is fairly large comparatively. I have my own TV in there as well. The other night ID and I decided to watch the old TMNT movie. I was busy typing on my laptop. And typing... And typing...
Finally ID asked why. I wasn't ready to answer the question but I took a stab at it anyway. "Um... well, I'm writing about my life, as I see it," I said. "You're blog?" he asked (he and SY know I have a blog but neither of them care enough to go looking for it). "Yes," I said, and changed the subject to the movie. I went back to typing. A little while later he said, "I don't believe you are just typing a blog post, I have my my space blog, and I'm a horrible typer and I don't take this long." "Sorry, am I bothering you, (I kind of felt like telling him to take a hike since it was my room)I'll stop," I said. "No, I want to know what you are doing," he said.
At this point, I wondered if FN slipped up during his time living here. FN was the ONLY person I told what I was doing when I was typing.
"Nothing really," I said. "Are you writing a book?" ID asked.
FN had slipped up, even when I asked him not to mention it to anyone because I didn't know if I was serious about it or not.
I sighed. "Sort of," I said, "I'm just writing my life, because it's twisted and sick and makes for a great Harlequin romance novel... I just have to figure out how to write a good sex scene." ID:"Your sex life isn't that great." Me:"Gee thanks, how would you know? Is NG talking to you about it?" ID:"No, Matt did." (we try to one up each other all the time) "Asshole," I said (letting him win), and returned to typing.
"I think your life story would make for some interesting reading," he said. I smiled. "Thanks," I said, "I'll be sure to mention you in it somewhere." "How are you going to mention me? Like the time you picked me up off the floor with your shoulder like you were one of my 8th grade students tackling?" he asked. Me:"Wait, I thought you said I was better at tackling than them?" ID:"Well, I said I screamed at them, 'MY ROOMMATE CAN TACKLE BETTER THAN YOU AND SHE'S A GIRL!' but I was really lying to get them to move faster," Me:"Yea, you are going to get mentioned, I'm going to call you: 'He who shall not be named'" ID:"Man, that's going to be a shitty book... what a rip off." Me:"Sorry, I got the idea from your mom."
"I love...(hand slapped over mouth)" (pause) "Shit"
"It's OK, you are drunk," I said, holding onto his belt so he didn't fall over, he refused to sit. He continued to hold his hand over his mouth. He had been saying how much he LIKED me all evening. "You look like an idiot standing there swaying with your hand over your mouth," I said, smiling. It looked as if I was dating a twelve-year-old boy who just slipped up in front of his girlfriend and almost told her he loved her... ...it didn't really look like that, it pretty much was the situation, considering alcohol turns any twenty-six-year-old man into a twelve-year-old boy.
"I'm sorry," he said, finally taking his hand away from his mouth. "Um... no problem, it's not like you called me a name, you were being affectionate," I said, "I'm really not upset."
He hummed.
Humming is a new thing for me. I've seen people look away in deep thought, I've seen people have nervous twitches like yanking their ear when they were thinking, but never have I heard someone go "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm" briefly and then change the subject.
But that was NG for you, always interesting quirks. RHM looked at me with a question mark look on her face, I just waved my hand. It was too hard to explain the humming to someone who never got to know anyone long enough learn someone's quirks.
I went back to talking to RHM, just not about the humming. A few moments later I saw her staring at NG. I turned to look, mind you, I still had my hand on his belt. He was staring at me. It was kind of creepy to me because he had an INTENSE stare on me, I let go of the belt, thinking he was angry at that. Not knowing what to say to the drunk man, I said a very lame, "Hi." "You are so beautiful," he said. "Thanks..." I said, matching my skin to my hair color and laughing nervously, "So are you..."
NG was really drunk, and it was funny being sober and watching him, at least to RHM and myself.
Right about that time, he made a sudden movement to turn around, and before I could re-grab his belt, his hand came flying around and hit his Long Island right into my lap. It was cold, and it was funny. I started laughing. Apparently every other girl he's dated has gotten really pissed off if he's done something like that, so he immediately started apologizing so profusely that I was almost annoyed. "NG!!" I said, grabbing a hold of his face with both of my hands, "I'm not upset, but if you keep apologizing I'm going to slap you." "Then why don't you kiss me if you aren't upset?" he said.
The boy was a quick one, even drunk.
Laughing, and still holding onto his face, I kissed him hard. I could hear RHM and NG's roommate making noises that sounded like gagging.
"Whoa there killer, with kisses like that I'm going to start to think you want my babies or something crazy like that," he said, in a drunk stagger away from the table towards his friends whom were playing darts. I was smiling at him and watching him walk away, he was smiling and turning around to look at me.
Though... My smile fell and I took off from the table when I realized he was going to try to play darts...
"After the caseworker told me about everybody in the Creedish district colony being dead and all, the first thing I did was start smoking. The smartest thing I've ever done is start smoking. When the caseworker dropped by to say rise and shine, and the only other surviving Creedish went south last night, then I sat myself in the kitchen and upped my suicide process with a good stiff drink. It's church doctrine that says I have to kill myself. They don't say it has to be hurry-hurry instant quick death."
Odd choice for one of my top five favorite books... ...but its a quote from one of them. Ten points if you can name it.
Tell me. How do you find out about someone? How do you figure out their personality? Are there books on this? What activities do you do together? Help.
I was playing that in the office today, a friend sent it to me, and my boss wandered out of her office. It had stopped by that point, and I was already back to work. She wandered past my desk and out the door. She walked back in and said, "Stupid freshman, yelling and carrying on like that, I think that guy out there yelled "YEAH!" seven times!"
Like... "Yeah, Gaffigan?" I said. "I BET thats what they were yelling! Because it sounded like they'd say something after that, and we have all those Gaffigan posters out there!" She mumbled something else, about how immature freshman were, and then went back in her office.
It was getting late. I glanced at his clock, 10:45pm. I have to be up at 7am, and I still have a 15 minute ride home. I rolled over and flung my arm around him, "Hun, I have to go, because I don't think you want an alarm to go off in your room at 6:30am." He made some kind of noise that said, "You are silly," then stopped, thought about it, and said, "Yeah, you're right, I don't have to work until noon." I laughed. I got up and started putting on clothes. I noticed I couldn't find my underwear anywhere. I started moving blankets and sheets around on his massive king-size bed. "What are you looking for?" he asked. I told him, and he sat up and started looking around as well. Neither of us could find them. I shrugged, and put on my jeans anyway. He laughed. He moved over closer to where I was to kiss me goodbye, and thats when he noticed he had been sitting on my underwear the whole time. "Here you go," he said, handing them to me "these were apparently shoved up my ass." I laughed and grabbed them and stuffed them into my purse. In a perfect grocery store clerk voice, he said, "Will that be cash or credit? (pause) No! In underwear!" I laughed and started to put on my shoes. "Where is my other shoe?" I said looking around. "It's up my ass as well, I'm sorry, I have a problem," he said with a deadpan stare. I kissed him laughing, found my other shoe as I did it, said "Goodnight," and skirted out the door.
Moral of the story: Men can hide a lot of things, even when they are naked.
RHM and I are no longer roommates, last night was our last night in that apartment. I started to throw out all the unnecessary, and it turned into a purging of my former life. A book that Greg gave me that was horrible, why am I keeping it? An Indian wall hanging that is faded on one side, from The Ex (Nishant), why? A picture of Matt, when we were happy, out out out.
I realized how much Nishant and Matt had screwed with me over 3.5 years of my life. Nishant was there for me emotionally, but only to a certain extent. Matt wasn't at all. I couldn't even have girl moments with Matt, he wouldn't have stood for them.
A vase from JJ, I hated the fact that he bought me flowers every month, why am I keeping the vase? 12 mason jars full of Indian Spices that I haven't used since the break up, why am I keeping them? (gave to my brother) 3 polo shirts that say "Siggraph" on them, Nishant isn't even a part of Siggraph anymore, why am I?
Nishant had a domineering nature. I was broken at some point. I became submissive, and it's not in my personality. Matt only sealed my submissiveness more. Why did I let both of them do that to me? I remembered the fight with NG, and how he said, "Why don't you just tell me to stop? You have before!" Because that was when you were a friend, I can stand up to my friends. The minute you became my boyfriend, I became submissive. It's all I know.
More stuff from Nishant, why why why. A gift from GH that I will never use. My cat's dish bowl.
I stopped on the last one. I really missed my cat, but my mom and I agreed that she was happier with my mom then in an apartment. I was mad up until that bowl. I got really sad. My cat Olivia had never done anything mean to me. Yet, she was gone too. I wanted to talk to someone or just tell someone I was upset. My usual people to tell that too would have been ID, FN, and RHM. Those are the people I've always depended on. I text messaged NG.
"Hey, this sounds pathetic, but I just got really sad because I threw away my cat's bowl and I know she won't be living with me for a long time." "Cat?" (NG hates cats) "Yes, you remember her, I haven't had her in 8 months but she was with me at my other apartment." "Oh yea, Olivia, right? I'm sorry. Next time I see you I'll give you a big hug. I'm sorry I can't do anything right now, do you want me to call you?" "No, thank you, I appreciate it though :-*"
I felt so much better. No idea why. I just needed to say it. NG had passed as well. It only made me happier. Nishant would have said, "I'm sorry, Puppy," and left it at that, obviously I could handle it on my own. Matt wouldn't have bothered responding. NG offered to call me, and even though he didn't like cats, was understanding about it. I think this is why my friends didn't want me to break up with NG. They all know how much better he is than the past ones. I'm starting to realize it as well.
After dumping several more things, RHM and I sat on my new balcony porch and toasted our first successful-moving-out-without-killing-the-roommate story.
This morning, I arrived at my office at 7:30 am. I wasn't alone. My boss was already there and there was coffee already made. Excited, I went back to the kitchenette to get a mug.
On the floor there was a small brown mass. Since that area has only one office and that office is occupied by a lady who brings her dog in, I assumed at first that the dog had had an accident that the lady hadn't seen. As I walked towards it I had a funny thought, "That kind of looks like a bat, haha."
I stopped dead and made some kind of noise. All of a sudden, I was fairly sure I was staring hard at a real bat. My boss a few offices away, said, "QSW?" I backed myself down the hallway, never taking my eyes off the small brown mass on the floor. "I think there is a bat on the floor," I said, as I reached my boss's office. "WHAT?!" she shrieked and then ran out into the hallway beside me. Both of us stared at it. "Is it dead?" she asked. "I didn't try to find out," I said. We stared some more. "I think I will call the building's deputy," she said. "I think I need some coffee to deal with this day," I said. "I have an extra mug," she said, and both of us backed into her office. I sat in my boss's office, sipping coffee, and I was listening to her on her phone: "Yes, we have a bat... (pause)... No, I didn't touch it... (pause)... Rabies are that bad in Indiana?.... (pause).... Ok, well, it might be dead, it's on the floor and its not moving....(pause)...Ok....(pause) OH MY GOD IT'S FLYING!!!!"
QSW dumped the entire contents of her mug on the floor, and then hid underneath her boss's desk, with her boss. You would have thought we were under a terrorist attack. My boss had the good sense to keep her coffee upright, and to take the phone with her. The building deputy said he'd send someone over immediately.
After sitting for 5 minutes under a desk, my boss and I were feeling kind of silly. "Let's go see where it is, " she said, and both of us crawled out to find it. It was on the wall. Attached, clinging to it, upside down, looking around. The wall was half carpeting, half smooth plaster. It was a 1970's building.
"Oh my god," my boss said covering her mouth, when she saw where I was pointing. "I have to put up signs on the doors warning people," she said, "You stay here and make sure it doesn't go anywhere." She was already out the door when I realized I had no idea how to stop a bat from going somewhere it wanted to go. I decided that if the bat wanted to go to a different location, that I wasn't going to stand in it's way. My boss returned and asked where it was. It had crawled on the wall about 5 feet from where we had originally seen it. My boss came and stood next to me and asked, "Should we put a box over it?" "I think it looks fairly happy there, " I said. "Yea, I agree," she said. We both stared at it. "I need coffee," I said, and made my way back into her office. I cleaned up the original coffee, poured myself a new cup, and started a new pot. "DON'T MOVE," I could hear my boss saying in the other room. I froze like a deer in headlights. After standing, for what seemed like an eternity, I realized she was talking to another co-worker who had just entered the office, ignoring the signs. I came out of the office and the co-worker was clutching her briefcase to her chest and it looked as if she was going to faint. "Oh my god," she said, "I thought the signs were a joke for Kent's birthday."
There was a running joke in our office from the time when Kent screamed because a cockroach climbed half-way up his leg.
"No," I said, "the bat is pretty real, and pretty scary." The bat stared at us, he looked offended. We stared back. "I need coffee" the co-worker said. My boss and I pointed to her office and didn't say a word. The bat and the remaining two ladies had a staring contest for a few minutes. The third lady came back, and it was three against one. When the bat lost, he decided that it was unfair and decided to fly at us. It would have been hilarious to see three grown ladies biting the floor all at once, and not spilling a drop of coffee between them, but since I was one of them, it was purely terrifying. "OMG, where did it go?" my boss asked. We froze. And as if a gun had gone off, all three of us dashed for the farthest office. "WHERE IS THE BUILDING DEPUTY?" I said, loudly, it had been 20 minutes. The bat made some noise, I think he was laughing. Evil laugh. I was starting to think that maybe the bat had killed the deputy. That's when my phone started ringing. "Go answer it," my boss said, knowing my phone was in the middle of the room with the bat in it. "This.... is NOT part of my job description," I said. My co-worker and boss starting laughing, but it had a nervous quality to it.
My boss decided to brave it and to go into that room again. There was a shriek, and my co-worker and I shut the door and threw our bodies against it. "We left a soldier out there alone," I said, feeling bad. "You go, I'll wait," my co-worker said, and I was suddenly eating my words. I walked slowly down the hallway. My boss appeared at the other end of it, still alive, and said, "Don't move, he's by Lois's office." I was standing 4 feet away from Lois's office. The bat started fluttering on the wall, apparently stuck to the carpet. I could see the tips of it's wings whipping around the corner at me. I felt lightheaded and when I looked at my boss, she looked like she was going to get sick. I took a sip of my coffee to steady myself. I noticed she did the same. My co-worker appeared beside me suddenly and I screamed. "Sorry, I was trying to be quiet because I didn't want the bat to know I was in the hallway," she said. "Well, it does now," I retorted, and she and I backed down the hall, not taking our eyes off the fluttering wing. My boss was gone. 45 minutes after we called the building deputy (who has an office attached to the building we were in) finally showed up. He strolled in, put on a glove, detached the bat from the wall, and looked at it. "Indiana Brown Bat," he said, "you can tell by his head, you know they are endangered."
"You know, any longer, and there would have been another one of his kind, GONE," I said, angry.
I wonder if that's how many species go on the endangered species list.
I'm sorry, my friends are tired of hearing me vent about the Dalai Lama, so I'm writing it out now.
To get Dalai Lama tickets:
August 7th at noon = deadline for "FRIENDS" (aka donors) to buy advanced Dalai Lama tickets, this also means they get first dibs on the first 17 rows. August 10th at ten AM = Faculty and Staff and Students may purchase Dalai Lama tickets, with their student/staff discount (ten bucks), and they can continue to buy until 5pm before the rest of the general public. August 11th - General public can now buy tickets, but since our box office isn't open on Saturday, they have to all go through Ticketmaster(aka, extra six dolllar fee). There is NO group tickets for this event (aka, you cannot buy more than six at a time). ALL of this went out in flyers, postcards, e-mails, phone trees, website, press releases, etc. I know, because I did most of those publications, and on each one had VERY CLEAR instructions (word for word sentence: There are no group tickets for this event, we will only be allowing an individual to purchase up to six tickets at a time. We will not set aside "blocks" of seats).
Now, every time you see the word FRIEND I want you to think that I'm saying that in the most sarcastic manner possible.
----------------
I got a call today, from a FRIEND, who wanted tickets. They didn't tell me they were a FRIEND, so when she said, "I want to buy tickets," I immediately went into my speech that starts with "I'm sorry, the tickets don't go on sale until tomorrow and they it's only to Faculty and Students, if you are part of the general public you can purchase tickets starting Saturday through Ticketmaster." "I'm a FRIEND!" she exclaims, "They said I had..." pause, and I hear papers, then she must have been reading word-from-word from the paper... "until August 7th at Noon to purchase tickets!"
"CAN YOU NOT HEAR YOURSELF SPEAK?!?!" I was livid, but I didn't scream that. I didn't hold much back, and I found myself saying to her, "Well, yes, and today is the 9th."
She didn'tlike that response. And I clapped my hand over my mouth, because the proper thing to say was, "Hold on one moment, let me see what I can do for you." These people know that and most of the time, they get away with not following deadlines.
So she stamped her feet a lot and asked to speak with the Donor's Relations Coordinator, or the woman in charge of all the FRIENDS accounts.
She was on vacation, because she forsaw this kind of thing happening and decided to take a "personal day on the beach."
Then the lady hit for one higher, and asked for the Director of Development, which is Donor Lady's boss and the woman who lands all of our big cash donations from Corporate America. I sent it to her and before I transferred I told her what I had said, and what she had said.
A few moments later, the DoD came down from her office laughing. "What's so funny?" I asked her. "I read off the flyer to her that said, 'until August 7th at noon,' and then told her it was August 9th." she said laughing, "I looked her up before you transferred her and she only donates $50 dollars a year. Harry Potter donates more than that!"
Yes, we have a donor named Harry Potter, yes, he donates more than that, and yes, he's the butt of donor-related jokes in our office.
I guess I wasn't the only one frustrated with the nimrods who keep calling in for tickets.
************************************************************* August 10th: I got to work at 7:35am. The phone started ringing at 7:55am. I answered questions non-stop (minus the sips of coffee) until 9:25am. Then, I went over to the box offices (which open at 10am officially) to help out. Since security and parking are so different from every other show we've had, we are having to collect every one's address and e-mail and we are sending them all the information on what and where and who and why, so there is less confusion the day of the event. So it was my job (I volunteered actually) to pass out the cards for them to fill out while they wait in line. The line was very, very long. I stayed busy passing out cards until 11:15am. Then FN took me out to lunch because he had walked by several times and saw me being filmed by a local news station, and wanted to gossip about it and his ex-boyfriend.
I finally got back to my office and started my day at 12:30pm because I had to first refill the water cooler because obviously the tall skinny girl can do it when the short fat women can't (sorry, a little aggression there). I sat down, my aggression with nimrods at an all time high. Opened my e-mail. Got new mail. Matt had e-mailed me asking me if I had gotten him tickets.
I wrote him: Matt, I'm sorry, just like losing your job, when you lose your girlfriend the benefits go with it. With Love, QSW
Six Degrees of separation from 7th Earl of Lucan..
... to Andy Warhol.
How? Wikipedia only knows, but I found myself looking at the 7th Earl of Lucan, and then 15 minutes looking at the page for Andy Warhol. I love Wikipedia. The whole thing was spurned by this.
Since I'm the life version of Office Space, it's only natural that I'd get promoted twice in the summer time. I'm now a full time employee. And I've started writing a novel. After sitting here all day doing nothing, I'm done with the first chapter and outline. It might be crap, and even if I don't do something with it, it'll be fun to say, "I started writing a novel once." Sounds so interesting. Apparently, my office thinks that it takes a LOT of work to continue to do updates to a website. It takes me about a half an hour every day.
The reality of my promotion is that I have to get up early like an adult and behave in an adult like manner(I had been getting to work at noon and leaving by 5). This is easy for me to do, alone, but when my friends act as if they are 12 years old, I get frustrated. Case in point, last night, when my old roommate RHM decided she was depressed. She decided to call me at midnight. I had JUST fallen asleep. I woke up and answered it without even thinking about it. She was crying, I talked her down from her tears and then she said she was going to let me go back to sleep. I set down the phone. 15 minutes later when I was about to drift off again, I got a text message from her. It said, "Tomorrow night I want to buy you a drink." Being half awake, and not thinking rationally I replied with an affirmative. A few moments later, she wrote back "Ok, good." A few moments later, she wrote again saying, "I miss you, AB." AB is her blog name for me. Those of you who know me in real life/facebook can probably figure out what it means. I repiled with a "I miss you too RHM" She knows that RHM is what I call her on my blog, except she doesn't know I abbreviate it to RHM, she thinks it's "Red Hot Mama" like it is in my phone.
This sounds cheesy.
It's my blog, shut up.
I got up from my bed and found FN in the living room playing video games. I put my arms around him and told him that RHM was having a bad night and if he was planning on staying up until all hours of the night, then he might want to call her and go do their usual "Let's eat at Denny's at 4AM." He patted my arm, kissed me on the cheek, and told me he would. Having RHM's bad night taken care of, I went back to sleep. At 4:30AM when they got back from Denny's (apparently they went around 2ish), RHM thought I was awake, so she ran into my room and said, loudly, "Hi AB!!" I sat up like someone shot me. "Feel better?" I asked, not sure what time it was. "Oh yea, thanks for telling FN to call me, I needed a Denny's night," she said. FN appeared in the doorway beside her at that moment, and I laid back down and closed my eyes. "Well, I know FN always likes stuffing his face with pancakes, so I thought he might as well have an audience while he does it," I said, smiling with my eyes closed. "Bitch," FN said, the humor obvious in his voice. "Goodnight AB!" and with that, RHM left and FN laid down in his bed. I peeked at the time. Grrrrrr.
7 AM came way too quickly. FN had the day until 12 to sleep in. Ironic, cause he's usually the one getting up early. I got ready, said goodbye to ID, and got into my car. My phone beeped with a new text message. 7:45AM, RHM said, "I'm going to really need that drink tonight." 7:46AM QSW said, "Ok, is something wrong, what happened?" 7:48AM RHM said, "JJ deleted me and I'm really upset and crying."
JJ is an ex boyfriend whom she had a long term fuck-buddy relationship with until recently, when he got a girlfriend.
At this point, I lost patience and rolled my eyes in disgust. I replied nicely though, "Have you tried calling him?" (assuming she meant deleted from AIM list) RHM: "Yes! Well, Text, that's how I knew he deleted me, because he didn't know who texted him." Me: "RHM, hun, did you ever think his girlfriend might have made him delete ex-girlfriends out of his phone?" RHM: "No, I know I'm being a girl, I'm sorry." Me: "You should go to bed." RHM: "Haha, I love you AB, because you know without asking that I haven't gone to bed yet." Me: "I know I'm like Sylvia Browne" RHM: "Haha, I'm going to bed."
That last text message was received, my phone was turned off, and for the rest of this day until after dinner, I have decided not to talk to her.
Woman on phone: I have a question about the Dalai Lama. Me: Ok, what is it? Woman: When tickets go on sale on Friday to Faculty and Staff, can I have someone stand in line for me? Me: No... you have to give them your ID and if you have someone else do it, they won't match the picture. Woman: What if I just give them my ID? Me: The box office? Woman: No, the person standing in line. Me: (wondering how retarded this person is) No that won't work, but an easy way to get around that is to call the box office and give them your ID number on that day, and then you can order tickets over the phone. Woman: Oh, so when the person in line gets to the box office then they'll just call me and I'll order the tickets? Me: No...... you can call the box office directly. Woman: Oh! That makes things so much easier! Me: Yea.... it does.....
Gheesh.
So last night when I called NG, the idea was to break it off with him. Enough was enough. I had a speech planned out in my head about how he treats me more like a friend then he does a girlfriend, and I want someone who I can rely on to drive me home after being out, or that will actually take time to listen to me, or will not be afraid to kiss me in front of my friends, or someone that will just be a man. I was really sad, because I really like NG even if he is a video gamer and sometimes that distracts him too much. So I called him. Took a deep breath and said, "We need to talk about things." He replied, "Yea, we do, I've been meaning to talk to you for awhile, but I just haven't." Me: "Oh?" Him: "Yea, I think you treat me more like a friend then a boyfriend and I don't like that. I want someone who will tell me to take her home when she wants to go, or that will not be afraid to say, "hey I want to talk," when she comes over upset, or someone who isn't afraid of holding my hand or kissing me in front of her roommate who is a mutual friend of ours."
My mouth dropped open.
"YOU DO THOSE THINGS!" I said completely shocked. Him: "I do not." Me: "You do too! This isn't fair, I wanted to say all those things first! I WAS going to tell you that I didn't want a boyfriend who wouldn't listen to me, or that would ignore my attempts to go home, or that would not want to touch me in front of his buddy which is a mutual friend. I planned this speech out!" Him: "You planned the speech out?" Me: "Yes! I'm a woman whether you like it or not, and DAMMIT WE PLAN THINGS OUT!" Him: "That's another thing, I like females, you keep trying to be like a man, because you hang out with mostly guys, but I want a girlfriend that is a female and gets mad like normal when I do something wrong." Me: "WELL I AM MAD, AND I'M TELLING YOU I HATE THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG." (I said this half yelling and half stamping my foot, apparently FN could hear the tapping/stamping inside the house) Him: "Man, you are being a total female now, 'I'm right you're wrong?' jeez, are you on the rag?" Me: "DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!" Him: "Kind of, you never got this upset with Matt." Me: "BECAUSE I HAD TO TIP TOE AROUND EVERYTHING HE DID!
And that is when it hit me. I had been treating NG like Matt all along. NG didn't demand the sort of things Matt did. When I got dumped by Matt, I remember crying to my mom about how I didn't feel I was losing a boyfriend, I felt like I was losing a friend. That was it. Matt demanded I not behave like a female, so I didn't, but I am one, and I was frustrated with Matt for demanding that, and now I was frustrated with NG because I was still holding myself to Matt's demands and holding myself back from being happy.
I felt like such a dumb ass.
NG had said something like, "I'm not Matt, so I don't know why you are tip toeing." I was too absorbed into feeling idiotic to completely catch it. "Oh my God, NG, I'm sorry, I'm a dumb ass," I said. "And its back to you apologizing for things," he said, "Stop it, you apologize for everything." Me: "You are honestly getting mad at me for apologizing? What if it's a heart-felt apology instead of a half-ass one that I don't really mean?" Him: "Um, that would be OK I guess... wait... which one's were the ones you don't mean?" Me: "Actually, pretty much all of them except the one I'm going to give you right now." Him: "Dang, that's cold." Me: "Don't worry, I'm not going to lie-apologize much after this. NG, I'm sorry I've been a dumb ass, and I would like to behave more like a woman from now on. I've been waiting for someone to allow me to, but I misread you in the beginning and I thought you weren't going to let me." Him: "Wait, was that a lie-apology?" Me: "No, smart ass" Him: "I like you for you, I don't want you to feel like if you need to talk and I'm playing a video game and not noticing, that you can't do anything but leave." Me: "I had half a mind that day to sit down next to you, press the start button on the controller to pause it and say, "Ok, me time, I didn't drive out here to watch you collect hearts and ammo."" Him: "I would have been shocked, and happy, and I wouldn't have been mad." Me: "Will you promise me that if you ever want to just be alone, even if you haven't seen me in awhile, that you'll tell me and not invite me out there so I can find out on my own?" Him: "Yea, I'm sorry, I just felt bad I hadn't been around much lately." Me: "Don't, and don't be offended when I say this, but I've dated 3 very ambitious men who didn't have all the time in the world for me, and I have really enjoyed that. I'm too independent to have someone breathing down my neck all the time. But, I like knowing that if times get bad I have someone there for me, and vise verse, but I promise I don't need you around me every day of the week." Him: "Ditto." Me: "I thought I only used that word." Him: "I'm pretty sure I picked it up from you a year ago or so, my last girlfriend hated when I said it. I'm happy you don't." Me: "I don't know why, but that's creepy." Him: "Everything is creepy to you, it's your new favorite word." Me: "Yea, because my last favorite word got stolen by a yucky guy." Him: "When I said be a girl...." (interrupting) Me: "Boys have cooties." Him: "Oh jeez." Me: "This conversation is tiring, I'm getting off the phone to play some video games."
He laughed and we said our goodbyes, and I was so happy that I made steak and potatoes again for ID and FN.
Apparently, I have a lot to learn about guys, although, not on what to feel them at least. Even the gay ones like steak and potatoes.
"It's ok hunny, it's your God given right to act on impulse."
- What FN told me after telling him my story.
So even though I like video games, and I'm currently playing one, I feel its not a good couple's activity. Just like I think sex is not a good single player activity. Both can be done, just not as fun.
So a few days ago, I text messaged NG with a "Hey, we should definitely watch a movie next time we hang out, I don't think I wanna watch video games anymore." He wrote back that that was fine with him. Sunday, he stops by and hangs out with all of us. I ask what he's up to the rest of the night and he said he was going to go home and watch a movie. I kind of thought he'd invite me to come with, but he didn't. So I sat down on the couch, after a bit of talking to him and ID, and started watching FN playing a video game. NG said goodbye and told me we should hang out tomorrow.
Monday came. I had had a bad day. Like clockwork, NG text messaged me at 5, but when I read it he said he was going down south first and asked if I wanted to come with. I told him I'd wait until he got back. When he got back he called, and I went over there. I got there and he was playing video games. He said Hi. After 15 minutes of sitting behind him and watching him play, he finally said something to me. "You should go get your laptop and help me figure out this level."
I was so dumbstruck that I was half way out to my car before I said, "What the hell?" I still grabbed my laptop from my car, but I was beginning to feel the anger and hurt grow. When I got back, I told him a few things he needed to know about the game, and then closed my laptop. "What are you doing, we might need that again?!" he said. "I'm going home," I said. Without looking at me, he said, "Is everything OK?" "Sure," i said, not really meaning it, but feeling as if I was talking to a wall.
I left.
About 20 minutes later, after I calmed down and thought rationally I sent him a text message saying "Hey, if you are getting bored with me, or wanted to play video games all night, you should have said something, it's better than driving out there and finding out that way." Yes that was after rational thinking. 20 minutes after that he wrote back: "You should have said something. Go to bed."
Go. To. Bed.
I didn't know I was dating my father.
In a complete impulse move I wrote back, "No, I'm out at the bars." I wasn't out at the bars, but for some reason it felt good to say that.
About 45 minutes later after I regained rational thought again I wrote him again: 1st: "You know, I didn't say anything there because its really hard to talk to someone who won't even put down the controller to talk to me. I thought you should know later, so I sent you that text message."
2nd: "I was utterly floored when you got mad at me in response to the first text message. Go to bed? What was that? I have no idea why you are mad at me, but for someone who wants me to talk, it would be good to lead by example."
3rd: I also thought I said I didn't want to watch you play video games anymore, so why would you invite me over tonight and not the night before when you wanted to watch a movie then.
4th: All of that, apparently I'm so wrong on. I really thought you were a nice guy.
Ok, the last one, a bit irrational. 4 text messages in a row for me, a bit psychotic. No response whatsoever to any of them, a bit shitty. After all that, what did my gay boyfriend say, it's ok, it's your God given right to act on impulse.
That's not even the whole story, but I'm saving the rest for the book I'm writing. If the boat is sinking, might as well hit the bottom hard.
"There you stand like a duck in a thunderstorm again -- aren't you every going to understand?" - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
ID has his hands full. Before you go, "Aw... poor ID, going from living alone to having a woman and gay man in his apartment," let me tell you the whole story.
FN and I moved in on August 1st. I'm still not completely moved in, and I'm currently sharing a bed with FN, but that's a whole different blog post.
Upon FN and I moving in, ID inherited many Pros and Cons and I'm going to list them:
Pros: 1.) He now has more movies then he can handle. 2.) He now has a PS2 plus games he's never played. 3.) He has a live-in cook, who has already prepared and cleaned up 3 meals for him. 4.) He has a crazy girl who after drinking heavily on Friday evening, still got up on Saturday morning at 9:30 in the morning and cleaned the walls and floor of his porch (they were disgusting, trust me) with nothing but a bucket, sponge, and cleaner (he has no hose or exterior water source.) 5.) He's definitely not lonely anymore.
Cons: 1.) He is now living with a married couple, without rings, but still the same thing. 2.) He has to deal with hair (let's face it, women always have more hair then men, I can't help it). 3.) He now has a roommate whom will yell angrily at him if he refuses dates for no reason. Note: he did have a reason and the reason was "it won't work anyway, she's rich," not a good enough excuse for me, it equals no reason. Everyone loves a sugar momma even for a few weeks. 4.) He now has someone hitting on him constantly, and it's not female.
Do you think he's suffering or he should be able to handle it?
At the end of this article there were people's comments on how they pick their wine at the store. I thought I'd share a few with you:
"The bigger the dent in the bottom of the bottle, the better the wine (so I've been told)." Kate, Bristol
I go for three things: 1. Full bodied 2. New world 3. Half price It's served me well so far. Sue, London
My criteria: 1. must be between £5 and £10; 2. must have an animal on the label; 3. must be from S. Africa, Chile or Australia and 4. definitely not French. Derek Ramone Crawford, Edinburgh, Scotland
I always choose my wine by the alcohol volume. Mandy Phelps, Quedgeley, Gloucester, UK
All my family choose on the shape of the bottle. A nicer shaped bottle is bound to have nice tasting wine inside and a boring, plain bottle something not so nice. Annabel Cook, Ipswich
I prefer a nice grape juice, and tend to find it tastes of grapes... Alex El Jundi, The Hague
I think I'm going to have to take some of these people's advice, especially that last guy... man, he knows how to pick 'em!
So I basically moved myself. All of it except a mattress and a futon. Alone.
Why QSW, when you have oodles of guy friends, wouldn't you have them help?
I'll tell you.
IrishDrinker: ID, the week of the move, was helping his boss move into a new house. One house for another house, and there was a lot of stuff. He even called me to help move he was so desperate for helpers. So when it came to my stuff, I didn't have the heart to ask him to help. He does so much for me already, emergency car fixes, fixing my garbage disposals, fixing my sink, and buying me beer when I'm broke, after that I couldn't ask him to help me move as well. He offered several times but I would always move something and not call him.
NotGay: NG offered to help me move as well, but since he works odd shifts and he's worked 6 out of the 7 days this week, I'd have to move on his time. Plus, his dad is in town from North Carolina, so I had a hard time saying, "Please, don't spend time with your dad that you see twice a year, come help me move instead."
FabulouslyNew: Had enough of his stuff to move. I didn't even go there.
Annnnnd drum roll for the final one!
Matt: WHAT?! You say? Yes, well, about 2 weeks ago I sent him a text message saying "I want my stuff, punk." The night I moved the majority of my stuff, I left my phone in my car. When I was basically done, I realized I needed to call FN. I went out and grabbed it, as I approached my car, I could hear it ringing. So I picked it up really fast. It was NG asking me something. I hung up and as I was walking in the door, I noticed a new text message. I open it and it's from Matt, saying, "Hey, I'm free tonight, if you want to come get your stuff!" I wrote back, "NO, any other night but this one, I'm exhausted from moving." He writes back, "Oh, you want some help, I can head over right now!" I literally threw my phone at the wall. 1.5 years of my life wasted with this man, in that time I moved 3 times and the waste of space would never help me, and I asked and let him know way ahead of time, but he would ALWAYS weasel out of it.
So I pieced together my phone and replied with "Fuck off."
Episode Five: Why be a Drama Queen when Drag Queens are better?
So in real life, FN, ID, and I are all moving in together. Well. FN and I are moving in with ID for 17 days. Well. Me permanently, FN for 17 days. Clear?
The first night this was suppose to happen, we ended up sleeping at my old apartment because no one would help me move my futon (FN's bed) and my mattress. I moved literally everything else into my apartment by myself including a bookcase, set of drawers, and a coffee table that is about 5 feet long and weights a ton. I just can't do the last two things by myself.
So FN goes to sleep on the futon. I go to sleep in my empty room with the mattress on the floor. RHM comes home at 1:30am. She walks in (she knew ahead of time that FN would be there), slams the door shut so loudly that I wake up in my room, then she STORMS to her room slamming the door again, then she STORMS back to the kitchen to make herself one of the biggest sandwiches I've ever seen, and then sits down her eyes brimming with tears.
FN and I were both awake and sitting on the futon by that point, which is (I'm positive on) what she wanted. After she eats half her sandwich, and FN popped in an episode of Will and Grace, she says, "I had one of the most disturbing conversations."
"Is it about your grandfather?" I asked, because he just recently got out of the hospital because he almost had a heart attack. "No," she said waving her hand at me, "With Amanda!"
Amanda is ID's old roommate. ID remains still very close to her. I'd say that of all the woman in ID's life, she ranks at two. Step-mom being first, and I being third.
"What about?" I asked, already knowing the answer. "ID!" she said, eyes brimming with tears again. "What about ID?" FN asked, a little too obviously annoyed that she hadn't spit it out already. "SHE" she said with a certain disdain, "asked me how sex was with ID!" "What did you say?" I said before FN could say another comment. "I told her! And then she started asking me all these personal questions!" she said, tears rolling down her face.
She decided to start in on her sandwich again. FN gave me a look like, "WE had to wake up for this?" If he had said it out loud I'm positive that the "we" part would have sounded like the "she" part that RHM had just said. I patted FN's leg and gave him a look that said, "Yea, I know, you didn't believe me all the months I complained about her drama scenes."
FN and I are at a super human level of communication now.
"Well," she had stopped eating again, "this sounds like a girlie thing to say, but has Amanda slept with ID before?"
Ah, the truth comes out.
"No sweetheart," I said, "ID is definitely not Amanda's type." "How do you know?" she said, weepy again. "Because Amanda's boyfriends usually have tattoos everywhere and they always 'accidentally' give her bruises or black-eyes, and I can't really see ID doing either of those things." RHM gave a sort of hiccup laugh. "That's hot," FN said. I pinched him in the thigh.
"You don't have to worry about anything," I said, in hopes she wouldn't say anything else in FN's direction, "Amanda is very nosey, she also assumed I had slept with SY when I hadn't. She basically implied that I had, and if I hadn't disagreed then she would have assumed for sure that I had slept with him. It's how she gets information. SO, don't think that she knows because ID has been telling her everything."
It was sort of half true. Amanda is nosey and does get information like that, but I was fairly sure that ID had told her everything. My statement pacified RHM anyway, thank God she doesn't know ID as well as I do. She got up and looked in the fridge, and pulled out my extra McD's hamburger from a couple hours earlier, and started eating it.
I heard FN draw in breath to say something, because it was him who had brought it over for me, and I patted his leg quickly and shook my head, the look I gave him said, "No, not your business and I told you she did these things as well, you don't believe me ever do you?" FN gave me a look that said, "Bitch, shut up, talk to the hand." RHM finished and looked at us and said, "Oh guys, go to bed, its so late!" "We are just going to watch one episode of Will and Grace and then we will," I said quickly before FN could open his mouth. RHM said "OK," then informed us she was going back out drinking.
She left, and FN said, "Oh my god, we had to get up for that?!?! Its like she had to have an audience to watch her eat! And why the hell did she tell Amanda about ID if she was going to get upset at the questions? And why the hell didn't you tell her that was yours? And why the hell is this TV so loud, are you deaf?" "I'm sorry," I said, "Which question did you want me to answer first." "In the order I gave them bitch," FN smarts off to me. "One, yes you had to get up for that because she might have sat on you if you hadn't, two, she told Amanda about ID because she loves drama and that makes good drama, plus.." "That'd be two point 1" FN interjects. "Shut up bitch," I said, slapping his leg and smiling. "PLUS," I said, imitating RHM's voice, "she really just wanted to know if Amanda had slept with ID and she was hoping to get the opportunity to ask." I stopped talking after that. "Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd," FN said. "I forgot the next question," I said. "What about the sandwich!?" FN said exasperated. "Oh yea," I started, "I'm a size two, and she's a size twenty four, if she wants to eat my unhealthy food, then so be it, but if she starts in on my salads then I'm a total bitch." FN cracked up. "And no, I'm not deaf," I said, "wait until the AC comes on, you'll have to turn it up." At that moment the AC came on. "Wow," he said, "You have good timing." "It's a talent," I said. "Ok, get off my bed, I'm tired and you have to get get up at 7am tomorrow," FN said. "Wait, when do you go in?" I asked, because usually FN has the early schedule. "11am" he said pushing me off the futon. "You suck balls," I said turning around to head back to my room. "Hunny, so do you, but I really don't have the energy to have a sex talk right now," he said. "HA HA" I said, and then collapsed on my bed.
