Episode Three: Random Randomness

8pm: FN and I are off to jump his car.
FN is scared of cars.
I'm not joking.
He was expecting me to jump his car.
I had idea, but I wasn't sure.
It didn't help that FN and I ate dinner watching a CSI episode about a car exploding when a girl popped the hood of her car.
So, the first task was getting my car hood open...
FN was standing 30 feet away from my car, in the middle of the street, so that a car could hit him, but my car wouldn't explode on him when I popped the hood.
I was in the car, and I now had Alanis Morrisette blaring from my speakers because FN said it was "good luck" because that was the first thing he had ever stolen.
Don't ask me, I don't know.
Popping my hood went off without a hitch.
I swear we've had no booze at this point.

After that obstacle was complete, hooking one battery to another was the next step.
FN sat with his owner manual in his lap for a bit before I decided to call ID.
ID didn't answer.
I called NG, even though I had told myself I wasn't going to call until the end of the week.
No answer anyway.
After a few arguments with FN, I decided to just do it.
And it worked again without exploding the car.
I stood there watching both cars running, hooked up to each other.
I decided to go get a glass of wine and call ID to leave him a message.
I stood there with a glass in my hand, FN 20 feet away(out of the road at least), in case there was a time-release bomb in my car, and I left ID the following message:
"ID, I would like you to know that I have just successfully jumped FN's car, all by myself, and trust me, I was all by myself on this. On top of that, I did it without the help of the owners manual. I feel like I deserve a honorary pair of balls for messing with a car and not reading directions."
Click.

I continued to stand there and quietly sip my wine, while FN kept telling me to stand away from it. We must have been a site to see.

9pm: NotGay calls me back.
Me: (picking up the phone and not bothering to say hello first)Sorry NG! I called you because I was trying to find out the proper way to jump a car, and when you didn't answer I didn't leave a message.
Him: Oh ok.
Me: But yea, that was all I needed you for, I didn't mean to bug you.
Him: Not a problem, I just thought I'd call you back.
Me: Ok thanks, I'll talk to you later.
Him: Oh ok, bye.

I think he wanted to talk more. I just didn't. I swear I wasn't trying to be rude, and with FN talking REALLY loudly next to me, I'm sure NG thought that I had to go quickly.

9:30pm: ID calls me back.
Me: (without bothering with a hello again)So, did you get my message?
ID: Yep, I'm so proud of you, I've taught you so well.
Me: (laughing) yep, I learn from the best.
ID: There is beer at my place if you and FN wanna come over (FN was still talking loudly over my phone calls)
Me: Sure we will be right over.

10pm:FN and I arrive at ID's and find that Amanda (ID's old roommate) is there as well. Amanda went to school with ID and SY and then later switched schools and went to NG's school. She knows them all really well. At first there was a little competition between us on who knew them more, but since I knew them well in college and she knew them well in high school, it turns out there is no competition at all. So we like sharing horrifying stores about the three of them to each other.

Conversation was good, and we started talking about how SY can never get it up when he's drunk. Amanda and I have both known his girlfriends and all of them have verified this. Whiskey Dick is what I've heard it called.

I said, "Oh I know! It's so funny because SY and I .."
Amanda interrupts.
"Oh yea! I guess he did get it up for you that one time! But I mean, look at you, its no wonder he did for you."
My jaw dropped.
"I have NEVER had sex with SY!!"
Amanda and ID looked shocked.
FN started doubling over in laughter.
Amanda started with, "But I thought..."
ID put down his beer.
I said, "No, I'm sorry. SY said something like this when I told him I was dating NG. And I informed him then that I had never had sex with him. The night in question was when we seriously considered dating, yes, but it was also after 10 beers, and 6 or 8 shots of vodka. I could barely stand up, and we ended up laying on his bed and making out, but I promise you, he did not get it up, and I have never seen his penis, let alone, have sex with him! I don't think he even remembers much of that night!"

I remembered it only because SY made a statement to me, before we started making out, he said "QSW, you date the guys you want to date, but I know you. You get your heart broken by them and I'll be here to pick up the pieces, but just so you know, I'll be the last one standing. I'll be the last person you date. Mark my words."

FN was almost in tears laughing.
ID had his eyebrows raised.
Amanda had started laughing as well. Apparently, SY had convinced ID that he had.

Then Amanda said the following... not two seconds later.
"Oh my God. (then trying to switch the subject, after seeing ID's face) Now, if we could just get NotGay to find a girl. I swear. He's proving himself more gay every day that goes by that he refuses to date someone. How long has it been? A year or two since he had a real girlfriend? I'm not counting Brittany either, that was a month long fling, not a girlfriend..."

FN was quite literally on the floor of the porch crying, because he was laughing so hard.
ID had started his Peter Griffin giggle.
Amanda looked lost.
Before I could say anything, FN came up gasping for air and said, "Oh but she has had sex with him!" and then doubled over laughing again.
ID was in his full-fledged Peter Griffin laugh.
Amanda looked at me.
"I've been dating him for the last two months," I said.
"Ohhh, that explains the weird look you gave me when I told you I had a friend that would like to be set up with you.... I guess that also explains why NG kept clenching his jaw repeatedly during that conversation..." she said, thinking out loud.
"yep," I said, and crossed my fingers in hopes that she would catch the hint to drop the subject.
She didn't.
"Oh, so you can totally verify that he isn't gay!" she started.
FN renewed his laughter and started saying in between spurts of laughter, "Not what," "she said," "Saturday night!"
"Yes, FN, He's gay, ok? Happy?" I said in sarcasm.

"Hey! Now, just leave the man alone!"
It was ID that had come to his defense, and it shocked everyone sober.
"I'm surprised you aren't joining in!" I said, "You and SY had a running bet on whether he was gay or not."
"Yes, well, that was before you..." he trailed off.
"Sparked his interests?" I finished for him.
"Yes," and with that, he walked off to get another beer.
FN looked at me and said, "I guess it won't be as bad as you thought living with ID."
"Wait! You are living with ID?!" said Amanda.

Poor girl, I don't think anyone filled her in on last month's gossip.