As I drove, my CD started playing "Last dance with Mary Jane."
"How fitting..." I thought.
I was driving to Matt's apartment to return his things and to watch the last episode of 24 with him.
When we broke up, I asked him to watch the last episode with me, we had watched every one together, and I couldn't think of not watching the last one with anyone else.
This past weekend I spent majoritity of it crying at anything, and throwing up anything I ate.
I hadn't held anything down since Friday... and even then, I threw up twice before Matt even came home.
I was not handling this break up well.
I got out of the car, and went inside.
Matt knew I was coming, he and I had had long e-mail conversations on whether or not this was a good idea or bad idea.
I told him I needed this to survive the week, he didn't understand it, but had accepted it.
I could tell he was really worried about me not eating anything for 3 days.
I arrived, and he looked apprehensive.
I set his stuff down, and picked up the DVD I had given him on his prior birthday.
"I took this the night you broke up with me, I ran around collecting things, saw it, and took it because I thought 'fuck him, I gave this too him on his last birthday and he's breaking up with me on this birthday,' I'm sorry, I don't know why I did, because I just felt worse when I got home with it." I told him.
He genuinuely laughed.
I smiled and said "Sorry, I'm an asshole."
Laughing still, he asked "Do you want it? I mean, if it'll really 'put it to me' then you can steal it from me."
I started genuinely laughing.
"I'm so glad you are smiling," he said.
"Matt, lets be honest here, you must have noticed that I was distancing myself from you more and more this past month, I was preparing for a break up, but it happened so much sooner then I expected. Instead of breaking up when we both moved from here, it happened now, and I felt like I lost my best friend because of it. Now you are here, and I feel hope. Not for you and I to date, but for you and I to still know each other." I told him.
"QSW, I was really hurt when you said that you didn't want to see me ever again. I broke up with you now because in December when we both left it would have been much harder even if you didn't think so. I want to be friends with you, I want to know you, I really care about you. I didn't break up with you because you were awful to me, or because I didn't want to hang out with you, you are my best friend too." he told me.
I teared up a little at that point.
He hugged me.
Changing the subject, I started talking about the weekend and how everyone was freaking out about me throwing up and crying uncontrollably.
Some parts were funny and we both laughed at them.
He told me about his weekend and everything that happened.
Then 24 started.
We laughed and joked about it like we usually did, and half way into the first half I suddenly found myself hungry, it was the first time since Friday.
I turned to him and said, "Ok, I'm going to to be a complete asshole and tell you that I'm hungry, and I actually want to eat something, so I'm eating your food."
Before anything else was said, he had bounded into the kitchen and was opening cabinets.
"What about this?" he said holding up meat.
I explained to him that my stomach would probably reject that just on principle and after several "what about this?" questions, I decided on rice.
I ate 14 bites of rice.
I know this because Matt counted them.
And... ta da! I didn't throw up.
"You want a milkshake, I'll go buy you a milkshake, I think you need a milkshake." He said.
I just stared at him wide eyed and then said "Do you want a milkshake?"
"Yeah, lets go," and off we went to get milkshakes.
We made it back for the last half of 24 and we made plans to watch Sopranos the following week.
He asked what I was doing this weekend and I told him I didn't know.
He wants to hang out and watch movies, if I'm not doing anything.

Maybe it's not the best idea to be friends with an ex.
For now, it helps me much more than hurts me.
I don't care about not holding hands, or kissing, or sleeping next to him.
For the last month I did none of that anyway.
I felt a little sad still, but for the most part, much better than hours earlier.
I talked a bit after 24 and then told him I was heading home.
He told me that if I needed anything at all to call him.
"Screw that, I'll text message you, it annoys you more, " i said.
He laughed and I left.
I got into my car and "Last dance for Mary Jane" was still playing.
Before I had the chance to change it, it skipped.
I looked at the player, and it changed itself to the next song.
"How fitting..." I thought.