I'm incorrigible
I'm unruly.
I'm odd.
I'm eccentric.
I'm ... I don't know.
I realize that I'm such a mess of everything that it's quite possible that I'll never find anyone who understands me. One of my friends says "that's great" because it'll make me a "mystery" for whomever I date. Since I don't want a "mystery" in my life, I don't understand how some male-being would.
At some point I just want someone to understand and accept me.
So many men I date have qualities I need, but lack the understanding. Those of you who were around during the "Matt years" read about how in-love I was with him.A part of me still loves him (is that sad?). I wish I didn't, but a part of me forever will yearn for what I had with him. He was the first person to understand me at least 80 % of the time.
Just 80%.
That is like a B average.
I don't think I'll ever expect an A average.
Then there is Mr. Lust.
Mr. Lust, even though there are those of you who frown upon him, really doesn't "hurt" me.
Sure, there is the "big" incident that happened, but he has never hurt me on a regular basis.
Matt did.
GH did.
NG did.
"The Ex" really did.
The Ex decided what I'd wear every day. I was like the scarecrow who had no brain.
NG ignored me every other day. We dated 4 months but technically it was only 2.
GH smothered me. Did I ever tell you about how he force-fed a friend of mine pasta because he was so distraught about our break up?
Matt... well its hard to explain his.... he was verbally abusive but not so much that anyone could notice... it was only after 8 months of dating upon when I learned his "joking" and his "serious." I call it the time I was dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass.
Mr. Lust... nothing... Why can't I be happy in the eyes of everyone?
Sigh... this post sucks.
Let me leave you with this:
Me: I had a dream about Large Statues last night... more like a nightmare!
RHM: haha lovely... that is universally terrifying.
Me: I know, you would have peed your pants.
RHM: Totally.
I'm odd.
I'm eccentric.
I'm ... I don't know.
I realize that I'm such a mess of everything that it's quite possible that I'll never find anyone who understands me. One of my friends says "that's great" because it'll make me a "mystery" for whomever I date. Since I don't want a "mystery" in my life, I don't understand how some male-being would.
At some point I just want someone to understand and accept me.
So many men I date have qualities I need, but lack the understanding. Those of you who were around during the "Matt years" read about how in-love I was with him.A part of me still loves him (is that sad?). I wish I didn't, but a part of me forever will yearn for what I had with him. He was the first person to understand me at least 80 % of the time.
Just 80%.
That is like a B average.
I don't think I'll ever expect an A average.
Then there is Mr. Lust.
Mr. Lust, even though there are those of you who frown upon him, really doesn't "hurt" me.
Sure, there is the "big" incident that happened, but he has never hurt me on a regular basis.
Matt did.
GH did.
NG did.
"The Ex" really did.
The Ex decided what I'd wear every day. I was like the scarecrow who had no brain.
NG ignored me every other day. We dated 4 months but technically it was only 2.
GH smothered me. Did I ever tell you about how he force-fed a friend of mine pasta because he was so distraught about our break up?
Matt... well its hard to explain his.... he was verbally abusive but not so much that anyone could notice... it was only after 8 months of dating upon when I learned his "joking" and his "serious." I call it the time I was dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass.
Mr. Lust... nothing... Why can't I be happy in the eyes of everyone?
Sigh... this post sucks.
Let me leave you with this:
Me: I had a dream about Large Statues last night... more like a nightmare!
RHM: haha lovely... that is universally terrifying.
Me: I know, you would have peed your pants.
RHM: Totally.
posted by Sipwine at 8:53 PM
3 Comments:
I'm such a mess of everything right now too. Let's get drunk!
Sometimes you have to not make everything so complicated. I know it's hard sometime but constantly thinking nobody is ever going to get you is going to continue the cycle.
Plus no matter how bad you want someone who really gets you is never going to be fully fulfilled because people change over the years so someone (Matt) might have gotten you then but in 5 years or even today might not. It's not about mystery it's about you constantly being open so someone can get you and vice versa. Maybe everyman you were with thought the same way. You never know?
Plus the age old question is why do you keep dating men that don't get you? If you feel this and it keeps happening over and over it isn't the guys fault it lies with you. The only common denominator is you throughout all. QSW I am not being harsh but I went through the same thing over the years and realized I was attracting a guy that I thought I wanted but definately not what I needed. There is a huge difference and in the end do not get too down because the fact is finding that "perfect" person is never easy. I never do this but the most amazing quote which I think applies to you and me with love.
"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but seeing and imperfect person perfectly."
-Sam Keene
P.S. I think what happened with Mr. Lust has brought you down too...go out with your girls, read an amazing book..whatever it takes to remind you that you are a good person and everything is going to turn out ok.
QSW, As long as you're happy don't let me or anyone take that away from you. I think it was my mother who told me you'll never know your significant other the way you wish you did and vice versa. All you can do is try to figure out what you can accept and what you can't. I accepted the same thing you did with the big incident... and I don't regret it. I do on the other hand have certain issues I don't think I can deal with so I have to figure that one out on my own. I think the real challenge is knowing yourself enough to know the difference between the two. If you think Mr. Lust is the one for now or even for life... enjoy every moment like there is no tomorrow because I think the biggest regrets come from the things that you don't do.
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