Living with a neurotic girlfriend.
I decided I was being neurotic last night after writing the below post.
If Matt wants to get married someday, so what, I know he's not dumb enough to propose now, why am I worrying about it now?
Matt fell asleep last night at 9:30, he's been battling a cold, and the medicine he took knocked him out.
I wrote the post after he fell asleep.
After I finished writing it, I decided it was time for me to leave.
He had asked me to stay when he was falling asleep because he didn't want to worry about me driving home, plus, my cell was dead.
I had agreed.
I am also way to god-damn independent.
As I was putting on my coat, he moved suddenly and rolled to his side.
As he was rolling he said, "I love you when you say that," in his sleep.
He could have been talking about anyone.
It could have been his mom, or another girl, or a unicorn that talks in his dreams, but for some reason I didn't jump to any of those conclusions.
I jumped to the conclusion that he was talking to me in his sleep.
After I realized the conclusion I had jumped too, I started thinking about all the neurotic things I had done to past boyfriends.
I've opened their phones and scrolled through a call list when they weren't around, I've opened e-mails that were theirs, I've asked mutual friends about their past life, I've rummaged around drawers to see if I could find anything.... none of those things I'm proud off, but have done.
I hadn't done anything like that with him.
In fact, I hadn't even thought to do things like that to him.
I've stayed in his apartment many of times when he's been in Chicago, or wherever, and I could have done those things.
I realized how much I trusted him.
I took off my coat. Sat down beside him, and pushed his hair behind his ear.
His slow steady breathing never ceased, and I knew I hadn't wakened him.
And then, much to my surprise (because I honestly detest the movie), the line from Jerry Maguire popped into my head.
And I smiled.
Watching him sleep.
Thinking about the day I ran into him again after the break up.
And yes, he did have me at hello.
If Matt wants to get married someday, so what, I know he's not dumb enough to propose now, why am I worrying about it now?
Matt fell asleep last night at 9:30, he's been battling a cold, and the medicine he took knocked him out.
I wrote the post after he fell asleep.
After I finished writing it, I decided it was time for me to leave.
He had asked me to stay when he was falling asleep because he didn't want to worry about me driving home, plus, my cell was dead.
I had agreed.
I am also way to god-damn independent.
As I was putting on my coat, he moved suddenly and rolled to his side.
As he was rolling he said, "I love you when you say that," in his sleep.
He could have been talking about anyone.
It could have been his mom, or another girl, or a unicorn that talks in his dreams, but for some reason I didn't jump to any of those conclusions.
I jumped to the conclusion that he was talking to me in his sleep.
After I realized the conclusion I had jumped too, I started thinking about all the neurotic things I had done to past boyfriends.
I've opened their phones and scrolled through a call list when they weren't around, I've opened e-mails that were theirs, I've asked mutual friends about their past life, I've rummaged around drawers to see if I could find anything.... none of those things I'm proud off, but have done.
I hadn't done anything like that with him.
In fact, I hadn't even thought to do things like that to him.
I've stayed in his apartment many of times when he's been in Chicago, or wherever, and I could have done those things.
I realized how much I trusted him.
I took off my coat. Sat down beside him, and pushed his hair behind his ear.
His slow steady breathing never ceased, and I knew I hadn't wakened him.
And then, much to my surprise (because I honestly detest the movie), the line from Jerry Maguire popped into my head.
And I smiled.
Watching him sleep.
Thinking about the day I ran into him again after the break up.
And yes, he did have me at hello.
posted by Sipwine at 9:26 AM
3 Comments:
All of us have had our moments...
Yes, we have all had our moments. I tend to go the other way though, too trusting and then am in for a profound shock. There must be a happy medium somewhere...
BC: We do.
Circe: I've been in those shoes too.
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