QSW: Calmed down, but still pissed.

So, I feel hurt right now.

I think it's the feeling that ID wants me to feel.

Which makes me angry.

And makes me behave like a 2nd grader.

I don't think I care much at this point.
Because I don't return ID's affections, and I've explained to him I never will (twice now) and I've done more mature adult-like things like not talking about my significant other in front of him or gushing about my weekend. I got punished, in a very Jerry Springer-like way.

So I'm stooping to his level.
Normally I come home and talk to him.
Tonight I'm going to lock myself in my room and refuse to talk.

The things I could be blamed for:
-Not telling ID at first about Mr. Lust.
--------- to be fair, I didn't tell anyone at first except you (the bloggers) and my next door neighbor
He was the last to know, along with my friend Amanda... but only by two days since the third-to-last-one.

-I didn't tell him on purpose because he made NG, ABNB, and Mr. Lust all promise to not date me. I knew this, I knew that it bothered all three of them, even Mr. Lust, who got dragged into promising it at the last minute.
--------- I'm not sure why this is my fault, but he says it is.

-Sneaking out of the apartment and lying.
----------- I feel like I'm 13 and rebelling against my parents. I did both of these. I'm a private person. ID comes into my room all the time, he uses my computer without asking me, when I leave I have to tell him where i'm going and when I'm returning so we don't have another "episode" like when NG came looking for me. Screw that. I moved out of my parents house for a reason.

Personally, even reviewing those things, I'm not less-mad.
If anything I'm more pissed off.

Madeleine Peyroux – You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go

Drunk. Angry. Post.

I am living with a 5th grader.

ID got mad that I was dating someone new.

FINE.

I didn't tell him right away... OH BIG DEAL.

He BASHED me to a mutual friend of ours... BASHED. B.A.S.H.E.D

I decided to make things better with ID and I.

I invited him and RHM and my next door neighbor out for drinks.
We were having a good time until ID complained that he didn't have the money to go see SY.
Since his birthday is coming up, I thought it would be a perfect time to coordinate a surprise visit to see SY for him.
Buy him a plane ticket.
Check with his boss (i know her daughter) and see if he has the vacation time.
Plan the trip.

I text messaged SY who said he'd love to have ID come visit him.
I texted ID's co-worker and boss's daughter.
She called ID.
She's 30 with two kids and a serious boyfriend.
She asked if ID had done something stupid.
I texted messaged her and said, "Traitor ;)"
She texted messaged me back and said, "Sorry, I stick with my own kind."

MY OWN KIND?
DO I HAVE A DISEASE I DON'T KNOW OF??

I wrote back, "sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

Then it all clicked.

ID HAD BEEN FUCKING BAD MOUTHING ME.

I'm going to kill him.
If I don't post for awhile, come visit me in JAIL cause I'm going to KILL HIM WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS WHILE HE'S SLEEPING.

I invited my two best friends out with him, neither of them knew the whole story other than he and I had a fight and now it was over.
He apparently BITCHED ME OUT FOR NOTHING.

I hate him.

*takes a bow*

Rant over.

Chicago: the windy, you-might-as-well-walk-cause-you-aren't-getting-your-car city.

First, Chicago was wonderful.
Mr. Lust and I had a grand time there and both of us want to go back.
In true QSW fashion, my life and vacation wouldn't be complete without a little drama, so of course I fought with my roommate the Thursday before I left.
I hadn't told him I was going to Chicago.
I hadn't told him I was dating Mr. Lust.
I decided to get tipsy on Thursday and not dodge his pointed questions on what I had been doing with my time.
He was mad because I lied to him.
I didn't care, but Mr. Lust kind of felt down that already our relationship had a mark on it (if you will). I didn't want to explain to him that ID is the drama King of our generation and falls in and out of love faster than Kangaroo on steroids hopping along a highway. It seemed to be enough that I knew this, and I know within a week he'd be onto the next love of his life...
I was these past few week's love because ID didn't know I was dating anyone, and the last love-of-life rejected him the week prior to NG and my break-up, I've been this part of the drama/play at least 7 or 8 times. At least I don't have Ellen's shoes (mutual acquaintance), she's been the lead role at least 20 to 25 times.
...I still didn't want to deal with Mr. Lust's questions or disbelief on the subject so I just waited for him to forget about it. He forgot as soon as we hit Lake Shore Dr.

Chicago
We drove in... past the Art Institute, past Lake Michigan, past Millennium park, and both of us got really excited. We stopped at a stop light and three little kids dressed as bumble bees crossed in front of us while slim orange leaves fell like snow on his car.
"I'm so excited," he said. I couldn't say anything for a moment because of my excitement so I just gripped his hand.

The yellow dot is our hotel. The green paw prints are places we stopped.
We were 15 minutes (walking) from anywhere in the city that we wanted to go.

We arrived, checked in, put down our stuff, tested the bed, and then we were off to see the city. 3pm we started walking (the whole time remaining below the river) and at 6pm we decided that it was time to eat. Finally, at 7pm we picked a place to eat after walking around downtown searching for a place. At 9pm we were done with dinner (and tipsy) so we went back to the hotel, watched a scary movie and went to bed.
The second day we started out at the Corner Bakery which was... ironically (?) around the corner from our hotel. This time we took off for above the river. We went up and down Michigan Ave, we veered off on some side streets and basically just took in Chicago. At 2pm, we were at the Oriental Theatre and sitting in our (very good) seats waiting for "Wicked" to begin.
The performance was fantastic. The lead role was played by a woman who could really hit all of her notes. I've seen Broadway in New York and this woman could easily get a gig at any number of shows there. She was fantastic.
After the show, Mr. Lust and I booked it to a nearby (7 blocks) sports bar to catch the second half of the Saints game, which in our apparel and carrying "Wicked" paraphernalia, must have seemed ridiculous, especially when we started taking shots of Crown Royal during the game.
When the shots came, Mr. Lust toasted.
"To the woman whom I can watch a musical with, then watch a football game with, and take shots with, all the time still being interesting and fascinating to me."
We clicked as on lookers stared at us wondering what was wrong with the picture of two seemingly yuppie type people, in semi-formal wear, clinking shot glasses, sitting at a table covered with a checkered cloth, 20 TVs around them blaring football, and kissing.
After the bar, naturally we wanted to drive.
We walked back to the hotel and Mr. Lust decided we should drive out of the city to eat. We called for our car.
We waited, and waited.
Someone came around the corner and asked if we were owners of a black Jeep, but we assured them that we had a silver Murano.
When someone showed up at the car pick up place asked for their car, got it, and we were still waiting, Mr. Lust got angry and went and complained.
Apparently, the black jeep was suppose to be ours.
It was a scary feeling since it wasn't, but we were handed the keys anyway (the Indian man couldn't understand that we were saying, "yes, right ticket, no, wrong car.")
Mr. Lust got worried that his Murano was gone. Since the keys were so easily placed in his hand for the black jeep.
Panic ensued.
After another 20 minutes of searching, they finally found the car that we had been switched with, and thankfully, it was still there meaning the Murano was still there.
They didn't charge us the 45 dollars of keeping it there for over 24 hours.
As a result we moved it to a different parking garage.
That was the only hiccup in the entire weekend.

Over all, I'd say that's a near perfect weekend for me.

Halloween: Cheers to an improved holiday!

Halloween... A night to eat candy and get drunk.
Well, that's what I always thought it as. I don't have any bad memories with the holiday and normally I look forward to it like I do Christmas.
New Years and my birthday always suck though. I hate my birthday and New Years always seems a built-up let down. St. Patrick's day was an alright holiday until Matt and GH ruined it for me. Valentine's day sucks. Don't even get me started with 4th of July after NG decided to be a complete prick to me. Hopefully I'll forget that one soon.
Thanksgiving has to be the best holiday. Food and Football.

Back to Halloween. I like candy, booze, pumpkins and Fall, so naturally Halloween was in the top three of my favorite holidays. I never thought of it much other than that. I was never overly excited or really disappointed about it until this year. This year Mr. Lust has effortlessly made it into something I'm extremely excited about. So excited, I'm kind of scared at the disappointment that might come from it. My original plans were to get dressed up as a bar wench, throw a party, invited my closest friends and serve hot apple cider with spiced rum in it. Scratch those plans. Mr. Lust called me on Tuesday and told me that he had to pick a colleague up at the airport on Monday morning at 5AM. He seemed hesitant. I said, "Ok dear, I understand if I won't see you much on Sunday." I didn't know what else to say. "Why don't you come with me?" he asked.

Hmmm.. getting up at 3AM and driving to Indy to pick up someone. Not really fun, I've already done it for my work. Oh well, I really like Mr. Lust and I'd feel better knowing that he had someone to talk to on his drive down.

"Ok, What time are we leaving for Indy?" I asked, "3AM or earlier?"
"You think I want you to get up at 3AM and drive with me to Indy?"
"Yes... what do you want me to do?"
"Haha, QSW, that's why I really like you, you show me how much you like me and you don't even realize you are doing it. I love the fact that you'd want to drive with me at 3AM, just to spend time with me."
"And to make sure you drive safely."
"Even better, No QSW, I don't want you to come with me to Indy. The plane lands in Chicago. I want you to come with me to Chicago and stay with me downtown on Saturday night, explore Chicago, and then Sunday evening go to a hotel nearer to the airport where we can get up at maybe 4AM and get my colleague from the O'Hare airport and drive back."

"You want me to spend the weekend in Chicago with you?"
"Yes dear, I do, and I thought maybe we could go see Wicked, I already have the tickets, I'm just waiting your approval."
"Really?! I've always wanted to see Wicked!"
"I know"
"How do you know that?"
"On our first date with sushi, you mentioned how you hope your office books Wicked next season so that you could see it."
"Did you take notes on our date?"

I was suddenly filled with lines from Bridget Jones' Diary:

BRIDGET:Hurrah. Am no longer tragic spinster but proper girlfriend of bonafide sexgod, so committed that he's taking me on a full-blown mini-break holiday weekend.

"No, no notes..."
"I'll do it!"
(laughter from him, rich and deep, if he wasn't on the phone he would have been naked in moments)"Well, good, I'll book the hotel."

And that's the moment that Halloween looked like like Milk chocolate drenched in dark chocolate over Carmel cheesecake, instead of a Snickers bar.

Halloween Fun: Self Guillotined man

Friday night Mr. Lust took me on the Tour of Terror walk.

TofT is a stroll around downtown Lafayette Indiana (where I live) that is put on by the Civic theatre. They basically walk around and point out sites where real murders happened, where there are bullet holes in buildings, and the stories behind all of them. (Example will be later)

It's a big fund raiser for them and I've wanted to go for the last four years.
First, The Ex didn't want to waste time walking, then I dated Matt.... yea, not happening... I had already mentioned it to NG who said "Why would you want to walk around and learn about stuff? You could just go to the library and find out all that stuff."
RHM didn't want to go.
ID didn't want to go.
Amanda didn't want to go (funny story on why later).

I didn't even mention it to Mr. Lust.
I can only handle so much rejection.

So Friday rolls around and Mr. Lust tells me that ge got an 8 % raise at work and would like to take out his favorite ladies to dinner (aka, his grandmother, mother, and myself).
While we are eating dinner, he asks me if I'm busy the rest of the evening. I tell him I'm not, and he says that I should pick anything I wanted to do and he would do it. I started to open my mouth to say TofT, then I closed it, then I opened my mouth and said, "We should see 30 days of night."
"What was the first thing?"
"Eh, I just kind of want to go on Tour of Terror, but I can drag someone else with me."
"I've always wanted to do that, lets go."
"Really?"
"I'm not in the habit of lying."

His mom and grandmother thought that was such a cute thing for a couple to do.

So I went.
It was fun. It was crispy cool outside and our path was lit by lanterns making everything eerie.
We walked to 5th street where my friend Amanda lived.
We stopped nearby her window.
"Now here is the story of the Self-Guillotined Man." the tour guide started.*
Mr. Lust and I listened to a story about how a man had checked into the "Lahr House" (which is the present day apartments where my friend Amanda lives) and had several trunks with him. He then constructed a guillotine out of several boards, an axe, a box, leather straps, and a candle. The axe was spring loaded. It was attached at the end of the boards and then strung to the wall. The man attached a box to the wall, put a pillow in it, put his head in it, and waited for the candle to burn through the string. When it did, the axe fell and chopped off his head.
"It happened in that very room" the tour guide said in a shaky voice, and then pointed to my friend Amanda's room.
I laughed.
The rest of the group, including Mr. Lust stared at me wondering how sadistic I was.
I explained.
The tour guide looked genuinely horrified, then asked if we could take the whole tour up there.
I said no.
Still... it explains why Amanda didn't want to go on the Tour with me.

*New York Times article on the event.

Football Saturday

Sorry, this is a post that you'll have to click on the picture to read.

The Noisettes - my new favorite band.


Last night.
Oh my.
Let me back up:
So, Mr. Lust's family knows everything about Mr. Lust because he works with almost his entire family minus his 15 year old brother and 20 year old sister who are both still in school.
His mother, father, and older sister all work in the company as well.
Family business, just a 120 million dollar family business.
A few nights ago he broke it to me that most of his family knew that we were dating and knew of the story of how we came about.
Oh well, it was better than Matt and him not telling his parents anything.
But still, sort of odd.
Then I thought about it.
My mom knew everything.
Ok, so I'm sort of being hypocritical.
I dropped it and took it that he was just happy we were dating and thought he'd tell his mother as well as tell me he told his mom (his mom told the rest of the family).

Last night:
I got a text from Mr. Lust at 9:30ish and he told me he had gone out to eat/drinks with his sister (older) to discuss business, but now they were both done and he wondered if I'd like to come out to the Knickerbocker and have a drink with them. He said, "Bridgette would like to see you again!"
I had met her once, at a football game, a long time ago, when he and I were just "friends."
I was mildly flattered and incredibly curious.
I went out.
It was fine at first, she gave me a hug...
...So did Mr. Lust... and a quick kiss on the cheek.
We all drank for awhile and told stories and had a good time.
Mr. Lust got up to use the restroom.
His sister turned to me and said, "I adore him."
I felt I was being tested.
"I do too." I said.
"Do you?" she said, "Because I don't want to see him hurt again, and he seems to really like you, and I don't want another Naomi because I was really close to her and she broke his heart."

Oh God.

I knew of Naomi, the last serious girlfriend of Mr. Lust, and I half wondered if she ran away in terror from, not Mr. Lust, but from his family.
I knew that his sister knew that Mr. Lust and I technically started while I was still seeing NG, and even though it was innocent, she had to wonder. I also knew that for the most part his family doesn't give his girlfriends (excluding Naomi) much of a chance and usually immediately thinks that they are gold diggers.

"I don't want to break his heart," I said.
"Well good," (and then she reiterated exactly what I just wrote above)"I don't want to hate you, QSW, but I will be the personal enemy of whomever hurts Mr. Lust."

I knew this was going to come, I knew at some point I'd have to talk to his family, I knew his family and he were really close, I just had no idea it would be so soon. Half of me wondered if she did that JUST to scare me off and so the rest of the family wouldn't have to deal with me.

God, am I dating someone in the mafia?

"If it makes you feel any better," I said to her, looking directly in the eye, "I don't like the way Mr. Lust and I started either, obviously you know the story, and you know that we didn't get much farther than dinner before I ended it with my ex boyfriend, besides that, I do really like your brother, I have fantastic conversations with him, I read the same sort of books he does, and we both have gone to some of the same countries, so it's fun to talk about things like that with him. I'm not sitting here saying I want to have his babies and marry him, but I'm promising you I'm taking him seriously."

"You've been out of the country?" she said.

Wow, they must have really thought I was a gold digger.

"What... Can a girl from Southern Indiana not be able to fly out of the country?" I said, answering a question with a question, and being perfectly edgy and bitchy.

Her eyebrows went up and a slight smile slipped on and immediately off her face.
"No, just most Indiana farm girls haven't gone out of the state... much less the country," she said, not backing off.

"Well, I've been to London four times, Italy twice, Germany, France, Belgium, Guatamala, Cayman Islands, Bahamas and who knows where else... and I don't know about you, but I always like breaking stereotypes," I said.

This time she genuinely laughed.

Mr. Lust came back at that moment.
"What are you laughing at?" he said.
"We were just chatting and your girlfriend (she turns to me) It's alright that I call you that right? (I nod, she turns back) and your girlfriend really stands her ground on things, I see why you respect her," she said.

Mr. Lust was kind of lost but decided he didn't want to ask.

ROUND ONE - QSW Wins, Mr. Lust ends up in the dark.

As much as I want to post everything that went on this weekend, I don't have the energy. So here is the gist.

I found out that NG became the idiot he did because he found out from a "friend" of mine that I was going to break up with him.
It's why he went crazy that fateful night.

I watched a movie with Mr. Lust, and afterwards he and I got coffee and discussed the book I was reading.

I went to a wedding with ID and his family on Saturday.

His parents now have the wrong idea about ID and myself and I think ID is getting the wrong idea too. He has no knowledge of Mr. Lust.

In fact, no one other than FN knows much about Mr. Lust.
I've been very secretive and hush-hush about the whole matter.
I don't know why this is. Normally I talk a lot about my significant others.
I have seriously sneaked out of my own apartment to avoid being questioned on where i was going. Thankfully, my room has it's own door.

I just suddenly realized this while I was typing out my weekend gist.
And now I have to go back to work.

You, me, and the Llama with one "L"

Three things:

First, some of you have commented that I'm witty in my conversation.
That is not true.
I rip lines from movies and use them as my own.
Example:


Charade reference (for those who can't see that) is the line where Audrey Hepburn says something like, "You forget, I'm already a widow" and Cary Grant who is a good 30 years older than her says, "Well, that's the problem, you are too old for me."
I took the role of Cary Grant in my conversation with ML, who will not be referred to as Mr. L because the only "L" word used for him will be "lust." (thanks, scotty)

Reggie Lampert: Here it comes, the fatherly talk. You forget I'm already a widow.
Peter Joshua: Well, so was Juliet, at fifteen.
Reggie Lampert: I'm not fifteen.
Peter Joshua: Well, that's your trouble. You're too old for me.

How to lose a guy in ten days reference comes from the scene in the movie where Kate Hudson decides to name Matthew McConaughey's member. Another good part of that scene is when she says "...little, big, little, big..." but nonetheless, I used it, ripped the idea right out of the movie. (some of you might have caught this one since its a newer movie)

Andie: Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?
Ben: Who's Princess Sophia?
[Andie points at his crotch]
Andie: Little, big, little, big... I don't know... we will find out!
Ben: You can't name my member... Princess Sophia.
Andie: Yes, I can!
Ben: If you are gonna name my... member, you have to name it something hyper masculine. Something like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King!

So there you have it. I'm not that witty or creative, I just steal lines well. ;)

Second, I am at work right now.
And I just found out that I'm escorting a camera man around to take pictures of his Holiness:

Which means, that every important person coming to this talk, will have their picture taken by the man who I'm escorting.
Which means a background check for me is currently being done because I'm going to be so close to His Holiness.
Kind of exciting...

Third, tonight we have our private Soiree for our biggest donors.
So I get to mingle, eat for free, drink wine for free, and watch a private performance from these boys:


We are still trying to guess the sexuality of one of them, and the really cute one is taken (girlfriend will be there even).
But Damn.... I like me some eye candy. ;)

(Like how I switch from stealing my wittiness, to standing next to His Holiness, to sounding like I'm a dog in heat? I'm kind of odd)

The Witching Hour

NG never read a book for fun, even found it odd that I did.
I have a bookcase in my room of all my favorite books.
Book. Case.
More than one shelf of just books.
Readable books. Not School books.
Not to say that school books aren't readable... just boring.

So, Friday was the final day with NG.
Monday I went on a date with Mr. Lust.
He knew I had a relationship, but he didn't know it had ended, I think he was happily surprised when I agreed a second time to go out with him.
And I didn't tell him right off the bat that NG and I had ended.
He took me to a local restaurant named Scotty's and we sat down and started chatting.
I found out more about him.
He's a Vice President of a 120 million dollar company.
He wants kids one day.
He wants to be married.
He's scared of gold diggers.
He hasn't been in a relationship since December of last year.
That girl ended up wanting to be married to him after 8 months together.
He's been to jail(not prison) a couple of times because of his teenage/college years and being a hot head during them.
The times he's been are because of the following:
-Getting caught having sex with his girlfriend at age 18(she was 15).
-Being pulled out of his cousin's car while he was asleep, apparently she saw the cops and ran inside leaving her pot in the glove compartment box (age 19).
-Throwing a man through a bar window because he was sexually harassing one of his female friends(age 22).

QSW: Your honesty is amazing.
ML: It is the best policy.
QSW: Why are you telling me this?
ML: Because I like you and for some reason you don't seem to be judgmental with me.
QSW: Well, I am, I'm trying to figure out which illness to fake right now so I can leave.
ML: Aw. Am I that bad?
QSW: How old are you now?
ML: Twenty Five.
QSW: See, there you go, you are too old for me.
ML: (laughing) How old are you?
QSW: Twenty-four.
ML: When is your birthday?
QSW: January.
ML: I'm a total of 8 months older than you.
QSW: Yea well, I'm not a gold digger, I'm a baby snatcher.
ML: (laughing)This conversation gives me hope, and if you aren't meaning too, then I suggest you stop it.
QSW: Hope for what? I'm not sleeping with you after this meal, so if that's it, then I'm sorry to have given you hope.
ML: I don't want to just sleep with you, I want to date you, I'm just patiently waiting to see if you and NG will work out or not. Do you think I just want to sleep with you?
QSW: Well, I do call you Mr. Lust, and I think its considered "impatiently" if you've taken me out twice.
ML: Mr. Lust? To who do you call me that? Whats wrong with my name?
QSW: I don't like your name, I thought about Princess Sophia, but decided you didn't need a royal title.
ML: Sometimes I can't tell if you are joking or not.
QSW: I know. Its part of my allure.
ML: How serious are you and NG?
QSW: Pretty serious.
ML: Am I wasting my time then?
QSW: I don't think so.
ML: How so?
QSW: Well, because we broke up on Friday.
ML: (eye brows went up) How are you serious then?
QSW: I'm pretty seriously done with him, and him with me.
ML: (smile twitching in the corners of his mouth) I see.
ML: I brought a book for you.
QSW: Really? I can't read.
ML: You are a very smart woman for being illiterate.
QSW: I've had excellent man servants who read for me.
ML: (laughing) Then maybe they'll read this for you as well (hands me the book, The Witching Hour)
QSW: (surprised) I've actually always wanted to read this.
ML: I thought it would interest you because you talked about our local history of witches and murders on our last date.
QSW: Wow, I did talk about that. What a depressing subject to talk about on a date.
ML: I think you were nervous, and I found it interesting. I even Googled some of the stuff the next day to find out more about it.
QSW: I was not, other than nervous about someone walking in and seeing me on a date with a man other than my boyfriend.
ML: (corner-twitching-smile)I never said what you were nervous about.
QSW: (pause) Damn.
ML: When can I take you out again?
QSW: I don't know, I have a lot of reading to do, probably sometime at the end of next week.
ML: Actually I just remembered my Aunt wanted to borrow that book from me, I'll have to give it to her first.
QSW: OH ok (hands it back) Well, this date has to end early now, because Border's closes in 15 minutes (its next door to Scotty's) and I need to go book shopping. I think I might pick up some more of Anne Rice's stuff, some sound so interesting.
ML: You win. (hands book back)

You have now been a fly on the wall to one of the sweetest things someone has done for me on the second date...
...they've brought me a book to read.
(I am not being sarcastic, I think it's highly romantic)

Two hours, not Twenty Four hours.

I went out with Amanda on Friday night.
I was planning to break up with NG on Sunday night.
I wanted some "girl time" to kind of take a final bow to this over-run relationship.
I left the bar at 12:50ish because Amanda had decided to take a funnel to my mouth and pour alcohol into it. I didn't need more alcohol I was already getting a massive headache.
She wouldn't take no for an answer (which is weird, isn't it the guy's job to give alcohol profusely to a girl?).
I finally called ABNB (who had been out with us earlier, along with ID) to help me get rid of Amanda and the two other guys who were buying shots and not letting me leave.
He was on his way home, but thankfully, turned around and came back to help me.
He showed up and successfully got me and another girl away from those people and took both of us home.
I was not only dealing with a massive headache but also my period which felt like something from the movie Alien.
I knew Amanda.
I knew she'd come back and try to break down my door.
So I decided to leave.
I went two blocks away, climbed into my car, and passed out after turning my phone to silent.

That backfired on me when Amanda showed up with NG at 1AM and decided to wake ID into a drunken panic. Obviously I was kidnapped, dead, or whoring it up, for why else wouldn't I be home on a Friday night at 1AM. They started calling me and everyone else to find out where I had gone.
I awoke sometime later and found that there were 20 missed calls and 15 new text/voice messages. At 3AM, I text messaged them and told them that I loved them all and hated them all at the very same time, but please, leave me alone, I'm fine. Most people responded with a "I'm glad you are ok," or "I swear, I did not start this, I told them you were fine." And I got an especially funny one from RHM that said, "OMG, I'm sorry, I told them that you disappear like this all the time but no one would believe me!! Have fun in fantasy land!!"
I do, disappear like this, all the time, I sometimes just have to get away from everyone. RHM and FN are use to it... ID is a dumbass about it.
NG immediately dumped me because I was obviously having sex with ABNB and everyone else went to bed.

I was missing a total of 2 hours, but in those two hours they decided that it was time to call the cops. Since I have an ex-boyfriend who is a cop for the West Lafayette department, when it came across the scanner to look out for a woman aged 24 named Quietlysippingwine, he immediately took it seriously. My mom then called me at 3:10AM in a panic that I was dead and she was talking to me through another plane of existence.
The next morning ABNB called me and asked why his parents were woken at 3AM with a cop looking for me. The cop actually asked them if I was kidnapped by ABNB. I went to the football game later and had to formally apologize to Mr. and Mrs. AB about the panic that ensued at their house after believing their son was in jail for kidnapping a 24 year old high schooler (because thats how I feel, like I'm in high school, wait, no, my parents were not even this crazy when I was late for curfew, but ID is!).
ABNB made the situation worse without knowing it.
Apparently when everyone figured out that ABNB was the last person I saw, they tried calling his cell phone. When he dropped me off he warned me not to go out again, because his phone was almost dead and it probably wouldn't last much longer. There was no way he'd be able to know if I needed picking up again. ABNB decided that just in case I did need help that he wouldn't go home, he'd stay at a nearby friend's house.
His phone died, and he went to sleep.
Not. Helping. Me.

I think the only thing I feel bad about is NG.
I wasn't really upset when he said things were over, and I think he deserved more than that.
I just didn't care.
He was accusing me of cheating on him with ABNB and calling the cops on his 24 year old girlfriend. That topped with everything else that I was upset with him about I just kind of said, "Fuck it, you're right," and hung up the phone after he said "We're over."

I. Had. Just. Had. It.

The Bitching Post

There are a few things that NG has explained to me that he's upset with me on...

1.) I go out on the weekdays sometimes, obviously making me an alcoholic.

2.) I complain that I never get to see NG, but then when he makes the time for me, I want to leave soon after.

3.) NG feels he constantly has to come up with a plan of action for when we do hang out and he'd rather I come up with something.

Those are valid things to be upset on. I tried to argue back that

1.) I usually have at most two beers, there are exceptions, but most of the time its one or two beers and socializing with friends.

2.) He makes time for me between the hours of 7 and 9, and at 9 he goes to sleep, leaving me sitting there on a saturday night at 9pm with a sleeping boyfriend who can't even sleep with the TV on. Wouldn't you want to go home too?

3.)I have no idea how he came up with this one, normally, after exhausting 25 options, he tells me what he wants to do, and thats what we do.

This week:

Monday - briefly talked to NG when he called to tell me he had planned his vacation to Mexico and had purchased plane tickets. Since his buddy is low on cash, he bought his plane tickets as well.

Tuesday - I called NG at 10AM to ask him if he'd go to see "The Godfather" with me at the local movie theatre (its a completely restored theatre about a block away from my apartment and they decided every tuesday to play old movies). I know NG loves the movie, and I thought it would be a nice date option. He said ok. Great. I had a date. Around 5PM he called me and told me that he didn't understand why I wanted to sit in a movie theatre to watch that movie when we could easily rent it. I told him that we didn't have to go if he really didn't want too. He told me he really didn't want too, then asked what we were going to do instead. I told him I didn't have any ideas, he got frustrated, got off the phone and later called me back to ask if I had thought of anything. I told him "no" and I didn't see him the rest of the night.

Wednesday - I had to pick up performers for "The Anoushka Shankar Project" at the airport for my office. I got a text message before I left from NG. "What are you up too hun?" it said. I told him "Driving to Indy airport." I got no response. I hadn't told him I was going to Indy. He had no idea what was going on. Still, no questions about it. On my way back from the airport I got a message saying, "I miss you babe." My eyebrows went up and a look of shock spread across my face and one of the passengers commented on my look. NG has never once told me he loves me or misses me. So to be so bold as to say that over text messaging was shocking. This sounds horrible, but I played it off as a joke. "Oh, babe, I miss you too, but I promise I wouldn't leave the country without telling you first!" He responded in text form and said he'd like to see me tomorrow. I told him I'd be around.

Thursday - I woke up early and realized that I had told NG I'd see him and I had a show that evening. I quickly text messaged him and told him that I had a show, but I had an extra ticket for him if he'd like to come with me and we could do something afterwards together. I got no response all day.

All day.

At 4:30PM, I was feeling pretty hurt. I knew that even if NG had worked the early shift and left his phone at home, I sent the text message early enough that he wouldn't have left for work yet. Besides now it was 4:30PM and if he had missed it, and left his phone at home, he'd be home by now and could get the text message. Nothing.

Mr. Lust called me when I was really wondering what I was doing with NG.

I had been ignoring his phone calls. I picked this one up. He asked if he could take me out to eat. I told him yes. He was surprised. So was I. I told him I had to be done eating by 6:45 because I had the "The Anoushka Shankar Project" at 7:30pm. I told him I had an extra ticket. He asked if he could go. I said yes.

He took me out for sushi.

Sushi.

I adore sushi.

NG hates it.

He talked to me about his travels in Korea and China when we ate dinner. I told him of my travels throughout Europe. NG hasn't even been to Mexico yet.

Then Mr. Lust came with me to watch contemporary Indian classical music.

He drove me home, and then went home himself.

It was about 10:30 when I got home.

ID was in my room, when I got home and I kicked him out and then picked up my phone (which I had left in my room). One text message from NG asking at 8pm if I was home yet.

I sat down on my bed, really frustrated. I was almost in tears. Its a weird feeling to be respected and wanted by one man, and ignored and shoved aside by another.

I was sitting there, starting to feel pretty upset at my situation when ID staggered back into my room. "Can I bum a cigarette?" He slurred at me. I went over to my purse to find one when he contiuned with "Yea, NG bummed the last of my cigarettes when he and I went out to the bars. Shit, we were so drunk when we left."

I went cold.

I looked at ID.

It must have been one hell of a look because even at his drunk state, ID immediately said, "whats wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, "I'm going out with you though."

ID and I sat in silence smoking.

ID was afraid of me.

I couldn't blame him, I was one step away from becoming Baby Jane, in "Whatever happened to Baby Jane?"

ID smoked quickly and went inside.

I stayed outside. Trying to decide what my next action would be.

My phone started ringing.

It was NG.

I picked up the phone to a very drunk man asking me how the show was. He talked about Mexico and about how much fun he was going to have. Then asked me why I wasn't talking much. I told him I was tired and got off the phone.

Tell me, what would you do if you were me?

Candy thoughts

Do you ever walk into a convenient store and see candy from your high school days and think, "Oh my gosh, I haven't had one of these in so long!" and then you buy said candy?

Do you leave the store and eat the candy only to think to yourself, "My God, I feel as if I'm getting a cavity just by eating this, my kids are never going to eat this!" but still somehow manage to eat the rest of the candy anyway?

Do you immediate realize that deep down you will probably let your kids eat the candy because even though they aren't even in the thought process yet and your biological clock isn't going off, they are your future kids and you want to make your future kids happy, consequently, if they want some candy that you enjoyed at their age why wouldn't they be allowed the same privilege?

Do you then wonder, if you are thinking of your future kids then maybe you are lying to yourself about the whole biological clock not going off, and then immediately wonder if thats the case then maybe you are sabotaging a good relationship because you don't foresee yourself having kids with that person and your personality is subliminally trying to break you away from the older kid that you are currently dating that has a habit of driving drunk and being judgmental towards you?

Do you immediately thank your subconscious and wonder if you should give it a name, then think "Wow, that's so much like having a kid that maybe my biological clock has been going off for awhile and I've just been hitting the snooze button?"

Do you look down at the candy wrapper in your hand and think, "Wow, candy to the snooze button on the biological clock," then wonder if you might be a little crazy?

After all that is thought, do you decide to hit the snooze button again by going out and being wild that evening?

If so, then you and I should be friends.

The game of Life.

I'm at a loss on what to do.
Lost.
Lost.
Lost.
While I say I'm "happy" with this man...

... technically I'm not.

Sure, he's sweet and caring, and when I call him, he answers or immediately calls me back. He calls just to talk, and recently he's even been willing to spend the night at my place.
There is just no sex.
None.
Nadda.
We've gotten close.
So close that I managed to get a hickie from it.
Just nothing.
No, horizontal mambo.
No, "Take me now."
Nothing.
4 weeks its been like this.
4 weeks where many nights I've laid beside this man and not had sex.

Then...
there is my lusting object.
(why is there a slight sneer in this picture ? IDK, but he's in China when this was taken)
Who would love to have sex with me.
I know, because he got so bold as to say so.
I've had to stop talking to him.
He's way too big of a temptation.
He's ripped too.
I think he could throw me on a wall and have his way with me and not even feel exhausted afterwards.
Animal Lust.
The last time I hung out with him (2 weeks ago) I was at a football game.
His parents were there.
His mom came up to me at some point and asked how long we had been dating.
He told her we weren't.
She rolled her eyes at us and said, "You two are like dogs in heat for each other."

A mom said that.
That's when I knew it was too obvious.

So... what do I do?
I know what I SHOULD do.
Never fun though.
I know what I WANT to do.
Probably not a good idea.

I wish life was simpler.

My weekend.

FN and I went tail gating. FN first went to Breakfast Club* as a referee which is why he's wearing that shirt. This is us after I woke up and he finished with Breakfast Club... I'm guessing the time was around 9:15AM.
We are at a BW3's Tailgate Party.

After the Notre Dame/Purdue game, I went with NG to his relatives' post game party. There I had a margarita and relaxed a bit before leaving with NG to watch Knocked up at his place. After that movie, I got in a nice fight with NG and then went home and shut myself in my room even though there were people there that I knew that ID had invited over.

Sunday was a good day.
My next door neighbor and I decided that even though we rent from a house that has six apartments in it, it was our duty to make the yard look good (one of the apartments has a lady on house arrest, one has an old man who refuses to talk to anyone, one is empty currently, and the other has a guy who only works 3rd shift so we never see him).
After raking it, we were standing there looking at the front garden, which after 3 years of ID parties, and neglect, looked horrible.

The green stuff is weeds. There were no flowers.
The yellow marks all the cigarette butts, 17 packs worth (340 cigarette butts)!
The olive color round things are bottle caps, 49 bottle caps from all types of beer.
The red foot prints are the nails we found. Not hammer and nails, human nails. We joked nervously that if we dug enough we'd find a body. No one dug much lower than a foot.


Look at this! We have a garden! It only has mums but wow! And look, it actually has a back part with cement! That was a surprise when we shoveled off 3 inches of dirt and found a block of cement! I need to stop using exclamation points! It took two hours to turn this little garden into something that looks decent.

After I was done, I text messaged NG to tell him I had created a garden. He told me he was on his way over. He arrived and was very quiet at first. Until the rest of the people left to go eat somewhere. Then he started joking with me, and flirting. He asked me if I wanted to do something. I suggested we watch a movie. So we settled down in my room to watch a movie. ID came home after awhile, and then went straight to his room. Around 10:30pm, NG yawned and said, "If I rolled over right now, I'd be out like a light." I laughed and told him he should.
To my surprise he did.
NG has never, ever, spent the night at my apartment.

Last night was a first for that.

*Breakfast Club - not to be confused with the 1980 classic The Breakfast Club. This club consists of students rising at 6:30AM on a Saturday morning to get dressed up in costume to go and get completely shit faced before going to the home football game here at Purdue.
Here is a picture. Ironically, it shows Breakfast Club and where my former boyfriend lives. Ha!