J'ai une date ce soir.

Je suis nerveux.

Souhaitez-moi la chance.

Il est avec un cher ami à moi.

Et je ne veux ruiner rien.

Je veux manger mon chat.

First: Matt vs. Men Second: Ass and Titties

So, whomever is going to seriously date me after Matt has it really good.

One: If you call when you say you are going to call (I'll probably faint first, but I'll call right back I promise), or if you say you're going to call at a certain hour and manage within the hour to call me, or if you say you are going to call in the afternoon and actually call me within the hours of 12 and 5, then I'll be your slave.

Matt only did that within the first couple of months I dated him... wait... no he didn't, he slept through our second date calling me later that evening apologizing.

Two: If you take the time to lead me out of a crowded bar without stopping to talk to every girl/guy who walks past you, and manage to get me home safely, I'll be your slave.

Once I got tired of waiting on Matt to finish talking to every Tom, Dick, and Jane that he walked past so I lead myself out of the bar, resulting in me passing out and hitting the pavement because the cold air was too much for me. He still managed to make it home 15 minutes after I did, and I passed out for 5 minutes on the pavement.

Three: If you are nice to my friends and nice to me, not only will I be a slave to you, but my friends will as well.

So I assumed from everyone's reaction to Matt that he was a well liked guy. Now that we've broken up, I have more and more people coming up to me and saying things like "Thank GOD you two are finally done, he treated you like shit."
These are the same people that would say to me "Where is Matt? Get that man out here, he's fun to hang out with!" WTF, Mates?**

And Four: If you can figure out how to be my friend and be my lover at the same time, I'll be a slave to you as well.

Matt never got it. Sometimes he'd be really sweet to me, but for the most part he treated me like his buddies, which is why I cried at our break up. I was losing a friend. A best friend. Not a lover though. Not a boyfriend.

**"WTF, Mates?" Came from this.
*************************************************************

So the post earlier about my 'hot piece of ass' was followed by the end of the evening where my friend Beau text messaged me with this:

Beau: I have a nice fire going, would you like to come over?
(I have never been to Beau's house)
Me: Fire?
Beau: Yeah, a big bonfire.
(there was a minutes interval)
Beau: I just saw a picture of your boobs.
(this resulted in me calling him)

Me: Excuse me? You may think you have a picture of those, but you don't.
Him: No, it was just a picture of Thursday night at chumley's when you and Warren took a picture together, you can see down your shirt. So are you coming out?
Me: No, I'm going to bed.
Him: Well If you change your mind let me know.
Me: I will, bye Beau.

(1.5 hour interval)
Beau is calling me.
I do NOT pick up.
A few minutes later I text "Sorry I was asleep."
Beau (text): No worries, I'm drunk.
(1 minute pause)
Beau (text): Just thinking of grabbing your boobies.

I wonder what he'll say when I call him today and asking him what he meant by that.
At least he's honest?

QSW was walking down a side street.

Dude sitting at a table: Hey! Hows it going?
Me: It's going.
Dude's Friend: Hell yea it's going, you keep it going you hot piece of ass.


WTF?


Do guys think that's a good way to pick up girls?
Is that guy still a virgin?
What the hell is wrong with men sometimes?
Is chivalry dead?

Nothing? NOTHING, tra la la?

Jareth: Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave!
Sarah: My kingdom as great... My kingdom as great...
Sarah: You have no power over me!

I'm going to sound like an egotistical prick for this post.

So I get dumped by a man who I've dated a year and a half.
3 month break in the middle, but total, 1.5 years.
I'm guessing most people would feel miserable and whatnot after that sort of break-up.
And the first weekend afterwards I was a wreck. A COMPLETE WRECK.
By Monday I was better, I hung out with Matt, and felt better.
He said enough about the break-up that I felt better about the whole thing.
Tuesday night my apartment burned.
Wednesday and Thursday I spent time at his place because of the smoke smell.
Friday I didn't really want to hang out with him.
By Saturday, I was feeling pretty good about the break-up.
Not because I was moving on.
But because I realized that the month leading up to our break-up, I was really unhappy, and even though loneliness sucks, I'd rather have it than him.
I was sad to lose my best friend, but I didn't lament the loss of drama in the relationship.

That being said, here is the ego part.
By Monday, I was looking in the mirror and saying things to myself like "Damn you look good," and "Shoot, why the hell did you cry over him? You could do so much better."

These are things I normally don't say to myself, period.
Add that to the fact that I was saying this 2 days after ending a long-term relationship.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I would wonder just that, when those thoughts would creep into my head.

I got a little clearer picture when RHM told me what George said (ok, his real name is Matt, and I'm confused half the time in real life, so I'm switching his name to George).
She and George were getting sloshed together one evening following my break-up(i wasn't around at the time), when George decided to go on a 15 minute rant about how "QSW, deserves so much more than what Matt was. She needs someone to love and care for her. She's such a smart and wonderful woman, I can't believe Matt didn't try harder to be with her. etc. etc."
RHM told me this, with a look that read "you better not have a crush on him, because I do and I'll hate you if you take him from me."

I was kind of shocked.
I barely knew George, and already it would seem that he had a crush on me.
This was followed by ID going nuts and calling me every half hour to make sure I was "OK" and whatnot.
I know ID is in love with me, and now it's becoming painful to be his friend.
I have told him on two separate occasions that I do NOT want to date him.*
He says everything just in the right way so that I can't say "Wait a minute, let's talk about this," or anything of the sort.
I know better though, he's trying to position his pawns so that he can say "Check" or "Checkmate."
Not going to happen.
Maybe this is why I have an ego after being dumped?
Not much else explains why I went from throwing up because of sadness, to "Hell, I don't need him, I look amazing!"
Seriously, I think something is mentally wrong with me.

*Granted that one time was 4 years ago, and the other time was 2 years ago, maybe I have to tell him every 2 years I know him?

Friend's category? Hell no!

Here's a little diddy about Jack and Diane...

Jack and Diane knew each but not in the same small town.
They met at college.
Diane was fun-loving and smart, and did the best that she could.
Jack sat back, and watched without saying much.
Jack had a good job and a life, but wanted one to share it with.
Diane had many to share her life with.

Jack and Diane had many mutual friends.
They saw each other at least once a week for years.
Diane felt that Jack, was way out of her league.
Jack felt the same about Diane.

Diane loved and lost, many times over the years.
Jack lost, but mainly it was his clothing to girls he didn't care for much.
Diane would cry and talk, and share all her moments with Jack and all their friends.
Jack didn't say much.

Jack waited patiently until the day that Diane was single.
Then told her that he liked her.
Diane sat in shock until she realized that she liked him as well.
She just never thought about it much, Jack was tall, smart, handsome, and completely out of her league.
She agreed to go out on a date with him.
During the date she realized that she knew nothing about Jack.
Jack was animated and talkitive during the date.
Not at all like him.
He pulled out chairs for her to sit, opened doors for her to walk through, and offered to pay for everything.
Diane was stunned.
When they sat down to know each other, Diane found out things about Jack that she never knew.
Jack had 8 siblings.
Imagine sitting once a week with someone and never knowing that.
Other things she found out about him made her realize that this was one man in her life that cleanly and smartly kept himself out of the friend's category.
Jack just sat back and waited.
Diane got a compliment or two from him occasionally, and that was enough to not question him further, or to get to know him.
Jack was a smart man.
Diane always thought herself a smart and perceptive woman, and realized on that date that she was a silly girl.
Jack was obviously trumping her aces.
Cool, smart and in a James-Bond-like way, managed to win the hand, and to Diane's amazement, win another date with her.

Lesson to the men whom might read this.
If you want to stay out of the friend's category you shouldn't get to know the woman, whom you want.
She'll talk enough, as long as you compliment her.
If you sit back and don't say much, she won't get to know you.
She won't find out your flaws.
She won't know your qualities.
She just won't know you...
... which means you can never be thrown into the "friend's" category.

It puts the lotion on its skin.

You know that saying or whatnot "when you start a relationship, every hot guy comes out of no where and asks you out?"
Well they should have a similar saying that "when you end a relationship, every ex boyfriend comes out of no where and says hi."

Geez.

Mickey - IMed me two nights ago.
Danny (the cop) - I ran into at the gas station last night.
The Devil - tried calling me 4 nights ago, and left a message saying he wanted to "talk" because his wife which he cheated on me with(wasn't a wife at the time) has cancer.
My friend Bryan whom I haven't dated but created huge problems with me and The EX, Imed me last night and asked if I was still with The EX.

And this morning at 8 am (somehow I was already awake), GH called me.
I answered on a whim.
"I didn't think you'd be awake." he immediately said.
"Why did you call me then?" I asked.
"I needed to talk to someone, I think I'm going to dump Medusa," he said.
I groaned a little and asked if he knew that Matt and I broke up.
He knew.
I made him promise that there was NO REASON on why he was breaking up with Medusa other than they weren't working out.
I told him that if I was a factor I was going to chop off his balls.
Medusa is mean, but she doesn't deserve that.
He assured me it wasn't and then (I think) suddenly regretted calling me since I was taking it that way.
I told him the long run in with the Ex's of my life, and how I was beginning to feel like I was on a reality version of Days of our Lives.
I think he felt a little better that my angst wasn't completely directed at him.
Then he gave me one of the best compliments ever.
He said, "QSW, I think that you leave impressions on people, and those impressions make people sincerely care about you. While all those people would probably jump at the chance to date you again(or date for the first) I think they also sincerely care that you are happy in life. They contact you still because even though it didn't work out with them, they want you at least happy in life. I'm not saying they don't have ulterior motives but I think those motives are shoved down if you are happy."

I talked with him awhile longer about Medusa, and then he got off the phone to go spend the weekend with her and her parents.

Ex-boyfriends kind of suck sometimes and sometimes they make me feel better, if only for a moment.

Part Deux

Yea, I already have a feeling on this one, based on the comments on the last one... but here it goes.

Good idea, bad idea.

Ending up at the same bar as your ex-boyfriend and your friends.
Your ex has a table full of 20 friends.
So do you.
You leave that table to go hang out with 2 closer friends.
Your ex walks up to the table to say hi.
He sits.
He stays.
He's there for so long that numerous friends come find him to ask where he is.
He's there so long that most of his friends leave the bar, before he leaves the table.

Basically, he sits all night at your table, with your friends.

You go home with him because your apartment still smells like a campfire.
You drink more, watch a movie together, and have sex.
The next morning, you are the one that over sleeps.
He lends you a t-shirt of his so that you aren't more late to work by running home first.
You land at work with a t-shirt that says "Chicago Police Department" and everyone in your office knows you are from Indiana.

Yea, yea... I KNOW... Bad idea, and somewhat of a walk of shame.

Good idea or bad idea?

Let's play a game.
It's called "Good idea, bad idea."
I'll give you a senario, and you tell me whether my idea was a good one or a bad one.

#1 : Tuesday evening I felt weak, and asked if Matt had a minute. When he responded, I stopped by his apartment, and ended up watching a movie there until 12, then going home.

#2 : Early Wednesday morning (5 am), my apartment building caught on fire. My first thought was to text message Matt, because I was tired and wanted a place to stay. Since he didn't respond, I slept in my car for the remainder of the evening/morning.

#3 : Since my apartment now smells like I had a campfire in my living room, and the air in the apartment gives me a headache, I asked Matt last night if I could stay in his spare room so I could sleep in peace. He said yes. I went over after sitting at a bar for most of the evening because it was better than breathing the air in my apartment.

#4 : Already tipsy, Matt and I continued to drink after I arrived at his apartment.

#5 : Drunk, Matt encouraged me by allowing me to sit on his lap, and talking about going to see movies together.

#6 : After being good and drunk, we decided to start talking about our past relationship.

#7 : Drunk, and hurting, and retarded, I asked him why we couldn't be friends with benefits until the end of summer. At the end of summer I leave, and it'll be easier for me to continue on through the summer with him than without him.

#8 : Matt didn't say yes or no, but decided to counter that with telling me how much he still cares for me and how he wishes it didn't have to be this way.

#9 : We sleep in the same bed instead of separate, and we curl up together to sleep.

#10 : I was awoken in the night by Matt who was yelling "I can handle two pussys!" and "Oh baby, you know I can handle them both!" in his sleep.

#11 : After waking him and telling him what he had done, he decided to tease me for awhile about it. Even waking but not opening his eyes and pretending to say it in his sleep again.

#12 : Matt over slept and it felt like he was blaming me for it. So I left, quickly.

#13 : I had a change of heart, drove back, parked outside his apartment building. I went and got coffee for the two of us, and waited until he got out of the shower to tell him that I was driving him to work, so he'd at least be there sooner. He accepted, and as he got out of my car I said, "Get your two pussy loving ass out of my car."

I know everyone has their own way of breaking up, but seriously, which numbers were bad ideas? I'm not saying I'm going to listen to you either, I'm just saying I'd like to know.

As I drove, my CD started playing "Last dance with Mary Jane."
"How fitting..." I thought.
I was driving to Matt's apartment to return his things and to watch the last episode of 24 with him.
When we broke up, I asked him to watch the last episode with me, we had watched every one together, and I couldn't think of not watching the last one with anyone else.
This past weekend I spent majoritity of it crying at anything, and throwing up anything I ate.
I hadn't held anything down since Friday... and even then, I threw up twice before Matt even came home.
I was not handling this break up well.
I got out of the car, and went inside.
Matt knew I was coming, he and I had had long e-mail conversations on whether or not this was a good idea or bad idea.
I told him I needed this to survive the week, he didn't understand it, but had accepted it.
I could tell he was really worried about me not eating anything for 3 days.
I arrived, and he looked apprehensive.
I set his stuff down, and picked up the DVD I had given him on his prior birthday.
"I took this the night you broke up with me, I ran around collecting things, saw it, and took it because I thought 'fuck him, I gave this too him on his last birthday and he's breaking up with me on this birthday,' I'm sorry, I don't know why I did, because I just felt worse when I got home with it." I told him.
He genuinuely laughed.
I smiled and said "Sorry, I'm an asshole."
Laughing still, he asked "Do you want it? I mean, if it'll really 'put it to me' then you can steal it from me."
I started genuinely laughing.
"I'm so glad you are smiling," he said.
"Matt, lets be honest here, you must have noticed that I was distancing myself from you more and more this past month, I was preparing for a break up, but it happened so much sooner then I expected. Instead of breaking up when we both moved from here, it happened now, and I felt like I lost my best friend because of it. Now you are here, and I feel hope. Not for you and I to date, but for you and I to still know each other." I told him.
"QSW, I was really hurt when you said that you didn't want to see me ever again. I broke up with you now because in December when we both left it would have been much harder even if you didn't think so. I want to be friends with you, I want to know you, I really care about you. I didn't break up with you because you were awful to me, or because I didn't want to hang out with you, you are my best friend too." he told me.
I teared up a little at that point.
He hugged me.
Changing the subject, I started talking about the weekend and how everyone was freaking out about me throwing up and crying uncontrollably.
Some parts were funny and we both laughed at them.
He told me about his weekend and everything that happened.
Then 24 started.
We laughed and joked about it like we usually did, and half way into the first half I suddenly found myself hungry, it was the first time since Friday.
I turned to him and said, "Ok, I'm going to to be a complete asshole and tell you that I'm hungry, and I actually want to eat something, so I'm eating your food."
Before anything else was said, he had bounded into the kitchen and was opening cabinets.
"What about this?" he said holding up meat.
I explained to him that my stomach would probably reject that just on principle and after several "what about this?" questions, I decided on rice.
I ate 14 bites of rice.
I know this because Matt counted them.
And... ta da! I didn't throw up.
"You want a milkshake, I'll go buy you a milkshake, I think you need a milkshake." He said.
I just stared at him wide eyed and then said "Do you want a milkshake?"
"Yeah, lets go," and off we went to get milkshakes.
We made it back for the last half of 24 and we made plans to watch Sopranos the following week.
He asked what I was doing this weekend and I told him I didn't know.
He wants to hang out and watch movies, if I'm not doing anything.

Maybe it's not the best idea to be friends with an ex.
For now, it helps me much more than hurts me.
I don't care about not holding hands, or kissing, or sleeping next to him.
For the last month I did none of that anyway.
I felt a little sad still, but for the most part, much better than hours earlier.
I talked a bit after 24 and then told him I was heading home.
He told me that if I needed anything at all to call him.
"Screw that, I'll text message you, it annoys you more, " i said.
He laughed and I left.
I got into my car and "Last dance for Mary Jane" was still playing.
Before I had the chance to change it, it skipped.
I looked at the player, and it changed itself to the next song.
"How fitting..." I thought.

When Matt and I broke up the first time, I did it to save myself from getting hurt.
I knew he wasn't into me as I was to him, and I knew I was starting to fall for him.
So I ended it.

This time.
I fell really hard.
And now it feels like I'm losing my best friend.
He's being really sweet about it.
And I am very very depressed.
Thank you for your kind words, but until I can get myself stable again, I might not post here very much.

So in case you didn't know it, the end was near for Matt and myself.
I found text messages on his phone from Dawn.
They said "I miss you boo!"
and he replied with "I miss you too."

At that point I knew it wasn't long.
The whole time we dated he never once said "I miss you" to me.

This past week, every tried to spend time with him.
He didn't bother to return my phone calls.

Tonight, I asked him through a text message, whether or not he was going home for his birthday tomorrow.
He replied, with "I'm out at the bars, your brother is here"
I said, "Are you upset with me?"
He replied, "yeah, we should talk when I get back from Chicago."
I told him that it wasn't fair for him to make me live the whole weekend like that.
I said "after a year and a half, you at least owe me the break up tonight."
He said, he was staying out for a bit longer with his friends.
I told him I was going to wait for him at his apartment.
He said ok.
That was two hours ago, and I'm still waiting.
I kind of thought I meant more than that.

I told him I was freaking out.
I'm 6 days late.
He just didn't bother to respond to that message.
Why should he? He only cares about himself.

The Pen is Mightier

(Henry Jones shoots a nazi with ink from a fountain pen)
Marcus Brody: Henry, the pen.
Professor Henry Jones: What?
Marcus Brody: Well don't you see? The pen is mightier than the sword.

Flash forward to SNL

Sean Connery: Alex! I'll take the PENIS MIGHTIER for $200.

I thought that was funny.

My past has seemed to catch up with me recently.
My friend Annette and my friend Cyra both have called me within the last 24 hours.
Annette's phone conversation was interesting she's still hung up on her boyfriend from college, and needed advice for it.
That conversation ended with a "Oh my god, I'm such a bitch, I swear I didn't appreciate you as much as I do now, I wish I had hung out with you every day at college."
I replied with smilar sentiment.

Cyra called me (after almost 7 months of not talking) and her conversation revolved around a relationship of hers that just ended and how lonely and bored she was.
Her conversation ended with "Oh my gosh, please, let's do a road trip to the middle of nowhere soon, I need my best friend!!"
I returned similar sentiment.

And now I'm talking online to a friend who lives in Washington D.C.
He moved out there a year or so ago, and from what other people have told me, he lives in a very happening city.
He just IMed me telling me how he likes to find people to date and talk to through Craigslist, but the all turn out boring and how he's so bored and wants me to come out there because he had so much fun with me in college.
I told him "We will see, if I get vacation." but there is no way I'm going.
The man has serious biological clock issues and seems to be searching for a lifetime mate.
No thanks.

Just interesting, is the real world that lonely?

So true.

FabNew and I went to see Spiderman 3 together.
A date between my gay boyfriend and myself.
It was awesome.
When I got out of the movie theatre I had 3 missed calls.
One was from MM wanting to know if I'd like to eat dinner out at his house.
The other was from ID telling me about the dinner, and the third was from a friend asking me if I wanted to see Spiderman.

I called MM back and made plans to come out there, and he said "Call ID and you two can decide on what to bring together."
Ugh.
I love ID to death, but lately he's been REALLY CLINGY.
There is no doubt that ID likes me, and if I didn't have a boyfriend, I'd have more problems with him.

So I was telling FN about how clingy he was.
FN brought up 4 more examples of men in my life that are clingy.
I said "ugh" some more.
He started laughing and said "Do you know that the only man in your life (besides me) that isn't clingy is your boyfriend?"
"That is why I'm dating him" I said.
FN started laughing harder.
"You have such a love/hate relationship with him too." he said.
"I know" I said.
"I know you love him to death, but at the same time, if he became any of the guys you know, you'd absolutely hate him." he said.
Sooooo true.

One funny thing that ID did say this weekend...
He went to a wedding on Friday, which he was the best man at.
After the wedding, his buddy and him were standing outside smoking.
His buddy turned to him and he said,"You know, every dumb thing I've ever done you were standing next to me during it, I'm glad you were here today, because for some reason those dumb things always turned out alright in the end."
Soooo true.
The only time ID has ever been arrested as been with that buddy.

Pancake Cookies

Yesterday I went out for one beer after work.
FN and I sat down, ate dinner, and by the time I was finished, I was completely exhausted.
I walked to someone's house, and asked if I could take a nap.
He said sure, and I laid down and was out for an hour and a half.
When I awoke, I stumbled around trying to figure out where I was.
This person was in the kitchen, and I walked in to see what he was doing.
He was making cookies.
"Aw.. " I thought and asked him what kind.
"Chocolate chip," he said as he scooped out what looked like flour from the bowl.
"What are you doing?" I asked, standing just behind him, looking over his shoulder.
"I poured too much baking soda in the mixture, but it should be all out by now." he said.
I thought "that's hard to scoop out, maybe I should tell him the cookies probably won't turn out," as I moved away from him.
"Do you have to stand over me?!" he snapped.
I gave him a look and said "Soooooo, sorry!" and left the kitchen, suddenly glad I hadn't said anything.
As I left I wondered just how much baking soda he put in.
Normally it was my job to make the cookies, this is the first I had seen him do it.

I decided I needed to get some kind of caffiene to wake up.
I also decided to get him more of the ingredients that he ran out of, because those cookies were going to be disgusting.

I walked into the kitchen again to tell him I was walking to the grocery store.
He was busy scooping out CHUNKS of baking soda that wouldn't mix into the mixture.
The recipe called for 3/4th teaspoon, and I'm guessing he put in 3/4th cup in.

I came back, and I noticed he had started over.
THANK GOD.
I was trying really hard not to laugh through this, he doesn't try this stuff often, and I wanted to be supportive.
I walked over to him and placed the ingredients next to him.
"Oh good, I needed those," he said.
I stared at him measuring brown sugar.
He was shaking it loosely into a measuring cup, then dumped it into the mixture.
I couldn't take it anymore.
"You have to press that, " I said.
I grabbed the other measuring cup, filled it up, MASHED it down, and then filled up the rest, flatting it again.
I dumped it into the mixture.
"This is why you usually do this, " he said.
"I know," I said and walked out of the kitchen again.
When he was done, he asked me to taste it, and I told him it tasted like cookie dough.
"See, I am self-sufficient" he said.

Later on in the night, we started talking about the cookie episode again.
Honestly, I felt like it was an "I love Lucy" episode, except somehow I was Ricky, and he was Lucy.
I started laughing about it.
He started laughing about it.
And then I was laughing so hard I was in tears.
He didn't think it was that funny.

I work at a place that brings all the "shows" to campus.
Broadway, blue grass, comedy, you name it we've brought it.

We announced the 2007-2008 season in April.
In May the "friends" (aka, donors) could start ordering, and in June, the rest of the people can start ordering.
The general public is handled by the box office, but we handle the "friends."
Part of my job is taking every order form we get and putting it into a GIANT spreadsheet.
Boring as hell, but it's fun to see which shows are selling more and whatnot.

As I was processing an order today I noticed someone had used an address label instead of writing out the information.
It's a common practice but this individual had marked out half of it.
After looking at it more closely I noticed that this person had only marked out the "and wife" part in the title.
Instead of "husband and wife lastname"
it was just "husband lastname"

Who does that?

This individual had also purchased 15 different shows... one ticket each.

So interesting. Here is a man, whom for some reason got a divorce, and it bothers him about as much as having to find the white out for an address label.
Why even bother going to a show with someone? Heck, he'll go alone, better seats that way!

In other news, Harry Potter finally turned in his order form.
That's a funny one too.
His wife didn't even take his last name, almost saying, "Hun, just because you have to suffer with that name doesn't mean I'm going to be known as Mrs. Harry Potter!"

I swear I don't make this stuff up.

Song of the day: Franz Ferdinand - Take me out

Up or Down?

Ladies and Gentlemen:
I know how there is a war in place amongst the sexes.
Ladies say Down.
Gentlemen say Up.

Ladies you have just lost one of your own.
I say Up.
Let me explain myself before you start throwing tampons at me.

For over a year now, he-who-shall-not-be-named and I have been together.
Without given a choice, I was told the toilet seat…… remains up.
At first I rebelled.
I left it down all the time.
But…. the man can complain,
and the man can argue,
and the woman wanted him to stop talking.
So I started putting it up.

Now, after being fully trained to put it up, I see the benefits of it.
Who here (women) has ever walked into the bathroom, found the toilet seat down, but with yellow marks all over it?
I have.
Who here (women) have ever come in late at night, and just sat down without looking, and sat on a rim of a cold toilet, but not the seat?
I have.
And who, amongst you women, has ever lifted that toilet seat to clean underneath, and almost gagged at what you saw sitting there for days, if not weeks?
I have.

Now my point:
I am fully trained to put the toilet seat up.
No matter how tired, drunk, stressed, confused I am, I will always walk in, grab the toilet seat and put it down.
That means that since I’ve dated he-who-shall-not-be-named I’ve never once sat down on the cold rim of the toilet.
Since I always put it up, no matter how tired, drunk, stressed, confused he-who-shall-not-be-named is he never has to worry about peeing on the seat…
…this means that I have not had to deal with yellow spots on the toilet seat for more than a year.
And my final point… and this might be the only one that the women enjoy… because the toilet seat is always up, he-who-shall-not-be-named always makes sure that the rim doesn’t look bad, because it’s constantly on display. So if he does have a “shaking” accident, he immediately cleans it up, because I leave the toilet seat up, and he doesn’t want me to see his mistake.

I’m thinking the “toilet seat up” might be the most hygienic procedure out there.
Ladies, call me a wheel, but I’m going to turn on you.

I love this song.
John Jorgenson is going to come here and play it too.
I'm so excited.

**************************************************

My kitten Olivia came home yesterday.
Well to my home anyway.
My parents are going to Italy for two weeks and Olivia and another cat do NOT get along very well, so my parents are sceptical with leaving them alone together.
I thought it was silly until I picked up Olivia (after 5 months of not seeing her) and she had a huge (huge to me) hole in her ear.
My roommate (who is somewhat allergic to cats) promised me that two weeks of Olivia wouldn't kill her, especially with the nice weather and doors open.
I already have a video of her opening the door by herself.
And in the style of DC Chick, I'll probably end up putting it off to the side, even though its not the best quality.

BTW, if you haven't seen the video of DC's Dog, you should, it's hilarious.

Little pink houses for you and me.

So I went home to my little town yesterday.
I needed to get away, even if it was for a day.
On my way home today, I was just driving through my small town, when I saw many people I knew/know.
My thoughts were:
"Wow, Gina got huge!"
"Adam looks like he works out now."
"Kelly still has horses apparently."
and
"Wow, Griffen is still alive?"

It's funny how just driving through caught me up to date to so many people.

Later in my drive (it's three hours, lots of time for thought), I was thinking about how many past boyfriends still try to contact me.
The EX is the only one I'm happy to hear from, but since he's getting married, he's been sort of out of the picture lately.
Just in the last 8 months I've had two contact me through MySpace, and one through Facebook... gotta love stalker sites... all of them I didn't bother replying too.
As I was thinking this, I noticed the semi in front of me.
All thoughts stopped and in that perfect "How Ironic Is This?" moment, I saw the logo on the semi was one that I had helped create.
"Wait, no way," I thought, "Too big of a coincidence."
After the EX and I broke up, I rebounded onto a man named Greg.
He lived in Chicago, and for awhile I thought his family might be part of the Russian mafia, they creeped me out.
Greg wanted to get married to me.
I dated Greg for 2 months, and saw him all of four times.
Four weekends.
Creepy.
Anyway, one night he IMed me telling me that he was creating a logo for his dad's new company.
He showed it to me and it was a big "L" on the outside of a big "V."
His father's company was actually VL.
It was also in light gray and light yellow.
I told him my input was to make the "V" come first and the "L" second.
Then I said that red or blue would be better than the gray or orange would look better than the yellow.
I didn't want to give him too much advice and plus I thought his designs looked horrible, so that's all I said.

I was staring at a logo that was the same font, but the V came first and the L second, it was also red and blue. Plus, I was on a highway that was heading to Chicago.

I had to pass this semi.
I pulled around and started to pass...
When I saw Greg's Dad's Company's Name.

Small Towns and Small Worlds.

Thank you to everyone who left me a comment.

Matt has been reading this blog and the night before that post ripped into me for it.
At least this time he said I was a good writer instead of "pedestrian."
That might be the only positive outcome.

Basically the fight was mostly about how I write everything about my life, which is his life too, which is a valid point.
But I've left out a lot.
And those are a few.
I've exaggerated a lot too.
But that didn't seem to matter.
He thinks his career is in jeopardy because of my writings, so this is the last post in reference to him, and I'll be taking down all the pictures soon.
I wonder if "the man formerly known as Matt" would work.
It worked for Prince.

I left work early today.
Our network was down, and all I got accomplished was make a new graphic for the top of my blog.
On my way home, I stopped by Matt's apartment to drop off cans of coke (long story).
While I was there, I decided I was going to take a shower because I hadn't had time before rushing to work (who sets their alarm for 10 pm instead of am? Me, that's who).

Let me back up.

I got up at 8 am this morning.
The mattress I was lying on was vibrating.
I looked around bewildered.
Matt was passed out with this mouth wide open and his arms were above his head.
He reminded me of a gorilla with his 5 day scruff.
I pulled back the blankets, and looked around, the vibrations were coming in minute intervals.
Had to be his phone.
I patted him down, I thought he might have put it in his pockets.
I realized I wasn't patting pockets, they had miraciously disappeared.
Then I realized he had his pants on backwards.
I moved his arms down, and rolled him over.
Sure enough, his phone was in his "back" pockets.
I started scratching his back to wake him up.
After about 2 minutes he woke up, sat up, and said "POWERADE!"
I handed him the Powerade on the coffee table, throughly amused.
He drank it all.
And threw the blankets off of him.
And asked what time it was.
"8:10 am," I said.
"Oh hell, my meeting is not until 9:30," he said as he pulled the blankets back up and over his head.
"Up!" I said pulling all the blankets off of him and walking to the bathroom to start his shower.
"Bitch," he said, laying staight like he was in a coffin.
He rolled himself into the shower and after 45 minutes finally got out.
I had rolled myself back into the blankets and reset my alarm for 10....pm.
As a last gesture, he opened one of my eyes with his finger and said "I'm out."
"Bye Gorilla Face," I said and he stroked the side of his face on the way out the door.

Cut back to me entering his apartment.

I started the shower and got in.
While I was showering, I noticed my razor had been moved.
"Odd," I thought, most of the time he likes to pretend my stuff isn't there.
I picked it up.
There was hair in it.
I laughed out loud.
He hadn't used this to shave his face, so there was only one other possiblity.
Suddenly the 45 minute shower didn't seem so strange.
Most girls shave or wax. I wouldn't want oral pleasure amongst hair, so I assume that men don't want it either. Sadly, it has been my experience that men don't share this sentiment. I was happy, when I first started dating Matt, that he did.
Most of the time, he does grooming when he grooms his face as well, this had been a first of one and not the other... and it was hilarious to think how it came about.
Matt is a smart man, he gets a lot more blow jobs than some of my past relationships, simply because he's not afraid of the razor... even if it is pink.

I thought... but I was wrong

I thought Matt didn't want to hang out with me.
But I was wrong.
And he was sweet about it.
And I feel like a bitch.
And I found out that Medusa really wants to be my friend.
GH sent me an e-mail that she wrote him about how she wishes she could be my friend but didn't think it was possible because she dated my brother and then my ex.
I feel like an utter bitch today.
And all the networks are down at work.
So I created a new header.
Go me.

"...so then I thought, I might as well buy a handle of Captain while I was here..." Matt said with an almost Italian accent.

He had just finished telling me about how he had had a bad day at work because of his experiments. Apparently he had left work and thought "I want a steak tonight" and even though he had 4 in the freezer, he decided that those 4 were for "us" so he went to grocery store and bought around 5 pounds of meat (mostly steaks) and a handle of Captain Morgan.

My bad days were spent with the biggest piece of chocolate I can find and the largest almond latte I can buy, that and a good book, so who was I to judge?

"Well, I'm sure you'll be very happy this evening..." I said, "I'm off to have a drink with the girls and then home to bed."
I handed him the Operating Disk that I was returning.
"Did this work?" he said motioning to the O.D.
"No, apparently its a 'reinstall' disk and I need the full thing," I said.
"Hold on, that disk might be in one of these two boxes," he said pointing.
He grabbed one and handed the other to me.

I started to sort through this box...
First I pulled out 500 napkins...
then, a bag full of lotion bottles from hotels...
then, condoms (at least 3)...
then, a towel...
then, a sock...
Followed by the CD's I was suppose to look through, but most of them were unlabeled, I lifted up a couple and said "Porn?"
He glanced quickly and then said "Probably not, I usually label it, unless I was with a girl at the time that didn't want me watching it."
"Or alone?" I thought to myself.

I looked at him, after putting everything back in the box.

He and I had both struck out on finding the O.D. that I needed.
"Well," I said getting up to go, "You have a fun filled evening with steak, rum, lotion, porn, napkins, a sock, and a towel."
He looked in the box.
"....and" I said backing slowly down the hallway to the door, "Don't forget protection, there should be some condoms there too."
My hand slowly reached behind me to grab the door handle.
"You are such a sarcastic bitch," he said throughly amused by my actions.
"Mmmhmm.." I said and moved myself around the door never cutting eye contact, "you have fun now.." and closed the door with me on the outside.
I walked down the hall said hi to Matt's neighbor and I was out the door heading to my destination.
A few moments later my phone buzzed and I had a new text message from Matt.
"Coming over for porn later?" it said.
I just smiled and headed out to the bars.

I know he loves my craziness.