Episode Four: A rehashing of a tell-tale heart.

ID shoved NG into my front seat, closed the door, tapped my car, and walked off in the opposite direction.
NG. Tried. To. Hold. My. Hand.
When I ignored it, NG said, "Oh, he's leaving the two of us alone."
"I think you should go back and beg your buddy to come back here and protect you, because you really shouldn't be left alone with me," I said, after my third hand-ripping-away moment.
"Wait, why are you mad?" he said.
"WHY AM I MAD?" I said, well, more like yelled.
"ARE YOU REALLY THE TYPICAL BLOND WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON?" I said/yelled.
"Is this about my hand gesture?" he said.
"No, that's the last thing on the list," I said, and then I formulated a list of 9 things I was angry about. 4 of those things were unfair to bring up at that moment.
I told him I'd drop the 4.

"So, is NG no longer with us?" FN said, laughing.
"No, I killed him, but no worries I made it look like an accident," I said, in complete sarcasm.

I was rehashing the tale of my night on Saturday to a very curious FabulouslyNew. I had yet to tell him because Saturday was also the move-in date for Medusa and GH so he had no time to find out the details because he was dealing with them. My Saturday was odd. It consisted of a wild party, drunk text messages, and a big fight with NG. I had left the party to drive everyone home from the bars. NG decided that since it was ID who called me, that ID and I were cheating on him behind his back. He was wasted. I still didn't appreciate it. I also didn't appreciate ID shoving me out the door saying that "NG and I have to talk" and not even allowing me to put in my two cents. I went back to the party, and it was at my second attempt to pick them up that NG was shoved into my car and ID walked away.

Other things happened, but that was the gist.

"Soooooo, how did the fight go?" FN asked in a very gay-like manner.
"Well the ending was horrible," I said, and then I paused for dramatic effect.
"ARE YOU TWO DONE?!" FN looked horrified.
"No, silly, he bruised my cervix," I said and then I took a sip of my coffee.

It took FN a full minute to figure out what I meant by that. I knew it had dawned on him when a slow smile crept onto his face.

"Did he do that out of anger?" he said.
"Um, no, that was after the anger part of the evening," I said.
"Well, it must have been pretty rough sex if there were bruises," FN said thoroughly enjoying the moment.
"No, just 2 hours of it," I said.

(editing required to spare audience details)

"Oh my, so wow, damn, NG just went up to a new hotness level in my book," FN said.
"Yea, mine too," I said, "I'm glad we got all that stuff worked out and he proved to me I was, indeed, hot to him as well."
"It's so...," FN paused for effect, "Animalistic!"
"What?!" I said.
"Well, NG felt that his territory was being intruded on by ID, so the two alpha males battled it out, and finally NG won, so he went off to claim his prize which was mating with the alpha female," he said, "And that would be you in case you are wondering."

Nothing was said for a minute.

"Great," I said, "I have the Discovery Channel love life."
"I'm glad to put it in perspective for you" he said, laughing.

"So what did you do after the basic instinct mating?" FN asked.
"I went back to the party," I said.
"Why?!" FN said.
"Well, it was 1:30am, and I was wide awake, and I had people calling me worried about me because I left the party so suddenly earlier, and NG had pretty much passed out at that point," I said.
"Well if you were not busy at one, why didn't you respond to my text messages at 2am?" he said, rather put out.
"Because Pivo(friend of ours) took my phone and keys and shoved them down her boobs, and I didn't have the energy to chase after her and fish them out," I said. FN paused then said:

"Do you always have to top my comments? I'm the gay man here!"