You are from the past? Get out of my way!

RHM and I are no longer roommates, last night was our last night in that apartment.
I started to throw out all the unnecessary, and it turned into a purging of my former life.

A book that Greg gave me that was horrible, why am I keeping it?
An Indian wall hanging that is faded on one side, from The Ex (Nishant), why?
A picture of Matt, when we were happy, out out out.

I realized how much Nishant and Matt had screwed with me over 3.5 years of my life.
Nishant was there for me emotionally, but only to a certain extent.
Matt wasn't at all. I couldn't even have girl moments with Matt, he wouldn't have stood for them.

A vase from JJ, I hated the fact that he bought me flowers every month, why am I keeping the vase?
12 mason jars full of Indian Spices that I haven't used since the break up, why am I keeping them? (gave to my brother)
3 polo shirts that say "Siggraph" on them, Nishant isn't even a part of Siggraph anymore, why am I?

Nishant had a domineering nature. I was broken at some point. I became submissive, and it's not in my personality. Matt only sealed my submissiveness more. Why did I let both of them do that to me? I remembered the fight with NG, and how he said, "Why don't you just tell me to stop? You have before!" Because that was when you were a friend, I can stand up to my friends. The minute you became my boyfriend, I became submissive. It's all I know.

More stuff from Nishant, why why why.
A gift from GH that I will never use.
My cat's dish bowl.

I stopped on the last one. I really missed my cat, but my mom and I agreed that she was happier with my mom then in an apartment. I was mad up until that bowl. I got really sad. My cat Olivia had never done anything mean to me. Yet, she was gone too. I wanted to talk to someone or just tell someone I was upset. My usual people to tell that too would have been ID, FN, and RHM. Those are the people I've always depended on. I text messaged NG.

"Hey, this sounds pathetic, but I just got really sad because I threw away my cat's bowl and I know she won't be living with me for a long time."
"Cat?" (NG hates cats)
"Yes, you remember her, I haven't had her in 8 months but she was with me at my other apartment."
"Oh yea, Olivia, right? I'm sorry. Next time I see you I'll give you a big hug. I'm sorry I can't do anything right now, do you want me to call you?"
"No, thank you, I appreciate it though :-*"

I felt so much better. No idea why. I just needed to say it. NG had passed as well. It only made me happier. Nishant would have said, "I'm sorry, Puppy," and left it at that, obviously I could handle it on my own. Matt wouldn't have bothered responding.
NG offered to call me, and even though he didn't like cats, was understanding about it. I think this is why my friends didn't want me to break up with NG. They all know how much better he is than the past ones. I'm starting to realize it as well.

After dumping several more things, RHM and I sat on my new balcony porch and toasted our first successful-moving-out-without-killing-the-roommate story.

I slept like a baby that night.