The Bacon Shot and a PBR please. YeeHaw!
The motto in the bar: No Crap on Tap.
A.K.A.: You will never see Miller Lite, Bud Light, Coors Light, Bud Select, etc. on tap at the bar I work at.
We have those beers, but they aren't listed on the beer menu. We have tons of beer in bottles that are in display in pretty cases, but we keep the "Lite" beers in a cooler underneath the bar.
They are the red-headed step children we beat before going to sleep at night.
That being said, if a customer orders one of those beers anyway, even after seeing they are not on draft and that they aren't on a menu.... he/she probably isn't going to tip well.
I'm sure there are several people reading this that would disagree or use themselves as an example.
That's fine.
I'm right anyway.
I have about 16 examples off hand of those people who order that beer and have either not tipped or tipped a quarter.
So find me 16 of your examples and I'll give you a shadow of a doubt.
The one exemption from the beatings is PBR. Apparently someone along the way decided that it was "retro" to drink and we decided that even though we shove that step-child under the bar in the cooler, we are against beating him. We even put him on the menu like we are proud of him and his accomplishments. Even Corona gets beaten and she's considered much better than the "Lite" beer. She's must have that something "Extra."
Ok, I'll stop with the personification of beer.
Now about last Friday...
I was running around delivering drinks when a guy hooked his arm in mine and pulled my aside by sheer force.
"Do you have any bacon in this joint?"
"Um... the kitchen is closed."
"Shit, what about a bacon shot?"
"...bacon shot...?"
"Yea, I can tell you what to put in it."
"ok....?"
"Put in well vodka, some dark beer, and salt on top."
"Are you kidding?"
"No, charge me like 5.50 for it."
"Ok..."
I left and got the shot. Jonny, the bartender lucky enough to make it, wondered if I had gone mad. He just shrugged his shoulders and handed it to me. I walked back to the guy and tried to hand it to him. "How much do I owe you?" he said. "4.25," I said. He handed me a $5 and told me to keep it. Gee, a 75 cent tip.
"Please hand it directly to that guy over there," he said pointing to some guy drinking a bud light, "that guy won't stop talking about bacon and I can't take it. Please say its a bacon shot when you hand it to him."
I walked to the guy, handed him the shot and said, "Here is your bacon shot."
Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand, from the friend who ordered it.
(1.75)
"What is this shot really?" the guy said eyeing it suspiciously.
"It's a bacon shot" I said stone faced.
Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand.
(2.75)
"What is in this? Really, I want to know."
"What does it matter? It's a bacon shot."
Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand.
(3.75)
"Come on, is there tequila in this? I can't take tequila."
"No, only bacon."
"Rum?"
"Bacon"
"Gin?"
"Bacon"
Wham. Wham. Wham.
(6.75)
At this point, I realized I was neglecting my tables but I thought I'd hold out for one more round. Especially since the guy's friend was handing me dollars and laughing so hard tears were forming.
"Ok, so what... Did you go into the kitchen and fry up some bacon to squeeze the juice into this shot glass?"
"No, I don't have that kind of time, but you apparently won't quit talking about bacon and your friend ordered you the bacon shot and this is what I've brought you. So whatever it is, it will forever be known as the bacon shot thanks to your obsession with bacon."
Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham.
(10.75)
I turned, smiled at his friend who was in tears, said thank you to him, and went to my tables, 10.75 dollars richer.
******************************************
The bar was full.
It had gotten to the point where it was easier and quicker to order from a waitress than to order from the bar.
I was walking to the bar when a man pulled me aside and asked if he could order from me instead of waiting for the bartender to see him.
I told him he could, and he ordered two Bell's Two-Hearted IPA.
I put in the order and when I got back to the counter, the guy was standing close by.
Jonny got out two Bell's and started to bring them over to me.
"Wait, can I change that to a PBR and an IPA?"
I looked at him in disbelief.
Jonny looked unsure of what to do.
"Sure" I said.
Jonny turned to leave to go and put one back and to get a PBR.
"Wait, can I make that one IPA and two PBRs?"
I know annoyance crossed my face, because frustration crossed Jonny's.
"Sure," I said.
Jonny brought over the three beers and gave them to me.
I gave them to the guy.
"How much do I owe you?"
"9.75" I said.
"Here keep the change," he said, handing over a 20 dollar bill.
"You sure?"
"Oh yea, sorry about the confusion."
I waited on him hand and foot the rest of the night, even after he started tipping normally.
Normal: 3 dollar beer = 1 dollar tip.
A.K.A.: You will never see Miller Lite, Bud Light, Coors Light, Bud Select, etc. on tap at the bar I work at.
We have those beers, but they aren't listed on the beer menu. We have tons of beer in bottles that are in display in pretty cases, but we keep the "Lite" beers in a cooler underneath the bar.
They are the red-headed step children we beat before going to sleep at night.
That being said, if a customer orders one of those beers anyway, even after seeing they are not on draft and that they aren't on a menu.... he/she probably isn't going to tip well.
I'm sure there are several people reading this that would disagree or use themselves as an example.
That's fine.
I'm right anyway.
I have about 16 examples off hand of those people who order that beer and have either not tipped or tipped a quarter.
So find me 16 of your examples and I'll give you a shadow of a doubt.
The one exemption from the beatings is PBR. Apparently someone along the way decided that it was "retro" to drink and we decided that even though we shove that step-child under the bar in the cooler, we are against beating him. We even put him on the menu like we are proud of him and his accomplishments. Even Corona gets beaten and she's considered much better than the "Lite" beer. She's must have that something "Extra."
Ok, I'll stop with the personification of beer.
Now about last Friday...
I was running around delivering drinks when a guy hooked his arm in mine and pulled my aside by sheer force.
"Do you have any bacon in this joint?"
"Um... the kitchen is closed."
"Shit, what about a bacon shot?"
"...bacon shot...?"
"Yea, I can tell you what to put in it."
"ok....?"
"Put in well vodka, some dark beer, and salt on top."
"Are you kidding?"
"No, charge me like 5.50 for it."
"Ok..."
I left and got the shot. Jonny, the bartender lucky enough to make it, wondered if I had gone mad. He just shrugged his shoulders and handed it to me. I walked back to the guy and tried to hand it to him. "How much do I owe you?" he said. "4.25," I said. He handed me a $5 and told me to keep it. Gee, a 75 cent tip.
"Please hand it directly to that guy over there," he said pointing to some guy drinking a bud light, "that guy won't stop talking about bacon and I can't take it. Please say its a bacon shot when you hand it to him."
I walked to the guy, handed him the shot and said, "Here is your bacon shot."
Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand, from the friend who ordered it.
(1.75)
"What is this shot really?" the guy said eyeing it suspiciously.
"It's a bacon shot" I said stone faced.
Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand.
(2.75)
"What is in this? Really, I want to know."
"What does it matter? It's a bacon shot."
Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand.
(3.75)
"Come on, is there tequila in this? I can't take tequila."
"No, only bacon."
"Rum?"
"Bacon"
"Gin?"
"Bacon"
Wham. Wham. Wham.
(6.75)
At this point, I realized I was neglecting my tables but I thought I'd hold out for one more round. Especially since the guy's friend was handing me dollars and laughing so hard tears were forming.
"Ok, so what... Did you go into the kitchen and fry up some bacon to squeeze the juice into this shot glass?"
"No, I don't have that kind of time, but you apparently won't quit talking about bacon and your friend ordered you the bacon shot and this is what I've brought you. So whatever it is, it will forever be known as the bacon shot thanks to your obsession with bacon."
Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham.
(10.75)
I turned, smiled at his friend who was in tears, said thank you to him, and went to my tables, 10.75 dollars richer.
******************************************
The bar was full.
It had gotten to the point where it was easier and quicker to order from a waitress than to order from the bar.
I was walking to the bar when a man pulled me aside and asked if he could order from me instead of waiting for the bartender to see him.
I told him he could, and he ordered two Bell's Two-Hearted IPA.
I put in the order and when I got back to the counter, the guy was standing close by.
Jonny got out two Bell's and started to bring them over to me.
"Wait, can I change that to a PBR and an IPA?"
I looked at him in disbelief.
Jonny looked unsure of what to do.
"Sure" I said.
Jonny turned to leave to go and put one back and to get a PBR.
"Wait, can I make that one IPA and two PBRs?"
I know annoyance crossed my face, because frustration crossed Jonny's.
"Sure," I said.
Jonny brought over the three beers and gave them to me.
I gave them to the guy.
"How much do I owe you?"
"9.75" I said.
"Here keep the change," he said, handing over a 20 dollar bill.
"You sure?"
"Oh yea, sorry about the confusion."
I waited on him hand and foot the rest of the night, even after he started tipping normally.
Normal: 3 dollar beer = 1 dollar tip.
posted by Sipwine at 9:38 AM
7 Comments:
PBR...next to Schlitts has to be the worst beer I have ever drunk and that includes anything produced in Korea or even China.
Indy, I think maybe the beer is called Shitts has something to do with quality. ;)
QSW, okay, I'm DYING laughing about the bacon shot, but yes, I'm your person to tell you, as a Coors Light drinker, I'm a good tipper. Granted, I don't like drinking it from tap because, well, I don't. But, when I'm out getting tended at a bar, even if someone is just opening a bottle of beer for me, a two dollar tip. If I'm sitting at the bar or if I have an open tab, I do a standard 20-percent, because I figure they're waiting on me like everyone else.
I'm sorry there are crappy tippers out there. I'd be embarrassed at myself to give an 'and change' tip.
I have a question... do most people tip you based on the total cost of the meal including tax, or just the cost of the meal? I'm always the idiot who tips based on the cost of the meal and tax, kicking myself afterward.
A bacon shot? Ridiculous.
Not a beer drinker but a $2 is what I give for any drink that is lucky enough to be placed in front of me...
My bar has $2 PBRs year round. Since a pint runs you $5 it's basically so the employees can afford to drink there....
Dude, I just have to say this...I have never seen you "quietly" sipping wine.
Indy: You know, I've never had PBR. Never. Why? No idea. I've never been the slightest tempted to take a glup.
So, I'll take your word for it, and just continue with my non-drinking of it.
Eileen: I wondered who'd be the one to contradict me. To be fair, if I drink Bud Light (my choice in cheap beer) at a bar, usually I tip far better than the "normal" tippers. I know there are good "Light" drinkers who tip well, just none of them come to my bar. ;) As for tipping, I usually look at the chunk of change and think, "oh good" or "oh, bad" rather than figure out if they are figuring before or after tax. I'm not sure which people do.
Scotty: Thank you Jim Gaffigan.
BC: I'd serve and protect you any day. I'd even take a quarter for you. ;)
WB: Haha, we get a "shifty" at the end of each of our shifts. Then after that you are paying 6.50 for car and jaeger bombs.
Laura: Dude, "quietly" also equals "horny" which is bad when you already find yourself in a line with your co-workers giving massages to each other. I think it would be awkard to make out with everyone and then work with them the next night. I already apologize enough for what I do at the bar. Could you imagine me walking around saying, "Oh sorry for sticking my tongue down your throat last night, i swear, it was the wine."
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