Christmas Quotes

QSW about to go to bed at 1AM, stops because she sees her mother emerge from her bedroom.
QSW: Mom, Why are you up?
Mom: We need Toliet Paper and Pickles.
QSW: Ok....
Mom: QSW! We cannot have christmas without Toliet paper and Pickles!


While playing Trivial Pursuit, a family tradition...

QSW reading the question after about 3 drinks.
QSW: How thick is a hockey puck if a hockey puck could chuck wood?
Dad: (without missing a beat) 1 inch.
Mom and Aunt: (giggling incontrollably) No! Jim! It's 1.5 inches.
Dad: (not wanting to deal with giggling) Fine.
QSW: (laughing uncontrollably) 1 inch.

After playing Trivial Pursuit for close to an hour and the "young ones" team being ahead for the majority of the game the "old folks" team finally tied it.
QSW reads question to win game to herself before reading it out loud.
QSW: Fuck.
Brother: QSW! Stop being so MELODRAMATIC!
Aunt, Mother, Cousins, Dad giggling at the word Fuck, while my
Brother reads the question to himself.
Brother: WHAT THE FUCK?
Everyone laughing uncontrollably with lots of booze in system.
Brother: What color is Bianco wine? THIS IS A SCIENCE AND LEISURE QUESTION? READ TO A FAMILY OF WINOS? FUCK? (storms out of room)
Mom: Who's being Melodramatic?
Dad and Aunt: White.

Talking to Mr. Lust the one time I had a chance all weekend/week.
Me: Hi Dear.
Mr. Lust: Hi Baby.
Me: What's your worst?
Mr. Lust: My sister stormed out of the house because my father favors the men in the family more than the women, and no one could find her for 45 minutes, finally after searching found her behind a tree. You?
Me: My grandmother told my cousin that the best way to get her to control her 11 month old is to slap it repeatedly and then attempted to show her how to do it, before my dad and grandfather grabbed her arm.
Mr. Lust: You win.
Me: Thank you dear.

More to come...