So I was sitting here watching Blade Runner...

... when I realized that my hair stylist was trying to get my hair to look like Daryl Hannah's hair in the movie. Too bad I didn't have the right eye shadow to go with it.
Who has a name like Daryl?
A crazy-hair, one-eye loving, mermaid... that's who.

Harrison Ford is so hot, even hanging from a steel beam.
Anyway.

Monday night was interesting. I went to the Black Sparrow, sat down, had a drink bought for me by the lovely HG and settled in for a long evening.
That just wasn't the case when NotIndian walked in.
NotIndian and D-Bag.
Regulars at the Black Sparrow.
Friends of the owner.
D-Bag really is known as the "Douchebag" and NotIndian is known as "The guy that no one knows why he hangs around with D-Bag, because he seems nice."

NI and D-Bag ask me to sit with them. Sure, they've always tipped me well, why not? D-Bag starts in on how he wants my friend Amanda. Sure, who doesn't? NI starts telling me how hot I am.
Ok, what?
What was flattering at first turns out to be a drunk NotIndian deciding that he's got the hots for me. "Ok, no big deal, it happens to everyone, I've had the hots for someone who hasn't returned it to me," I thought "I'll let him down nicely."
He told me he loved me a couple more times and that I was the sexiest thing and that he wanted me and right about the time I was going to start saying "Ease off buddy," D-bag comes back to the table and he distracts NI.
I walk away from the table and laughingly tell LeggyBlonde what just happened.
Amanda calls me and asks me what I'm doing. I tell her and she asks me to meet up with her at Knickerbocker. I go back to the table collect my stuff and I leave. And 5 minutes later (as I'm walking there) NotIndian catches up with me.
"Can I hold your hand?"
"No, why?"
"I just want to touch you. You are so beautiful."

I walk inside the Knickerbocker and sit down. He sits across from me.
Oh boy.
I sit for a few minutes chatting with him trying to explain to him that I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend when Amanda walks towards the door. She slows, sees something off to her left, turns, and walks away again.
Moments later D-bag walks in.
Great, Amanda is gone for the night. You'd have to know her as well as I do, to understand that so well, that you don't even bother calling her.
D-bag walks up to the table, and I invite him to sit.
NotIndian asks him to leave.
I invite him to sit.
NotIndian gets up and leaves momentarily.
D-bag looks at me with a "Whats going on?" look.
I shrug and look exasperated.
D-bag goes to the bar (the only time I've regretted him leaving) and NotIndian comes back with drinks.
Shit.
"You know, I tend to make better choices the more drunk I get. In fact, when I feel drunk, I will just turn and run."
"I don't care, you are beautiful."
"How is your girlfriend?"
"Good, I'm on the marriage track with her, but I read somewhere that people can only give you 80% of what you need."
"I don't even want to know where you are getting the other 20%"
"You don't understand human sexuality."
"I don't?"
"No, but you are incredibly sexy," he says almost entirely to my breasts.
(I don't say anything after that, what do I say to that?)
"Tell me something."
"Tell you something?"
"About me."
"You have a girlfriend named Christine and her number is in my phone."
"No, something that you want to do to me."
(I just sat and looked at him, a complete loss of words considering there was nothing I wanted to do to him)
"I just want to put my semen inside of you."
"Excuse me?"
"Are you ovulating?"
"I, really, couldn't tell you." (pure sarcastic reaction, but he took it seriously)
"Are you menstrating?"
"Wow, dude, I hope you understand that I'm not going to sleep with you, ever."
"Don't say that, What if I break up with my girlfriend, even if it's only for a few days? Will you have a threesome with us?"

I drained the rest of my drink, because for some reason, I work in the opposite manner everyone else does. When I'm sober, I make really bad decisions and when I'm drunk I usually make the right decision.
Example: I had already entertained him for 45 minutes sober and apparently he was getting off just by me sitting there (which was the wrong decision), and drunk, I stood up in mid-sentence from him, turned, and walked out the door(which is the right one).
I stood up and on my way out, I asked my roommate (who was there on a date) to come with me. I apologized to his date, who didn't seem to mind leaving, and we left together.
We went back to the Black Sparrow, where I knew people, and who I knew would enjoy the story.
My roommate and date went and sat down at a table and I sat next to Magic and LeggyBlonde. I started to tell them what happened, when Magic got a look on his face and suddenly looked down at his magazine.
"He's here isn't he."
Magic just nodded.
I turned around and sure enough NotIndian was standing there grinning.
G. Damn.
This time he started in on comments which I didn't hear. I was in panic mode.
I knew there was a back door into the alleyway which I saw as my only option. I didn't really want to be followed into the alleyway though, that seemed dangerous.
While NotIndian was momentarily distracted by HG, I leaned over to Magic and asked him to have LeggyBlonde take my purse into the kitchen.
I went back to "talking" to NotIndian.
I excused myself to go to the bathroom and I noticed my purse wasn't on the back of my chair.
I went into the bathroom and stood there for a few moments before turning off the light and peeking outside. NI had his head turned away from me.
I ran for the kitchen.
I felt very "secret agent man" but I also felt there wasn't another option. I didn't know how the owner would react to me ripping off one of NI's balls in the middle of the bar. Especially since NI was a friend of his.
Moments later LB entered with my purse in her hand.
She asked me if I was ok and if I was ok to get out to my car and I told her I was.
Then I left, I walked slowly to the end of the alleyway and then ran to my car.

Tonight (Wednesday) Amanda called me because she wants to go out for drinks.
No thanks. I'm going to sit here and be schooled on understanding Blade Runner with Mr. Lust.

Mr. Lust: Watch this, seriously, QSW.
QSW: Tears in the rain?
Mr. Lust: Babe, you missed the whole thing. (re-winds)
QSW: I still don't understand why he just died.
Mr. Lust: It was the end of his 4 years! This is movie-making magic!
QSW: I would hate for my last words to be "Tears in the rain."
Mr. Lust: Ugghghhhhhhh! Its suppose to be poetic!
QSW: A movie about a guy chasing androds and killing them is suppose to have a poetic ending in it?
Mr. Lust: Yes! This is it! He says he's seen more but it's all gone like tears in the rain!
QSW: And then he dies.
Mr. Lust: Yes.
QSW: Do you want me to cry or something?
Mr. Lust: No! Just feel more emotion for it!
QSW: Can we talk about when you watched Notting Hill with me?
Mr. Lust: You win.



Mr. Lust's.

Mine.