Ever since...

... Mr. Lust asked me to move in with him.

1. )I've been contacted by Matt - whom I haven't spoken with since last August

2.)I've been contacted by GuitarHero - whom I hadn't spoken with since my friend's funeral

3.)I've been contacted by The Ex (few will remember him, he was at the very beginning of this blog) - and I haven't spoken with him since January of 2005, he's married and with a different job at this point.

Still, within three weeks since Mr. Lust asked me to move in with him, I had all three of my last three serious relationships contact me.

I think God might have the proverbial magnifying glass pointed at me.

Today, Mr. Lust and I woke up at 6:30am by ourselves.
We laid next to each other and talked for a few minutes and then I asked him if he wanted me to make coffee.
He suddenly tensed all over.
I looked over at him to see what the matter was and he was intently staring at the door.
"Someone is in the house," he said.
Before I could say anything, I heard a creak in the stairway outside our bedroom.
"Oh my God," was all I could say, suddenly panicky and very aware that he and I were naked.
There was nothing for a full minute, because Mr. Lust had time to put on his shorts, before his little brother said, "Are you awake?"
Even though the idea of some stranger seeing me naked while trying to rob me was bad, Mr. Lust's little brother seeing me naked was worse.
Mr. Lust looked as if he was going to pound his little brother's face in.
"DEVIN?!?" was what he screamed when he took off for the stairs.
There was some yelling downstairs, and then Mr. Lust stormed back upstairs.
He flung himself down on our bed.
I was completely dressed in jeans and everything, but I laid down next to him.
"I hate my family."
"No you don't."
"Yes, I do. I must have been temporarily insane to give my little brother a key."
"He's 15, I don't think he 'understands' the way relationships work and what you do and don't do when your older brother is in a relationship."
"He could have walked in on us naked."
"I know, trust me, I know."
"You should be madder than what you are."
"No harm no foul?"
Mr. Lust just gave me a look.
"What did he want anyway?"
"He wanted me to go running with him and our dad."
"You didn't want too?"
"Not after that little shit gave me a panic attack, I've got my heart rate up enough now."
"Fair enough."

This marks the first occasion where I was semi-supportive of Mr. Lust's family and not telling him that his little brother is a spoiled brat.

I think I'm growing.

********************
Well I think I hate you...
Isn't this fun...
You're gonna shoot...
And I darling loaded the gun.
I think I'm done...
What train did you step off of anyway?
I really don't care...
I'm the luckiest girl...
Gonna lie with you baby...
'Cause there's nowhere else...
...I can lay

I'm never talking to you again.
I'll go join the marines.
And then I will peacefully sail away with some safe magazines.
Did you hear what I say?
You can't fall down the stairs two times the same way...
And I really don't care...
I'm the luckiest girl...
Gonna tell you I love you...
More than anything else...
...I can see

I love this song.

Lazy Sunday....

My Father's Day Sunday was weird.
It started out as a cookout and water volleyball.
Then I had work.
I was going to change before going to work, but found that I was locked out with no keys.
No idea where my keys are.
I get to work in a bad mood.
It was a wine tasting day.
The owner wanted us to join in.
After an hour of "sipping" wine, I had pink cheeks and I was giggly.
Then ID came in and Magic and St. Pat invited us to a slip and slid party.
Since I was locked out and only had a bathing suit... I thought it was only fate that I go.
They had a ten foot blow up slide in their back yard.
I ended up sliding only once or twice because by the time 10 pm rolled around I was WASTED.
(I had beer at this point too)
I don't remember some of it.
I just remember that Magic was hilarious. My boss/owner of the bar was wearing a speedo.
And ID having a huge red mark down his back from the branch that hit him as he went down the slide.
I also remember saying something to LeggyBlonde that I meant as a nice gesture but in my drunkness I think came across as an asshole remark.
Needless to say, I think I won't get that drunk for a little while.

Remember Matt?

Some of you will remember my 1.5 years of my "Mr. Big relationship" with Matt, where we broke up twice and he was void of all emotions to me. I replaced the emotional void with sex, and we had a weird relationship of me caring, and when I needed reassurance, we would have sex. Needless to say, after awhile our relationship was just sex on his end, and we soon crumbled.

Matt kind of deals with life as it comes. So if I'm not around, he doesn't deal with me. In fact, even though Mr. Big always called Carrie throughout the seasons, Matt, I knew wouldn't. I figured that once he moved to California, that would be the last I ever saw or heard of Matt.

Imagine my surprise when I got an e-mail from him this morning.
It wasn't long, he basically asked me how I was doing and what I was up too because he hadn't talked to me in awhile. Yes, last time we talked was 9 months ago. I basically had a conversation about how I needed to get the last of my stuff before he moved, and I told him about Mr. Lust and he hung up refusing to give me a time when I could come over, and that was that.
I never got my stuff back.

I sat and stared at the e-mail. "What could have prompted this?" I wondered. After a few minutes I noticed the time stamp, 4:16am.
Drunk e-mails.
It made sense because the only time Matt ever showed emotion was when he was three sheets to the wind. In fact the only 2 times he said, "I love you" were both when he was drunk.
What was I thinking dating him?

I Bedazzled his butt.

I just heard a guy say that on the phone.



For some reason lately I have many people coming to my blog, reading all my archives, and settling in to come to my blog once a week.
I really don't mind this, but today I decided to click on my archives.

The feeling I got after reading a post about Matt and myself happy, almost made me want to chuck every archive from December back.
I can't believe how much I was in love with him and how obvious it was that he didn't care about me. Maybe it's because Mr. Lust actually cares, and I wasn't use to caring at the time, but I guess I could ignore the blatant cast off that Matt gave me, regardless.
I was so pathetic.
I know they say that hindsight is 20/20 but I was just stupid.
I guess another phrase would be
"Love is blind."

I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;
For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
To see me thus transformed to a boy. - Shakespeare

The Dream

I was running.
I didn't think I loved him anymore. I was running for that reason.
I slowed down after a minute... "Where was I running too?"
I realized I had no idea to my whereabouts and the answer to that question.
After another minute of walking and what’s when a sleek black car pulled up next to me.
"Do you need a ride?" offered Mr. Lust.
"Yes, thank you!" I said, and wondered how he knew to pick me up here.
I got in the car and I could tell something was wrong with my friend Mr. Lust.
It had just been like old times, us laughing and talking while we were running together.
Except now, we were in a car, Mr. Lust was obviously driving me somewhere and there was a tension in his face.
"Brian has something for you, and it’s in the glove compartment box," he said, obviously not wanting to talk about it.
Confused, I opened the box and found another black velvet box inside; I opened it and saw the most hideous ring ever.
It was gold (I hate gold) and had green leaves around a yellow diamond.
"Yuck," I said, realizing that I had been running from Brian because he wouldn't commit to me after 3 long years together.
"Is he proposing to me?" I asked astonished.
"It would look like it," Mr. Lust said not looking at me, but out the window.
"Why didn't he do it himself," I asked, looking down at the hideous ring.
"I don't know," Mr. Lust said, looking directly at me.
We drove awhile longer, and suddenly Mr. Lust pulled over.
Without saying anything, I threw my arms around him.
He responded and after while, we were both sitting in the backseat panting.
"I guess I'm going to have to say 'No' to Brian's proposal" I said laughing.
"Yea, about that," he said, his face tightening again, "Brian is waiting for you at the church, your wedding is today."
I sat, in shock, for two minutes.
My college friend Annette knocked on the window breaking me from my shocked state.
Luckily the windows were tinted and I quickly got on all my clothes.
I got out of the car and she was dressed in a hideous dress.
"I'm your maid-of-honor!" she said way to excited for Annette, "Your dress is waiting for you at the church but I saw you guys parked up here so I thought maybe you were having last second reservations."
"My dress?" was all I could say.
Annette hoped into the back seat and I into shotgun next to Mr. Lust who looked even more upset.
I walked into the church and there was everyone I knew.
My mom and dad hugged me.
My cousins congratulated me.
My grandparents were crying.

It was overwhelming.

I left the area and ran into Magic and LeggyBlonde who both congratulated me but looked confused on what I was doing. "Where is your ring?" LeggyBlonde asked.
I realized at that point I hadn't even bothered to put it on, but I had managed to hop in the back seat with Mr. Lust.
"I need air" and excused myself from them.
I stood, staring at the wall, at one of the back tables in the church.
A man walked up to me and said, "Jeez, it was a long time getting here! This place is hard to find." I didn't even look at the man who was standing next to me.
"Are you ok?" he asked, concern in his voice.
I turned and found that Dave Foley was the one who couldn't find the church.
"I'm ok," shocked now because I was getting married and Dave Foley was at my wedding.
Dave Foley must have realized I wasn't expecting him because he said, "I'm a long-time friend of Brian's."
"Oh. He didn't mention it," I said, numb, "Where is he?"
"Probably at the front of the church," he said slightly amused by me.
I turned, walked to my parent's table, told them I couldn't go through with it, and went to find Brian.
When I finally saw him, he smiled, waved and disappeared again.
At that moment I saw my bridesmaids, they were all dressed in hideous purple and black gowns, they were all people I didn't know, and they were all African American.
I looked over at Annette, the only white girl, and dressed in a hideous pink and neon green gown and mouthed the words "No way."
I lost it.
I screamed, "I CANNOT DO THIS!!" turned, ran out of the building, crying and right into the arms of Mr. Lust.
"You want me to drive?" he asked.
"Yes, " I choked out before sobbing some more.
I chucked the ring at Brian before we officially peeled out.
"I think I love you Mr. Lust," I said.
"I know I love you QSW," he said.
"You're always trying to one-up me aren't you?" I said smiling.

I woke up, grabbed the water bottle off the table, finished it, turned to Mr. Lust who looked concerned.
"You were tossing and turning in your sleep," he said.
"I'm so glad we aren't married, and I think we need to not watch The Graduate for a long time," I said before laying back down and curling up with him.

"I never know what you are going to say."

In the garden of eden or In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, based on your intoxication level.

Mr. Lust asked me to move in with him, and here is our garden(s).

Mr. Lust doesn't know how awesome black raspberries are, but thankfully he let me keep the patch that the previous owners started.

Veggie garden!

6 different kinds of peppers, then a basil plant, then cucumber plants.

One end of the rope (you can barely see it in this picture) has Kentucky peas, and the other end has Sugar Peas... Kentucky Sugar peas when they finally grow together.

You know... that line "you say tomato and I say tomato"... doesn't work written.

Butterfly Garden... if you want to know a plant, you'll have to ask, I have a book started so I remember all the names.

Those little things near the base of the pole are Cypress Vines that I started from seed. Surrounded by Cypress Mulch... which I didn't realized until typing this. Cypress is the new Oak.

Pretty roses in the back, butterfly bush in the front, red flower thingys in the middle.

People Watching #1

I don't know if its because summer is finally here or if more people are walking because of gas prices or what, but for some reason I've noticed more people outside than before. Which leads to seeing very interesting characters. Which leads to this post series (How many post series have I started and never followed through on? I think only God knows.)

I was standing waiting on the bus to take me to work. There was a girl I had never seen before standing next to me with her headphones on. She had on huge, plastic, pink sunglasses and she was gently tapping her foot to the beat in her ears. She had on Chuck Taylor shoes, corduroy pants and a meant-to-be-faded t-shirt. She looked like she had just finished with the 1960s and was on her way to the 70's.
Good decade to be in.
Even though I had just glanced at her and I knew I wasn't staring, she took the glance as enough to talk to me, so she said, "Oh shit, the bus is late again."
I had never seen her at this bus stop, so I was surprised to hear that she knew that the 11:50 bus always came at 11:55. "Do you ride this bus often?" I asked, curious. "When the mood strikes me," she said with a lazy smile.

"When the mood strikes me" what an awesome phrase. She was one of those people that you couldn't help but smile back at.

We sat in silence for another 4 minutes until we saw that the bus was about to arrive. As I watched, she went from facing the street to turning on her left heel, placing her right foot near the curb, dramatically shifting all her weight to the right foot while raising her hand. When the bus got a little closer the hand that was raised (almost as if waiting for a teacher to call on her), flicked out a peace sign. The peace sign was held until the bus driver turned on his blinking lights showing he was stopping. After the peace sign fell and she turned towards me. "After you," she said bowing a little and putting an open palm towards the bus. "Oh, by all means," I said making the same gesture with my palm.
She accepted the offer to go first and I got on the bus wondering how one person without saying much, could draw me in so much that I imitated her gestures without even realizing it.

That's what you call a magnetic personality.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!

These are a few of my favorite things...

My favorite thing to do with my significant other is to sit on his couch and watch him play Xbox.
I pull up the walkthrough and he plays the game.
When he gets stuck I figure out what he needs to do with the walkthrough.
He drinks beer and I drink wine.
We play until 12 am and then we both go to bed.
He pauses the game every once in awhile to kiss me.
I grip his arm every once in awhile when he gets attacked.
We just finished "The Darkness" and we are currently playing "Bioshock."

What do you do with your significant other that you think is different?

I really am curious how other couples spend their week nights or weekends together.

The Weirdos come out on Sunday.

Or Blog title # 2, The Holy Day is also known as the Horny Day.
Or Blog title # 3, Look asshole, if you stare at me another second I'm getting out the Everclear, spraying it on you, lighting a match, setting you on fire, and hiding the fire extinguisher.

For some reason, whenever I work bar on a Sunday, I have weirdos that come out to say "HI" in a big way. The first time, I had some homeless guy bring in his methed-out girlfriend and was acting odd around everyone. Second time, I had some weird guy hitting on me telling me I should model and then kept asking for "chocolate malt" and when I said we didn't have it, he got upset. The third time, was today when I was bartending.

He started out by sitting down and closing his eyes.
When I asked him what he wanted to drink he told me "beer."
When I asked if he wanted a menu, he said no.

In a even weirder scenario, before he could order a "beer" the girl sitting next to him at the bar gave him her beer. She didn't like it and told him that he could have it.
He accepted and she and her friends left.
More cleared out of the bar.
I found him staring at LeggyBlonde and myself more than I liked.
It was to the point of being uncomfortable.
Not glances.
Not long paused looks.
STARING.
I thought he might be using telekinesis to take off all my clothes he was starting so hard.

Then LB was finishing up her shift when B-rad, his girlfriend, and Magic came in.
They sat at a table next to the bar and LB joined them.
The bar was slow and I was feeling uncomfortable being alone with the staring master so I sat down next to LB for a bit.
The guy turned around in his seat, faced our table and continued to stare.

How comfortable.
LB, Magic, and I on one side being stared at,
B-rad and his girlfriend on the other side, backs to him, oblivious to what is going on.
LB turns to me, "QSW, this guy is really creepy."
I turn to LB, "I really think we should say something."
Magic, not hearing our conversation, "Dude, do you have a problem or something? You are making these girls really uncomfortable."
Me to LB in a hushed tone, "Your boyfriend kicks ass."
Guy who was staring, yelling, "What is your problem!? I wasn't staring! I WAS JUST LOOKING AROUND."
Magic: "Ok, dude, whatever, just stop looking in this direction and everything is cool."
Guy: "I am a deeply religious man and I would never make anyone feel uncomfortable on purpose."
(I bet he's had this same problem before because he had a speech ready when someone finally said something to him.)
Guy: "These ladies don't seem to be uncomfortable."
LB & I: "Yes we are."

That seemed to agitate him even more. He started to get up and realized he still had a beer, so he turned back still muttering something about religion and finished off most of his beer.

Guy: (turning back to us) "I wasn't staring at all, it seems you are the one who has an insecurity issue! I didn't say anything, you are the one that has to point it out."
Magic: "Ok..."
Guy: (getting up) "I'm never coming back in here, you guys don't deserve my business. (more muttering, as he walks out)

Wow.
Such a horrible guy.
Why do they always appear on Sunday?

I hate selfish people.

Everyone gets a little selfish at times.
We are all human.
You know, taking that last piece of cake without asking.
Waiting to pay someone you owe money too, few days more than you should.
Not calling a friend back because you are "tired" or just don't want to hear your friend tell you for the fifth time that she misses her ex-boyfriend.

Those are all acceptable.

When you don't bother to call someone, because you don't care how they feel but you still call them a friend.
That's the kind of selfish people I hate.