Episode Five: Why be a Drama Queen when Drag Queens are better?

So in real life, FN, ID, and I are all moving in together.
Well.
FN and I are moving in with ID for 17 days.
Well.
Me permanently, FN for 17 days.
Clear?

The first night this was suppose to happen, we ended up sleeping at my old apartment because no one would help me move my futon (FN's bed) and my mattress. I moved literally everything else into my apartment by myself including a bookcase, set of drawers, and a coffee table that is about 5 feet long and weights a ton. I just can't do the last two things by myself.

So FN goes to sleep on the futon.
I go to sleep in my empty room with the mattress on the floor.
RHM comes home at 1:30am.
She walks in (she knew ahead of time that FN would be there), slams the door shut so loudly that I wake up in my room, then she STORMS to her room slamming the door again, then she STORMS back to the kitchen to make herself one of the biggest sandwiches I've ever seen, and then sits down her eyes brimming with tears.

FN and I were both awake and sitting on the futon by that point, which is (I'm positive on) what she wanted.
After she eats half her sandwich, and FN popped in an episode of Will and Grace, she says, "I had one of the most disturbing conversations."

"Is it about your grandfather?" I asked, because he just recently got out of the hospital because he almost had a heart attack.
"No," she said waving her hand at me, "With Amanda!"

Amanda is ID's old roommate. ID remains still very close to her. I'd say that of all the woman in ID's life, she ranks at two. Step-mom being first, and I being third.

"What about?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"ID!" she said, eyes brimming with tears again.
"What about ID?" FN asked, a little too obviously annoyed that she hadn't spit it out already.
"SHE" she said with a certain disdain, "asked me how sex was with ID!"
"What did you say?" I said before FN could say another comment.
"I told her! And then she started asking me all these personal questions!" she said, tears rolling down her face.

She decided to start in on her sandwich again.
FN gave me a look like, "WE had to wake up for this?"
If he had said it out loud I'm positive that the "we" part would have sounded like the "she" part that RHM had just said.
I patted FN's leg and gave him a look that said, "Yea, I know, you didn't believe me all the months I complained about her drama scenes."

FN and I are at a super human level of communication now.

"Well," she had stopped eating again, "this sounds like a girlie thing to say, but has Amanda slept with ID before?"

Ah, the truth comes out.

"No sweetheart," I said, "ID is definitely not Amanda's type."
"How do you know?" she said, weepy again.
"Because Amanda's boyfriends usually have tattoos everywhere and they always 'accidentally' give her bruises or black-eyes, and I can't really see ID doing either of those things."
RHM gave a sort of hiccup laugh.
"That's hot," FN said.
I pinched him in the thigh.

"You don't have to worry about anything," I said, in hopes she wouldn't say anything else in FN's direction, "Amanda is very nosey, she also assumed I had slept with SY when I hadn't. She basically implied that I had, and if I hadn't disagreed then she would have assumed for sure that I had slept with him. It's how she gets information. SO, don't think that she knows because ID has been telling her everything."

It was sort of half true. Amanda is nosey and does get information like that, but I was fairly sure that ID had told her everything.
My statement pacified RHM anyway, thank God she doesn't know ID as well as I do.
She got up and looked in the fridge, and pulled out my extra McD's hamburger from a couple hours earlier, and started eating it.

I heard FN draw in breath to say something, because it was him who had brought it over for me, and I patted his leg quickly and shook my head, the look I gave him said, "No, not your business and I told you she did these things as well, you don't believe me ever do you?"
FN gave me a look that said, "Bitch, shut up, talk to the hand."
RHM finished and looked at us and said, "Oh guys, go to bed, its so late!"
"We are just going to watch one episode of Will and Grace and then we will," I said quickly before FN could open his mouth.
RHM said "OK," then informed us she was going back out drinking.

She left, and FN said, "Oh my god, we had to get up for that?!?! Its like she had to have an audience to watch her eat! And why the hell did she tell Amanda about ID if she was going to get upset at the questions? And why the hell didn't you tell her that was yours? And why the hell is this TV so loud, are you deaf?"
"I'm sorry," I said, "Which question did you want me to answer first."
"In the order I gave them bitch," FN smarts off to me.
"One, yes you had to get up for that because she might have sat on you if you hadn't, two, she told Amanda about ID because she loves drama and that makes good drama, plus.."
"That'd be two point 1" FN interjects.
"Shut up bitch," I said, slapping his leg and smiling.
"PLUS," I said, imitating RHM's voice, "she really just wanted to know if Amanda had slept with ID and she was hoping to get the opportunity to ask."
I stopped talking after that.
"Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd," FN said.
"I forgot the next question," I said.
"What about the sandwich!?" FN said exasperated.
"Oh yea," I started, "I'm a size two, and she's a size twenty four, if she wants to eat my unhealthy food, then so be it, but if she starts in on my salads then I'm a total bitch."
FN cracked up.
"And no, I'm not deaf," I said, "wait until the AC comes on, you'll have to turn it up."
At that moment the AC came on.
"Wow," he said, "You have good timing."
"It's a talent," I said.
"Ok, get off my bed, I'm tired and you have to get get up at 7am tomorrow," FN said.
"Wait, when do you go in?" I asked, because usually FN has the early schedule.
"11am" he said pushing me off the futon.
"You suck balls," I said turning around to head back to my room.
"Hunny, so do you, but I really don't have the energy to have a sex talk right now," he said.
"HA HA" I said, and then collapsed on my bed.