The weekend.

This weekend was interesting and surprisingly good.

Friday night: I went out with ID, my friend Beau, his friend Stewart, my brother, and a bunch of other people. It was good until 1:30am, while I was texting Matt to see if he was out, a guy grabbed me (pretending I was his girlfriend) and then started slamming the bar really hard with his fist, while grabbing me by the neck. I immediately grabbed the guy's arm to try to get him off me, but he had superhuman strength, and i was starting to get light headed from his grip. The bartender didn't wait for the bouncers to get through the crowd to me, he jumped up on the bar, and tackled the guy. Lucky for me, one of my friends had gotten to me by then and had my arm so I didn't fall with them. I stood there for a moment, slightly shaking, ID said "Are we going?" I told him that I needed air, but if he could walk me to the door, I'd appreciate it. I told him that I was going to walk to Matt's place (he lives not even a block from the bar we were at).
Matt at that moment text messaged me back saying that he was home and not out at the bars.
I got there, told Matt the story, and he asked if ID and his buddy wanted to come there.
I called them.
They came.
I left around 2, I had to get some sleep. They stayed up until 4 apparently.

Saturday day: So, Matt invited me to a Corral exchange. He has long had this hobby of making his fish tank look pretty, but I've never been included on it. He would go all over the place by himself collecting things, and bringing them back. I didn't ask to join, it's his hobby, and I left it at that. So it was my surprise when he asked if I would like to go with him Saturday morning.
I told him I'd come over around 11, with coffee, and wake him up.
I did just that.
We drove down together, went and saw all the corral, he was asking my opinion about which ones he should get... which made me feel really giddy... and then we ate at the Waffle House nearby and drove back.
When we got back, I started laundry, and watched a movie and he played for 2 hours with his fish tank.
It was a really pleasant Saturday.

Saturday night: I had four tickets to Bob Saget. His friend Mark and his crazy girlfriend were coming up for the other two tickets and to go with us. We all had a really good time at it. We ate together afterwards and drank together after that. They finally left at 2 in the morning to go back home, even though we offered the spare room. After they left, Matt and I talked for about an hour about things he's going through at work, and things I'm going through at work, and about how certain people suck... yadda yadda... after that Matt asked if I wanted to see the end of the movie we had started watching earlier. I agreed, we poured another drink and settled in to watch the remaining 45 minutes. Matt was still awake but I was sleepy after that, and since I was drinking vodka, I was really touchy feely. I apologized for that, and Matt laughed.
I pulled him down next to me, and curled up as the big spoon. He grabbed my arm and held it to his chest.
I fell asleep soon after that.
I woke up at some point to him moving to the other side of me (he has a certain side he has to sleep on at night). I curled up with him again, and he didn't resist for a moment.
I really nice evening.

Sunday morning: I woke up completely depressed, started crying, ran to the bathroom, cried for 10 minutes because I knew I loved Matt and Matt didn't love me. Calmed down, read the newest Playboy cover to cover, and brushed my teeth.

Insane? Yes!

I don't know what is wrong with females. Their XX chromosomes fight with each other for no apparent reason. Maybe the X chromosome wore the same shoes as the other X chromosome and they are mad at each other, I don't know, but it PISSES ME OFF when these things happen. Why.... why, why, why... after such an amazing weekend, would I feel that way on Sunday morning.
Not only that, why would I only feel that way for 15 minutes and then read a naked women magazine for the next 15 minutes and feel completely fine.
Why on earth would my mind and emotion decided that because Matt has been nothing but good to me all weekend, that obviously he wouldn't love me.... does that make sense? no.
I felt like slapping my own self.
The rest of Sunday is really good too (so far).
Matt is going to Chicago to visit his mom (she had something which she thought was a stroke, but is ok now, but she is still shaken by the whole thing) and when I left his apartment he said he'd call me so we could hang out if he came back this evening.
I didn't even ask him too, he just said that because... honestly.. I think he wants to hang out with me... so obviously by woman's logic, he doesn't love me... its only the guys who don't want to hang out with me that do love me.

I swear at myself.