In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.

Last night Matt went to a Pacers game, and I stayed in to study for an exam.

He got home around 11:30, and so did I (i was doing laundry too).

He told me about what fun he had, and how worked sucked today and yadda yadda.
I listened and then curled up to fall asleep.
Suddenly he said, "Oh yea, the reason why I was hesitant for you to meet my dad was because he was worried on Thursday that he might loose his job. He found out on Friday that he was actually getting a promotion, so that's when I called you. I just didn't want him to have to be friendly if he wasn't in the mood too."

I didn't know whether or not to smack him or not.

"Why didn't you just say something?" I asked, trying not to sound mad.
He just shrugged his shoulders.

"ARGHHEAH#(*$(&# ADFJK(@$#&*_)@$*(" was what I was thinking.
Indifference was what I tried to display on my face.
Although... it wouldn't have mattered because his back was already turned by the time his shoulders came down from the shrug.

Is it really that hard to open your mouth if you have a penis?
I know "talking" about feelings is some form of medieval torture for men, but come on... is giving a girl a "heads up" really that hard?
Even if he had just said, "Hey, my dad is in a really bad mood this week, and I'd rather you meet him when he's relaxed and happy, so lets wait for a better time..." I would have been 110 % A. O. K. with that excuse.

SOOOOOO.... frustrating.
Tonight I'm sleeping alone.

Documentary Kick...

Continuing our documentary kick, Matt and I watched Grizzly Man.

This man is insane.

The best scene (for me) was when a grizzly bear walked up to Timmy (the man in the title) and tried to head butt him. He pushed back with both of his hands and said "Don't you do that! Bad Bear!" and then the bear turned to go (which was amazing enough) and he said, "Don't go! I love you, I love you! Don't go away!"

Craziness.

You would have to watch the movie to see the true extent that this man (who died from a grizzly bear) would go to be with this animal. Matt and I sat for most of the movie saying things like "WTF?" and "Holy HELL!" He truely was one of a kind.

I recommend this one to any one.

Mushaboom, mushaboom

You should hear the song.

My life feels like this song right now. I'm a girl riding a horse down an empty highway with my friends and family following me dancing.

I guess that's not a good analogy.

I have problems in my life.
Everyone does.
I'm not saying I'm carefree and without strife.
I don't have a dog.
I don't have kids.
I don't have a husband.
I have a cat.
I have a boyfriend.
I have friends.
I have a job.
In general, I'm very happy and I have little in life that depends on me.

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done oh

*****************************

Last night Matt and I watched Jesus Camp.
He's one of the only people I'll watch a documentary with. One, because sometimes I really like them and I want to listen to them like Murderball, and two, sometimes I want to make fun of them and laugh at them like American Movie. With most people it seems to be one or the other, with Matt, he seems to be on the same wavelength with me on them....
ANYWAYS back to Jesus Camp...
One of the creepiest movies I've ever seen.
I'm telling everyone they should watch it.
I'm pretty sure the same methods in this movie were used to brainwash kids into becoming Hitler's youth.
In the very beginning, it popped up in text with So-and-so Pentecostal church...
I immediately said, "Oh geez, they are totally going to show little kids believing that they can talk in tongues and then they'll fall down shaking because the holy spirit has taken over them.

Matt cracked up for 5 minutes about how funny that was.
I didn't say anything.

10 minutes after he had stopped laughing and 15 minutes after I had made the statement, a little kid was shown talking in tongues and crying.
He grew still.
3 minutes after that, they showed another kid falling down shaking.

Matt turned to me wided-eyed... and I raised an eye brow.
He whistled slowly, and said, "Jesus Christ."
"Oh no... not you too." I said, with a smirk.

Irish cop = don't talk much

Friday:
Get up at 7 am
Go to class at 8:30 am
Go to work at Noon.
Work till 5 pm.
At 5 I went and argued with my landlord.
Came back to my apartment.
Took a shower.
Started calling people to see what was going on tonight.
Matt calls me.
Asked me to come and have some drinks with him and his parents.

I was shocked when he called, and even more shocked when he told me why. I gave him only a slightly hard time. And agreed to meet him and his parents at a local Irish pub. When I got there I said hello to his mom, and shook his dad's hand. We sat down ordered drinks and talked about the music that was going to play that night.
You know what was odd?
They didn't ask any questions about me.
No, "So what do your parents do? Where are you from? What is your major? How long have you been here? WHAT is your favorite color?"
Nothing.
It was the oddest thing.
I expected the dad not to say much, dads never do, my dad doesn't, my friend's dad don't... I wasn't expecting much.
His mom didn't either.
And then I came to the realization that Matt... Mr. I don't talk about my personal life to anyone.... Had told them everything about me.
It was the only explanation.
Natural curiosity would have led them to ask even the simplest of questions.
My suspicions were only confirmed when his mom leaned over to me towards the end of the evening and said "So Matt tells me that your mom is a school teacher."

He even told them about my parents apparently.

I feel sort of dumb and irrational now.

Sad Panda

So Matt's parents are in town last night and tonight.

He invited them and gave them tickets that I had given him.

He got very excited they were coming.

When I asked if I was hanging out with them at some point, even if it is only to meet his Dad (which i haven't met yet), he said, "No."

No other excuse.

Just no.

I tried not to let it get to me.

But my female-hormones won over me, and after about 2 hours off the topic I blurted out, "Why do you not want me to hang out with your parents?"

He said, "Because I never get any alone time with them, and I'm really looking forward to this."

I tried to be rational.

Ok, he has two sisters, and another brother. His brother lives with his parents, one of his sisters is getting married this summer so she gets a lot of attention, and the other sister has had the first and only two grandkids so she gets a lot of attention. Plus, those three live in the Chicagoland area, and he doesn't.

I guess my irrational side won out, and I found myself thinking thoughts like, "I only want to meet him... Is 30 minutes is really going to hinder his 'alone' time?"

Against rationale, I pushed the subject forward.

"I just want to meet him," I said, "Not spend all evening with you guys."

He made some joke about how first he'll introduce me to his father and then I'll be making wedding plans.

Very uncharacteristic of him to say such a thing, and completely uncharacteristic of me to actually do those things.

I just said, "What type of a girl do you think I am?!"

He laughed and said he was joking.

I only believed that partly.

So now I'm shunned away from his personal life with his parents.

I feel like I suddenly I'm at square one with him, and before I felt like things were perfect.

Grow a pair...

Of all the fish tanks and fish lovers in this world...

Matt's tank would be the only one to grow a pair.

The corral looked enough like a penis and balls, but when the algae took hold and grew two perfect round balls underneath the phallic-like corral, it was all too unreal.

I swear this picture is not photoshoped.

Fried Chicken and Crock pots

Last night, Matt and I went to Target, he wandered up and down the aisles buying things like a crock pot, a shower cleaner, a clay chinese figurine of a dragon crunching down on a coin, and while we were doing this, he decided that it would be a good night to get fried chicken to eat while watching a movie.
The trip was fine by me, I only freaked out once when we started looking at dishes together, because in that aisle "Club Wedd" signs were stuck every 15 inches. That, and on top of it he was talking about when his parents were coming down next weekend what we would cook for them.
"We," "parents," "Club Wedd," and "next weekend," were all words that were making me light-headed. I chose to walk down the next aisle and I silently asked myself what was wrong with me. I never did this with EX. Then it struck me, EX's parents lived in India. I never had to meet them. I dated that man for two years and never once had to deal with the weekend visits, or the food cooking, or the general scariness of it all. I quickly ran through my other serious relationships, nope, all but one I had dumped before ever getting to the stage of meeting parents. The one I didn't dump was the man who had a kid in the next town, so it wasn't likely that I would have met his parents anyway.
Holy crap.
I'm 24 years old and I've never had to deal with meeting parents.
No wonder I'm fucked up.
After my self-help therapy session, I realized it was time for me to bite the bullet and grow up.
I walked back around the corner, and told him I had found the crock pots.
"Where did you go?" he asked.
I quickly explained how I had momentarily freaked out so I left him to go find the crock pots.
He gave me a funny look, but didn't say anything.
Maybe I am too honest.
So we got we came for, went and got fried chicken, and settled into his apartment with that and the movie "The Departed."
That movie is good, but LONG.
It was almost 1:30am before we finished it.
I was WIDE awake at that point, much to my disappointment (I had an eight thirty class this morning).
Matt looked sheepishly at me and said, "Can I open my crock pot box now?"
I laughed and asked him why on earth he was asking permission.
"I don't want you freaking out on me..." he said.
"I've grown up since then." I said.
He gave me a look, but gleefully ran over and got his Crock pot.
Sometimes I don't get that man, this weekend he's watched a dog show for an hour with me, played poker with his buddies while smoking a cigar, went to a tupperware party, and then Sunday bought a Crock pot so that we could cook all day without being in the apartment.
He's so random.

Update on my life characters.

In light of the fact that I have now placed pictures up of RHM, Matt, FN, and myself, I feel its best to fill you in on all the rest of my friends located on the left side of the screen.

The List:

Matt - He is currently my boyfriend. For awhile we parted because I feared his lack of commitment and he feared he'd hurt me. I moved onto GH, but after two months with him I sufficated and found Matt again, and long story (too late) short, Matt and I started dating again. I'm basically living with him at this point, and we have maybe one night a week apart.


GuitarHero (GH) - He is currently dating my brother's ex girlfriend (pictured). Although he knows about Matt, Matt doesn't know about him. I mean, Matt knows I dated someone, but when I tried to talk about it, he shut me down and said he didn't want to know. It made things interesting when GH came upto Matt at the Pimp and Ho party and tried to make small talk with him. Matt approached me later and told me, and said, "Who is that douchebag and why does he want to talk to me so badly?" I had no answer for him.

MarriedMan (MM) - This picture shows MM and ID lifting me up over their shoulders to carry me outside to throw. MM is definitely my brother from another mother. He hits me, teases me, goes out of his way to check and fix my car, he makes sure my grades are up and he makes me dinner. This man is awesome and probably the only one more awesome would be his wife.


MarriedWoman (MW) - This picture was taken when Abe graduated with his Masters degree. We decided to go to our favorite pub and celebrate. MW took maybe 290,384 pictures that night, and this was the favorite one of the two of us. She's currently 5 months pregnant and happy and even though I don't get to see her as much now, she is still one of my best friends. You should have seen her at Pimp and Ho talking to Matt about children. I don't know if it was scary that she was talking about kids at a Pimp and Ho party, or the fact that Matt was completely engrossed in what she was saying about them.


The EX - This is my ex-boyfriend who moved away to Seattle, met the love of his life, and proposed to her. After he moved away I was sad, until I realized that I was WAY more happier without him (he was slightly controlling). After this realization friendship came easily and naturely between us. We wouldn't have worked out, but we could have been awesome friends.


My boys (The men who I hang out with every Friday night):

IrishDrinker (ID) - By far my best friend. He has been my backbone for many years now. He trusts me and I trust him. I think he might be the only one I'll really and truely miss when I leave this place. He also keeps making the mistake of screwing RHM whenever he gets really wasted. He regrets it the next day, but he keeps making the same mistake, I don't know what I'm going to do with that boy.


SevenYears (SY) - Oh where do I begin. For awhile I wouldn't even talk to this man. Now we are friends again. A few months from now, we won't be again. I have no idea. He's moving away soon, and I'll be sad, but who knows how long I'll know this man.



NotGay (NG) - He's finally dating again!!! Of course he used a gay man to hook him up, only adding to the massive amounts of teasing we give him for being gay (he's not). That girl he dated fizzled quickly, but it was the attempt that counted. Shortly after that, he had a one night stand with a girl who took his jacket before he left so she would get a call the next day. Beginnings of probably an awful relationship.

RedHotMama (RHM) - She is currently my roommate. I love her to death. I'm angry at her now. She has a habit of driving drunk. I try my best to stop her, but I'm not around her all the time. Valentine's day night she got into a car with her friend (who was drunk) and they were t-boned because they decided to run a red light. Yes, I know it wasn't her fault but I'm still angry about the whole mess. Sigh. At least everyone was ok.


Did I leave anyone out?

Pimp and Ho went off like a bang.
Last year when I threw the party the cops were called on us.
This year, I made every attempt to talk to my neighbors beforehand so this wouldn't happen.
It didn't, but a kid drank so much we had to take him to the hospital...
Seriously, who drinks straight out of a Jack Daniel's bottle?

When that happened, I turned to Matt and said, "I'm too old for this."
He laughed, asked if I wanted everyone out, when I said yes, he turned to ID and said, "Let's do it."
By one a.m. everyone was gone.
It was glorious.
The rest of the evening was spent with Matt, RHM, and ID in Matt's apartment away from my apartment.

And here are pictures, the first time in QSW's history:

QSW being molested by gay boyfriend FN.
FN got smacked for that picture, but the damage was already done.

Matt decided that first picture was leaving him out, so he grabbed me, pushed me aside, and went in to smooch my gay boyfriend.
I was trying to grab him to stop.
FN was encouraging the whole thing.

Matt and RHM the roommate. Matt was trying to look like an idiot in this picture. Why... I have no idea. He just kept saying "I love RHM!" She, thankfully, ignored him.

Since this is the first time I'm putting pictures up... and they all seem to be drunk ones of Matt and myself, I thought I'd put up one from last summer on the Fourth of July, to show that we don't always look like retards.

This weekend is Pimp and Ho.
Wish me luck.
I held this last year,
at my bigger apartment.
We had 80 show up.
This year I'm in a smaller apartment.
and I have 40 confirmed guests
on Facebook,
and another 40 with "maybes."
Honestly... can you not make up your mind?
And yes, that is the actual flyer,
excluding our names and address...bitch.

Euchre this!

If you are born a Hoosier then you'll die playing Euchre.

Euchre is a card game with suits ranging from 9 to Ace.
A suit is called and that is considered trump.

For some reason people from Indiana love this game.
It's also popular in Michigan and some parts of Illinois, but Indiana has some kind of obsession with it.
In fact, my father taught my mother how to play it on their honeymoon (I swear I'm not making this up). She said she wasn't going to take the time to learn it until they were married. So be it, she had to learn the game on her honeymoon. I love my dad, and he's proud to be a Hoosier.

Back to what I was saying, I love this game, and I play it often online.
Matt has been watching me play it and on Wednesday evening, he asked to learn it.
I was kind of surprised. Matt has his things that he does, and I have my things. He spends hours on Reef Central's website, and I spend hours playing Euchre, many nights we've sat in the same room not talking to each other, doing these things.

So Wednesday, I logged him in, and showed him how to play.
At first he was frustrated, because until you learn how the cards are set, you don't know what to call or what to pass, but after he got the hang of it I realized I created a monster.
I passed out at 12:30... at 4am he finally came to bed, and after waking me up, explained to me how many games he had won and how many opponents he had beaten.
It was like a four year old discovering sugar for the first time.

Thursday evening, we started playing together.
He's hilarious and after about an hour of playing I realized he wasn't going to slow down.
I logged off, much to his disappointment, and I started watching TV.
After another 45 minutes, he conceded defeat, and came and sat with me.
An hour after that he decided he was tired, and laid down.
I was still wide awake.
As he rolled over, I turned down the tv, and found my mind wandering.
I opened my laptop and logged into Euchre.
I started playing.
5 minutes into the game, Matt sits up, whirls around, and says "ARE YOU PLAYING EUCHRE?"
I just stared at him like a deer in headlights.
"I thought that was OUR thing," he says.

I think he's more Hoosier than he thinks he is. While I don't hope for him cheering on the Colts anytime soon, I think he appreciates where I come from at least.

Living with a neurotic girlfriend.

I decided I was being neurotic last night after writing the below post.
If Matt wants to get married someday, so what, I know he's not dumb enough to propose now, why am I worrying about it now?

Matt fell asleep last night at 9:30, he's been battling a cold, and the medicine he took knocked him out.
I wrote the post after he fell asleep.
After I finished writing it, I decided it was time for me to leave.
He had asked me to stay when he was falling asleep because he didn't want to worry about me driving home, plus, my cell was dead.
I had agreed.
I am also way to god-damn independent.

As I was putting on my coat, he moved suddenly and rolled to his side.
As he was rolling he said, "I love you when you say that," in his sleep.
He could have been talking about anyone.
It could have been his mom, or another girl, or a unicorn that talks in his dreams, but for some reason I didn't jump to any of those conclusions.
I jumped to the conclusion that he was talking to me in his sleep.

After I realized the conclusion I had jumped too, I started thinking about all the neurotic things I had done to past boyfriends.
I've opened their phones and scrolled through a call list when they weren't around, I've opened e-mails that were theirs, I've asked mutual friends about their past life, I've rummaged around drawers to see if I could find anything.... none of those things I'm proud off, but have done.
I hadn't done anything like that with him.
In fact, I hadn't even thought to do things like that to him.
I've stayed in his apartment many of times when he's been in Chicago, or wherever, and I could have done those things.
I realized how much I trusted him.

I took off my coat. Sat down beside him, and pushed his hair behind his ear.
His slow steady breathing never ceased, and I knew I hadn't wakened him.
And then, much to my surprise (because I honestly detest the movie), the line from Jerry Maguire popped into my head.
And I smiled.
Watching him sleep.
Thinking about the day I ran into him again after the break up.
And yes, he did have me at hello.

QSW: Can you believe that? He was married!
Matt: I've told you I'm married right?
QSW: Not funny.
Matt: What?! I've told you this.
QSW: Matt, I've had not one, but two men become married while either with me, or shortly after dumping me. Not funny.
Matt: Homewrecker.
QSW: I'm leaving. This isn't funny.
Matt: I'm not married!
QSW: Promise?
Matt: I'm not... I'm getting married to you.

And just like that. He said that.
I did what any sensible woman would do.
Hold my tongue, hold my breath, wait until he left the room and called my very best girlfriend.
Only problem?
My phone died before it connected.
So now I get to freak out from too much commitment all by myself.
Maybe I should learn to talk to him.

Superbowl was last night.
Matt was cheering for the Bears in Chicago.
I was here, pretending to cheer for the Bears at first because I was at a Bear-only party, then switching parties and cheering for the Colts.

I will not tell Matt this.

I don't know if you've ever met someone from Chicago. Let me explain.
If you are a Chicagoan, then your city rules all. Screw New York and L.A., Chicago is THE city.
If you aren't from Chicago, then it's a nice city and has lots of stuff to do in it.
I'm not sure where this unbridled passion for a city comes from, but I know New Yorkers, Seattle people (what are they called?), Hoosiers (meaning people from Indiana), and Californians and none have had this sort of passion for their city or state.

Sure, people are proud of where they come from, I understand that, but being a Chicagoan means that I might not have a boyfriend because the Bears lost, and I'm from Indiana.

Never leave a soldier behind.

(while waiting in line at Starbucks)
FN: Man, that Army guy is Hot!
QSW: Yea, I’ll take that Army of One any day...

Over the last few days I've been taking care of Matt. You've read the posts (and if you haven't then they are below) and the stuff I've been doing is very basic and helpful when someone is sick. I haven't gone REALLY out of my way, but I have tried to help him whenever. I've been this way with him for a long time now, and he's always been appreciative and so I always want to do it again for him.

Last night my eye started acting up again. I was in a lot of pain and worried. The last time this happened I had to be rushed to the hospital at 3:30 am.
When this happened with GH, he panicked and rushed around like I was going into labor or something.
So it was interesting to see the difference when it started happening around Matt.
Matt, showing concern but not panicked, started asking me questions.
"When did this start?" "Has this happened before?" "How long ago has it happened?"
I found myself thinking straight.
Upon the last question, I suddenly remembered when I was in high school being diagnosed with a mild case of Blepharitis.
Sitting up straight and clutching my eye, I said, "Oh my god, I bet that's my problem! The doctor said it could come back, and I think it has ten-fold!"
Not knowing what Blepharitis was, Matt said, "Good?"

The doctor, 7 years ago, told me that the best thing I could do was wash the inside of my eye out with baby shampoo. And I remembered having some of it at my apartment.
Getting on my shoes, still clutching my eye, Matt asked me what the hell I was doing.
I told him I was going to walk to my apartment to get baby shampoo and explained why.
He told me to sit down, grabbed my keys which were right in front of me, and said he was going to go.
After a long back-and-forth conversation, I finally convinced him I was going with him no matter what.
We got to my apartment and there was no luck, apparently I didn't have any.
Onto Wal-greens we went.
At this point I was feeling bad for Matt driving me all over creation at 12:15 at night.
We got there, and the moment I walked into the brightly-lit store, my eye started watering and throbbing.
I followed Matt blindly to the section we needed and on my way I said, "Thank you so much for doing this."
We got there and he turned to me, and said "QSW, this is part of the commitment I made to you, the good and the bad, stop thanking me, you've done more for me."
If I hadn't been in pain I probably would have laughed at his "Don't-leave-a-soldier-behind" attitude towards the situation. He marched me quickly in and out of Wal-Greens.

Upon walking into the apartment he immediately started running water in the bathroom. I walked into the bathroom with the shampoo, and he left, only to return with a washcloth.
"Clean your eyes." It was half an order, half a request.
He walked into the other room and I cleaned my eyes, and immediately I could feel the pain go away.
I walked out smiling and sat in his lap and said, "It worked!!"
He looked positively relieved.
"Well I haven't seen you smile in 6 hours, so I'm glad you are feeling better." he said smiling.

Relief didn't last long on his face and just like that, he went back to gruff commander of his army of one.

Luckily, I quickly hid the smile the crept across my face before he could see it.

Wednesday night of fun.

Ingredients:
1 Thursday with classes beginning at 3:30pm
1 bottle of pinot nior
1 bottle of captain morgan
2 movies (Lock,Stock and two smoking barrels and Thank you for smoking)
14 bags of groceries

My man is a Captain man. He's a man's man.
I'm more refined and womanly so I'm the wine drinker.
We both have the same taste in movies so there are never any fights over what to get.

Matt has never been around me when I'm drinking wine. I usually don't order it at the bars because
A.) I'm picky and
B.) they are mostly college bars which wine would not be appropriate at
But last night I wanted to drink wine, it had been a long time.
Matt thought I was crazy because not once in my entire year with him have I ever decided on that as my choice of beverage, when he's around anyway.

After a half of bottle of wine, I was not only happy drunk, but I was ...well... for lack of better words... horny.
The first movie ended, and I threw Matt back, ripped off his clothes and had my way with him like a man would his first hooker.
Wine makes me completely free of worries and inhibitions.
I rolled off of him, and fell back against the pillows happy.
There was a pause, and then he rolled over on top of me, looked at me seriously, and said, "Can I buy that stuff by the case?"