For those of you who know their significant other by heart and can easily walk into a store and buy something for them, I envy you.

For the rest of us, we need help.

I am dating a man now, who is eccentric to say the least.

His idols are: Ron Jeremy, Mike Shank (American Movie), Tom Selleck, and Hunter S. Thompson
Likes: Dancing around his apartment, talking about how he's going to make millions creating the first ever penis enlarging mechanism, Captain Morgan, Danza Slapping, and Nano technology which he studies every day as part of his job.
Dislikes: Sugar free jelly, reduced fat peanut butter, scientifically related insults (i.e. "Hun, you're a little emotional, is the estrogen high today?"), dumb girls, guys who have sex in a canoe, and people who yell.

The man is impossible to buy for, and he seems to have my Christmas present down. He keeps telling me how I'm going to love all the things he's getting for me. When I ask what they are he responds with "a pink helmet so you don't hurt your head next time out of Harry's" or "A black punisher (see dildo)" or something that I really don't think he'll buy (i think...)

I'm at a loss.
I would like to get him something good, but what, I have no idea.