The Dalai Lama: A pain in my ass.

Woman on phone: I have a question about the Dalai Lama.
Me: Ok, what is it?
Woman: When tickets go on sale on Friday to Faculty and Staff, can I have someone stand in line for me?
Me: No... you have to give them your ID and if you have someone else do it, they won't match the picture.
Woman: What if I just give them my ID?
Me: The box office?
Woman: No, the person standing in line.
Me: (wondering how retarded this person is) No that won't work, but an easy way to get around that is to call the box office and give them your ID number on that day, and then you can order tickets over the phone.
Woman: Oh, so when the person in line gets to the box office then they'll just call me and I'll order the tickets?
Me: No...... you can call the box office directly.
Woman: Oh! That makes things so much easier!
Me: Yea.... it does.....

Gheesh.

So last night when I called NG, the idea was to break it off with him.
Enough was enough.
I had a speech planned out in my head about how he treats me more like a friend then he does a girlfriend, and I want someone who I can rely on to drive me home after being out, or that will actually take time to listen to me, or will not be afraid to kiss me in front of my friends, or someone that will just be a man.
I was really sad, because I really like NG even if he is a video gamer and sometimes that distracts him too much.
So I called him.
Took a deep breath and said, "We need to talk about things."
He replied, "Yea, we do, I've been meaning to talk to you for awhile, but I just haven't."
Me: "Oh?"
Him: "Yea, I think you treat me more like a friend then a boyfriend and I don't like that. I want someone who will tell me to take her home when she wants to go, or that will not be afraid to say, "hey I want to talk," when she comes over upset, or someone who isn't afraid of holding my hand or kissing me in front of her roommate who is a mutual friend of ours."

My mouth dropped open.

"YOU DO THOSE THINGS!" I said completely shocked.
Him: "I do not."
Me: "You do too! This isn't fair, I wanted to say all those things first! I WAS going to tell you that I didn't want a boyfriend who wouldn't listen to me, or that would ignore my attempts to go home, or that would not want to touch me in front of his buddy which is a mutual friend. I planned this speech out!"
Him: "You planned the speech out?"
Me: "Yes! I'm a woman whether you like it or not, and DAMMIT WE PLAN THINGS OUT!"
Him: "That's another thing, I like females, you keep trying to be like a man, because you hang out with mostly guys, but I want a girlfriend that is a female and gets mad like normal when I do something wrong."
Me: "WELL I AM MAD, AND I'M TELLING YOU I HATE THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG."
(I said this half yelling and half stamping my foot, apparently FN could hear the tapping/stamping inside the house)
Him: "Man, you are being a total female now, 'I'm right you're wrong?' jeez, are you on the rag?"
Me: "DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!"
Him: "Kind of, you never got this upset with Matt."
Me: "BECAUSE I HAD TO TIP TOE AROUND EVERYTHING HE DID!

And that is when it hit me. I had been treating NG like Matt all along. NG didn't demand the sort of things Matt did. When I got dumped by Matt, I remember crying to my mom about how I didn't feel I was losing a boyfriend, I felt like I was losing a friend. That was it. Matt demanded I not behave like a female, so I didn't, but I am one, and I was frustrated with Matt for demanding that, and now I was frustrated with NG because I was still holding myself to Matt's demands and holding myself back from being happy.

I felt like such a dumb ass.

NG had said something like, "I'm not Matt, so I don't know why you are tip toeing."
I was too absorbed into feeling idiotic to completely catch it.
"Oh my God, NG, I'm sorry, I'm a dumb ass," I said.
"And its back to you apologizing for things," he said, "Stop it, you apologize for everything."
Me: "You are honestly getting mad at me for apologizing? What if it's a heart-felt apology instead of a half-ass one that I don't really mean?"
Him: "Um, that would be OK I guess... wait... which one's were the ones you don't mean?"
Me: "Actually, pretty much all of them except the one I'm going to give you right now."
Him: "Dang, that's cold."
Me: "Don't worry, I'm not going to lie-apologize much after this. NG, I'm sorry I've been a dumb ass, and I would like to behave more like a woman from now on. I've been waiting for someone to allow me to, but I misread you in the beginning and I thought you weren't going to let me."
Him: "Wait, was that a lie-apology?"
Me: "No, smart ass"
Him: "I like you for you, I don't want you to feel like if you need to talk and I'm playing a video game and not noticing, that you can't do anything but leave."
Me: "I had half a mind that day to sit down next to you, press the start button on the controller to pause it and say, "Ok, me time, I didn't drive out here to watch you collect hearts and ammo.""
Him: "I would have been shocked, and happy, and I wouldn't have been mad."
Me: "Will you promise me that if you ever want to just be alone, even if you haven't seen me in awhile, that you'll tell me and not invite me out there so I can find out on my own?"
Him: "Yea, I'm sorry, I just felt bad I hadn't been around much lately."
Me: "Don't, and don't be offended when I say this, but I've dated 3 very ambitious men who didn't have all the time in the world for me, and I have really enjoyed that. I'm too independent to have someone breathing down my neck all the time. But, I like knowing that if times get bad I have someone there for me, and vise verse, but I promise I don't need you around me every day of the week."
Him: "Ditto."
Me: "I thought I only used that word."
Him: "I'm pretty sure I picked it up from you a year ago or so, my last girlfriend hated when I said it. I'm happy you don't."
Me: "I don't know why, but that's creepy."
Him: "Everything is creepy to you, it's your new favorite word."
Me: "Yea, because my last favorite word got stolen by a yucky guy."
Him: "When I said be a girl...."
(interrupting)
Me: "Boys have cooties."
Him: "Oh jeez."
Me: "This conversation is tiring, I'm getting off the phone to play some video games."

He laughed and we said our goodbyes, and I was so happy that I made steak and potatoes again for ID and FN.

Apparently, I have a lot to learn about guys, although, not on what to feel them at least.
Even the gay ones like steak and potatoes.