2 Months
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"I love you"

It was the third time he had said it in an hour.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

I was trying to do homework. Math homework. Calculus.
And he was saying "I love you" every 20 minutes.

"Not at all, you just make me so happy." he replied.

I could feel the noose, tighten.
I had visions of all my air being cut off from the lovable puppy slobbering me to death.
My friends wondered what happened to me.
RHM and FN were the only two to see me anymore.
And that was only if GH was there.

GH started sentences like "Well, one day when we are married..."

Married? How many months had it had been? Two?
Loss of breath had already set in on some occasions. How long before the anxiety?

RHM looked at me as if she were happy for me.
If she only knew everything.

And then there came the penis.
"Size doesn't matter." Its what girls always say.
Very true in most cases.
Unless your hand, made into a fist, almost covers the entire dick.
Whatever, I could live with it, he knew how to move it.

Wait... no he didn't.
Sex was awkward and strange every time we did it.
I would get this sick feeling (once the newness wore off) every time we did it.
I can't replicate it unless I start thinking of a 90 year old man, with wrinkles everywhere, tying me up, against my will, and pinching my nipple repeatedly saying "you know you want it," then waving his dick at me... which was as long as my fist.
That gets me somewhere in the range of the sick feeling I got with GH.

But... GH was a good man.
Caring, wonderful, a decent human being.
He had a lot of my same interests, and what he didn't have an interest in he would put forth the effort to understand it, just like i did with him.
Thats what girls want isn't it?
A man who is emotionally available. A man who would be at their beck and call. A man who would really try to understand them.
Right?!?

I hung on longer.
I knew by two months we weren't going to work out.
But everyone was "so happy" for us.
It was like winning Prom Queen or something.
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3 Months
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It wasn't until almost three months that I realized that I had no desire to be Prom Queen.

At two and a half months I got a bad eye infection.
So bad that at 3 in the morning I had to be rushed to the ER because I was bleeding from my eye.
Doctor had no idea what was wrong with me, but gave me antibotics and Vicodin and sent me on my way.
Antibotics worked, and the Vicodin got me through the next week before the redness started going away.
I had 8 pills of Viocodin left and no need for them anymore.
I did the unthinkable.
I called Matt, and told him I had them.
He always complained of a bad neck from being at the microscope all day.
I offered them to him.
He accepted.

We chatted for about 30 minutes before I left his apartment.
No funny business. Just talking.

I felt bad at what I had done. And I told GH. Sort of.
I told him what I had done, but I told him I had "run into" Matt and had mentioned to him that I had the pills if he needed them, and he accepted.
It was a version of the truth. And I felt worse for not saying all of it.
GH didn't seem to mind at all.
That's when I realized that I felt guilty only because I wanted more to happen.
I slapped myself mentally.

A week later I was at the bars. GH wasn't there.
I had to ask him to stay at home.
I just wanted to hang out with RHM, SY, and ID alone.
Nothing against him, I just knew how much they held back when he was there.
I just wanted to be alone with my friends.
It was like beating a puppy.
He finally agreed though.
RHM and I were the first two out.
I confessed everything to her.
She was horrifed and immediately asked me to stop seeing him.
SY and ID showed up shortly after that.
We all relaxed and drank without GH hovering over us.
That's when Matt showed up.
I wrote a post about the occasion.
The gist of the post was: He wanted more (like a relationship with me), I said no, I played it cool, when really I wasn't because I did want more.
A few weeks more with GH, and I knew that even if I didn't want Matt (or said i didn't) I had to end it with him.

GH took the news very hard.
I didn't disappear completely at first.
Actually the next couple of days went as if I didn't ask for a break up.
Slowly but surely we started drifting.
Everything went at his pace.
I started going out on dates with Matt, who called me every other day for 2 weeks (who had no idea that I was in a relationship or out of one by that point), and quietly started to move on from GH.

And now you have today.
Christmas day (or if I could have typed faster)
Matt called me (no prompting on my part) said Merry Christmas, and we talked for a bit before saying goodnight.
And I'm very happy with only that.