Quietly Sipping Wine

Get out of my way.

2011-08-01T08:15:00.001-07:00

Its incredible to me that people walking on the side walk will blatantly not move over. A party of three walking shoulder to shoulder will stare you down if you are walking towards them. What in the world? I'm pretty sure the city pays for the sidewalk not you. I actually ran into a tree today trying to get out of the way of three, obese, middle aged, ugly, people.

Do you hate that I'm young and skinny?

2011-07-24T15:09:00.001-07:00

For the first time in my life I'm sort of dating someone.... with a kid.

I'm not quite sure on how to handle it. I haven't met this kid yet and I already have trepidation towards what will happen when I do. A kid is ... permanent. What if it doesn't like me? What if it likes me too much and then we part our ways? What if I grow attached and then we split?

It's a new playing field for me.

It's scary enough starting a relationship. This kid business feels like my fledgling relationship is already weighted.

Is this thing on?

2011-07-22T09:32:00.002-07:00

Its been so long since I've written anything that it seems pointless to try to "catch up" with anyone who still reads this. So I'm just going to start, today, and write again. I have a new laptop and some time finally on my hands.

I still work at The Black Sparrow. (an update, but not really)

Fledgling relationships are always interesting. I became friends and then later "siblings" with a guy whom I work with. I was seeing someone at the time, but honestly, I loved the guy. Not in that "secretly I wish I was with you but I'm not" sort of scenario. I loved him for him. To justify that feeling and still show that I was deeply committed to my significant other, I started calling him my brother. Drunk one night, I told him how I felt, and explained I had no intention of ever dating him, but that I really just loved him for him. Maybe that was stupid to do, but alcohol feeds honesty.

He soon after added me on Facebook as his sister and I accepted that he was my brother via a social website.

Then the divorce hit. I still don't know what happened. He went on vacation with me, told me it was the best vacation ever, talked about buying a car with me, we had just purchased renters insurance together, one day later he left me without telling me why.

I was a wreck.

4 days after the break up, I had finally weaned myself off of booze and had switched to anti-depressants and happy pills. A friend invited me over to watch tv (she was worried sick about me) and while she was playing on Facebook, messaged my "brother" and asked what he had done for his "sister" in all this mess.

He came over shortly after to support his "sister."

It was a normal evening, they did a couple round of shots, while I laid on the couch in a Clonazepam haze, we watched True Blood, and then it was time for my friend to go to sleep. She asked my brother if he wanted to stay and he agreed. I laid down on one couch and him on the other. He started whispering to me in the dark and telling me how things would be better soon for me.

I got up, walked over and curled up against him. He held me, I told him I loved him, he said it back and then it went all haywire.

I slept with my brother.

Are you Type A,B, or C?

2010-12-28T22:05:00.000-08:00

There are three types of people in this world when it comes to restaurants:

Type A:

Arrives to a restaurant, sits down, gets greeted, then proceeds to talk and not look at a menu. When they finally get around to looking at the menu, and decide on what they want, they are pissed as hell that the server is not immediately at their table to take their order. I'll call this type, "The world revolves around me." After getting their order in, they will chug their waters as fast as they can and repeat the above process with their refills. TWRAM are horrible people to wait on and usually tip like crap no matter how many water refills they get.

Type B:

Arrives to a restaurant, sits down, gets greeted, orders drinks, by the time the server gets back with said drinks, orders food and lets the server know if they want extras (side ranch, no tomato, etc.) and are completely happy even if their drinks get a little low or their waters need refilling.

Tip like rock stars.

Type C:

Arrives to a restaurant....

Then A, take forever to sit downv(should we sit here? or here?), or B sits down immediately.

Gets greeted....

Then A, orders drinks or B, can't decide on anything but is polite about it.

Server gets back with drinks, (finally, or immediately)....

Then A, One can't decide on something so server has to come back, or B orders food.

Server checks on them from time to time....

Then A, orders more drinks, B, suddenly remembers they want a side of ranch

Server brings food...

Then A, orders more drinks, or B, suddenly remembers they want a side of ranch

Server brings check....

Then A, pays, B, suddenly wants separate checks, C, wants more drinks instead.

It's a love/hate thing with Type C. Sometimes they tip well, making every indecision worth it. Sometimes they don't, making you never want to wait on them again.

Luckily, with my job, if I don't want to wait on you, I don't have too. Shitty tip? No thanks, I'll even tell you that to your face. Awesome customer? I'll actually wait on you before three other people in the crowd.

You know what this means?

300 dollars on a Tuesday night and home by one A.M.

My rent is 400 + all utilities.

2010-12-28T15:31:00.000-08:00

I've always had a back-up apartment. I've lived with two guys (meaning most of the stuff went into their place but not all), I've had drawers at five guy's places, and I've always had an apartment. The two guys I lived with always wanted me to bring the rest of my stuff over and move in officially, but in the back of my brain there was always a flashing red light, "Warning, SipsWine, Warning."

So based on the above, it comes with monumental satisfaction, to say, "I'm moving in with Ben." It took only 28 years to feel comfortable enough with someone, to move in when they asked.

Needless to say, the experience is very new for me, and Ben is having a blast laughing at my questions and hesitations.

Me: So what are we going to do with chest of drawers?

Ben: Put it next to mine.

Me: But then we'll have two.

Ben: Is your chest of drawers full of clothes?

Me: Yes.

Ben: Then I guess we need two.

Or.

Me: Where will I hang my Audrey Hepburn pictures?

Ben: On the wall.

Me: Which one?

Ben: I don't care, any of them.

Me: But, which one do you want them on so they are out of your way?

Ben: Honey, this is your apartment now. I want them wherever you want them.

It'll take some getting use too.

Big Gift vs. Small Gift.

2010-12-25T20:16:00.000-08:00

Every year, for the last 28 of my life, my parents have gotten my brother and I a "big gift." That could mean an actual big gift (my dollhouse that my dad made for me when I was 6 or 7) or a "big" gift (like my American Girl's doll when there was only Molly, Kristin, and Samantha). Either way, my brother and I would open presents and then go find our "big gift."

This year, my brother and I decided that a "big" gift was in order for my parents who had a 1997 27 inch tv in their living room.

500 dollars later, we had a 32 inch (only size that would fit into their entertainment center), 1080, LCD, LED TV for them.

My mom and dad have not stopped talking about it since.

It's a nice feeling to give back some of what you've received.

Merry Christmas everyone.

ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL.

2010-12-25T13:28:00.000-08:00

Long story.

I forgot my Google password.

I hadn't posted in awhile, still remembering my password, posted, promptly forgot password.

I'm 27 and have selective Alzheimer's.

Then I was reading Hyperbole and a half and decided that her newest post was the most amazing post I had ever read and magically, I remembered my password.

I REMEMBERED!

Not only that, I have a laptop, which means I can type out posts NO MATTER WHERE I AM.

So the last year was a waste. The man I dated dumped me and then decided 4 months later that he actually wanted me and thought we'd be good as man and wife. I use "man and wife" because this decision was based solely on what he felt and in no reference to my happiness and well being.

Therefore, it was a man decision to require a wife to cook and clean for him, because I'm sure about 4 months after I was out of his life he suddenly realized he had had only pizza, wings, and chinese food to eat and was sitting in his own filth.

I look really good then.

I took one look at him and said, "no."

He took it as I would rather be with the ridiculously handsome and same aged boyfriend I was seeing and not the fact that I didn't want to aspire to clean and cook for him the rest of my life.

Men are sometimes stupid.

Birthday boy

2009-09-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

Part two still is coming.... its kind of exhausting to sum up 6 months of my life here and there. ;)

"What did you get him for his birthday?"
"Pillows."
"What? Really?"
"Before you judge let me tell you that the first time he spent the night at my apartment, he went on and on non-stop about how my down-filled pillows were superior to his foam ones. Last night, he did the same thing and then commented about he needed to get down filled ones."
"Ah, I see now."
"Yea, I am nervous all the same about the gift, I don't know how he'll take it."
"I'm sure anything you give him he'll like."
"Damn, I should have gotten him a dvd."

Flash forward.

"So what did you get me for my birthday?"
"Who says I got you anything?"
"You did, two nights ago."
"Damn, Hold on."
I left and got the pillows, I had only tied a blue ribbon around them, wrapping pillows seems impossible.
"Here."
I handed him the pillows and simultaneously watched his reaction. He was surprised at first and them a huge smile crossed his face.
"The good pillows like your bed?"
I nodded.
"I went to Bed Bath and Beyond today..."
My heart sunk.
"...I went there to look to see how much they were and how much better sheets were."
"Oh?" I said only to keep the story going.
"I decided that I should get the sheets but not the pillows because they were like 40 to 50 bucks a pop and I decided I could do without them. Even if I really wanted them."
He looked up and smiled at me.
"I needed to waste 80 bucks on you for your birthday." I said and smiled back.
"I'm really glad you did."
"Me too."
"Did you talk to my mom about this?"
The question caught me off guard completely, "What, no?"
"Well she said she was getting me a new comforter and curtains for my birthday."

Apparently all minds think alike when it comes to the man I'm dating.

One year in the life of QSW.

2009-09-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

Since we got the dog in June of last year, And it is/was August of this year.
I have one year to cover.

"Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen."

Mr. Lust and I continued.
Mr. Lust started getting more and more violent.
Mr. Lust doubled his work load and started watching his family's company lose profit all the same.
He started taking it out on me.
At first it was screaming and yelling over stupid things, like, "You said you would be home from work at this hour, and it was 30 minutes later," which would erupt into WWIII.
Then it was throwing things at walls.
Then it was throwing things at my direction.
Then it was throwing objects at the wall that I happened to be in (Aka, the recliner and me into the wall).
Then I got scared to leave him, or somehow I was always sucked back in.
Then finally, finally, he hit me in the back of the head and threw me down outside his house in front of a busy road. Cars slowed down to watch. I sobbed. And I finally woke up and grew the balls (pardon my French) to dump him and move out.
Two of my closest friends drove me to his house while he was at a baseball game, and we packed me and loaded up my friend's car in less than 30 minutes.
I got back to my apartment, which I hadn't really been in for a year, and unloaded it.
I think I shook the entire time.
There were a lot of nasty phone calls and texts after that from him, but thankfully it was pretty much over.

Part two coming soon...

Anyone still out there?

2009-07-19T23:31:00.001-07:00

Recently I was in Charleston visiting my brother when I realized that without moving I had broken a sweat.
So hot.
We (my brother and a couple friends) went to a pizza place where we loaded our pizza with hot sauce and cooled our breath with beer.
How is it that Southern people can eat so many hot things and not sweat like a stuck pig?

Die hard fans.

2008-09-16T13:39:00.001-07:00

It seems that 200 - 300 of you still come here once a month.
If you like my writing, please e-mail me at quietlysippingwine@yahoo.com

Too Much?

2008-08-12T11:33:00.000-07:00

Remember for your papers, John Brown was hanged, not hung. He might have been hung too but that is a different topic.

2008-08-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

I kissed a girl, just to try it.
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it. (doesn't mind it?)

Ok, It's hot that Katy had the balls to talk about the phenomenon where girls get drunk and kiss each other. There has been one time in my life where two guys made out drunk... and trust me, it was not something I wanted to see. Somehow it's hot when straight women do it. Why? I have no idea, in fact, I don't even find it hot, I find it disgusting. The two girls doing it are obviously screaming, "LOOK AT ME! I AM AWESOME!" silently in their heads and when no one heard them decided the only thing left was to make out with each other.
Crazy phenomenon.

Back to Katy and her singing. Why, Why, Why, Katy did you make such an awesome song about this crazy phenomenon and use BAD ENGLISH!? Bill Gates, who is ten times smarter than you, created an awesome program called WORD so that the dumb people of this world would have something to make them at least SOUND SMARTER!

"Don't mean I'm in love tonight?"
Lets break this down.
Do Not mean I'm in love tonight?
Does that sound right?
NO!
Excuse me, let me use your English so you understand me.
Do that sound right?
NO!

This reminds me in the 90's before Katie Holmes became crazy and decided Mr. LongSchnoz was hot and wanted to have science babies, she starred in a show called Dawson's Creek. The show sucked, and the opening song was a representation of it. I watched all my friends sing, "I don't wanna wait" by Paula Cole, and every time they sang, "And say a little prayer for I" I cringed.

Excuse me, "me cringed" not "I."
I bet you got confused there for a second.
REALLY?
I?
Not ME?
I realize it rhymes, but WRITE A DIFFERENT SONG IF IT DOESN'T FIT!

How about this?

From now on, me will right stoopid bad english and see if yous like reading it because many like singing it. Today, me realized that I's wisdom teef started moving again (or maybe I should say, "shuckin' and jivin'" like Justin Rickilake). My jaw hurts and booze seemed to helpin' it. Hope aspirin helped it, but was wrong.

Ok, that takes an effort.
Has anyone seen the movie Idiocracy? Because I don't think I am going to reproduce.

(WORD hated me on this post.)

GO AWAY!

2008-08-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

Last night, I screamed "Go away" and literally kicked a guy away from LeggyBlonde and myself.
He came back and thats when I really started screaming "GO AWAY" loudly.
I'm only writing this because some of you might be confused by LB's comment below.
;-)

The women I work with.

2008-08-01T12:11:00.001-07:00

Let me just say that it's intimidating to work with such beautiful women at my job.
Both of the girls I work with are beautiful in completely different ways making it hard for guys to figure out which one to stare at first.

First we have LeggyBlonde:

Second is HelloKitty:
Both of these women are strikingly beautiful but the amazing thing about them is their personalities. While very different, they still both have qualities that continue to impress me and make me want to be more like them.
LeggyBlonde is very down to earth who laughs easily at silly jokes I make and seems to catch the eye of multiple men who then become frequents at the bar making the rest of us uncomfortable for her. She of course brushes it off like she hasn't attracted anyone and we are all full of it. One of the many things I love about her. Once you become her friend you can count on her to hold all your secrets. Even ones you didn't expect her to hold secret, she just lets your business be yours and no one elses. Its an impressive quality which I don't possess.
HelloKitty, who is called that because of her love of her pet kittens, is equally as beautiful and tends to have a no-nonsense attitude to just about everything. She's finds it easy to tell someone with the utmost politeness to bugger off if she doesn't find their company pleasing. I never could do that and I'd find myself in very bad situations. Once you've become her friend she always goes out of her way to compliment or make you laugh when your day would be otherwise crummy.

Of course, both of these women are taken and by gentlemen who are worthy of their attention.
Its no matter to me, I don't want to date them, but I feel bad for all the men who I've just disappointed.

Let's play a game...

2008-07-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

... I'll name four people that I would sleep with, as long as there were no strings attached, (except maybe a fantasy disappearing), then you name your four.
Why four? Three is standard, and five is too much.

Numero Uno: George Clooney.

You might find this one odd, if you do, you obviously haven't seen the next three. I like older movies, and George Clooney reminds me of Cary Grant except straight. I couldn't put Cary Grant down because he's dead and I'm not into necrofilia.

Numero Dos: Paolo Nutini

Some of you right now are concerned for my sanity, having stated Georgy as number one and Paolo as number two, I understand. What can I say? I like variety and shoes, and he's different from George and sings about new shoes.

Number Three: Jim Sturgess

I would actually cut off my left foot to sleep with this man. Ooo... bite that finger... you know you want some QSW. This man is just HOTT in my book, that's right he has two Ts in his HOTT. He's also somewhat of a combo between Paolo and George... look at those expressive eyes and skinny tie. I love skinny ties. I have many things to do with skinny ties....
...I digress.

Number Four: Robert Downey Jr.

On a recent drunk Friday night my friend Amanda and I sipped some Stoli and discussed what made Robbie so incredibly lustful in our books. What we came up with? Obtainability. I just made up a word to describe Robbie, that's how awesome he is. He looks like a guy that you could walk up to in a bar and sit down and have a successful night of receiving a phone number, or whatever you were trying to obtain, from I really hot man. Girls like it when they have the upper hand. Robbie looks like the kind of guy that would let you make all the moves and he'd fall into your hands.
Yea... thats it. I'm getting hot just thinking about it.

Now your turn, if you comment, you have to name four guys or girls (or both?) that you'd put in your list.

ARGH

2008-07-28T19:23:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, even though I love him, I want to pull his hair out.
Sometimes, even though I like his family, I want them to disappear.
Sometimes, I think really bad things, and then I am humbled when simple acts of kindness are given.
Above all, I love the puppy.

All you have to do is show some tits...

2008-07-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

Girl: Who are you dating now?
Guy: I don't know if you'd call it dating, but I met a stripper that comes over around midnight, gets me high, sucks my dick, we fuck, I fall asleep and when I wake up, she's gone.
Random eavesdropper: Dude, marry that bitch!

WiscoBlonde and LeggyBlonde might be the only two to understand this post to it's fullest. The fact that they are both blonde has nothing to do with it.
If you are female and you are a bartender, somehow, you become a goddess in the eyes of the drunk men you serve. You could have the worst personality, worst hair, you could spit in the trash can, but the minute you flip out two shot glasses and start pouring some concoction into it, they want to hump you from sundown to sunrise. I know alcohol has a little bit to do with it, but as a server I don't have this much attention and as just a drunk guest I have little to no attention. So it really has something to do with being the one who pours the alcohol.

I have a little bit of an ego problem, that I never had or dreamed of before.

There was a petition signed by customers at the pub I work at. The petition was for me to break up with Mr. Lust. When I asked why I was suppose to break up with Mr. Lust, they said "because we want a chance with you."
I'm not that great.
I keep telling myself this.
One guy in particular who looks like a knock off of Joaquin Phoenix, would not give it up yesterday. He decided to tell random people about how excited he would be if I would break up with Mr. Lust so that we could get married.
I kept trying to play it off, especially when the boss-man asked, "Why do you want to marry her?" and I said, "because he wants to see my tits really bad."
Mr. Knock-off JP replied with, "No, it runs much deeper than that." Which would have been somewhat sweet if I didn't know that he had had 4 drinks before that.

Also, I made a huge mistake. One I will regret for a long time.
I went from High school, where people hated me and I hated them, to college where I wasn't hated but I wasn't wild because I had such a low self-esteem from being hated before, to now, where I have forgotten high school, and realized only that I didn't have a very crazy time in college.
So, I'm making up for it now.
Last Sunday, I went down a water slide top-less in Hello Kitty's back yard. I was WASTED, I actually don't remember doing it, I just remember another girl convincing me to do it. We went inside and then back out, and then thats apparently when we went down topless.
I don't doubt that I did it, even if I blacked out.
St. Pat came in last night and told me that all the men at the party gave him full details of what my breasts are like.
Disturbing.
So so so disturbing.
Needless to say I think I should stop drinking so much.
And to top off all of that...
Amanda's boyfriend (on again, off again) tried to go home with me. Granted they are confused anyways, but come on, what girl would go home with her best friend's boyfriend?
I don't care if it is on again and off again.
Especially when he knew me to be seeing Mr. Lust.
Blech.

My My... how Quietly Sipping Wine has changed.

can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

2008-07-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

I'm getting a new desk in my office.

I had to clean out the old desk and I found some things that I didn't know where in there. One, a plate from my old roommate's collection, two, the DaVinci Code book, and three pictures of me with Matt. Every picture was either of my friend at the time or of Matt and myself.

It was obvious to me in every picture how happy I was.

I muttered, "Sad, pathetic fool," to myself right as my boss walked into my office. My boss paused for a moment and said, "You know I think everyone goes through that."

We didn't say anymore, but that was sufficient, I'll miss her when she leaves to move to California.
*******************

Mr. Lust and I got a puppy. He's a happy healthy German shepherd/rottweiler puppy who eats more than I could imagine and poops even more than that.

Here he is listening to LB talking to him so she can take a picture.

I officially move in with Mr. Lust in August. I decided ID needed a year's rent from me, so I will pay him for a year, it also gives me two months to move instead of a week.

I need to take pictures of our garden again. The tomatoes are out of control and it looks like "Ooze" took a hold of all the veggies and made them huge.

Other news, I opened my purse today to get out cash for Starbucks when I found a screwdriver in my purse. I didn't put it there, so I pulled it out of my purse out of shock. The Starbucks lady and I had moment of looking at each other with a screwdriver in my hand before I shrugged and placed it back in my purse. "I guess I need two cups of coffee in the morning so I don't do that again," I said. The lady smiled in a way that said, "Right, I'll smile because you are trying to make a joke but I still think your crazy."

I wonder where that screw driver came from actually.

Who caught the TMNT reference or knows what TMNT means?

Soap.

2008-07-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

When I was younger (try age 15) I use to use conditioner on my skin.
I don't know if anyone else does this, but I would use soap and then use conditioner right afterwards. In my head I thought, "Well, if its good for my hair and I have hair on my arm, it will be good for my arm."
I stopped at some point, I don't remember when, but I do remember how it started.
Neil Plantation.
No, not his real first last name, but his real first name.
Neil was a cross between Colin Firth and Colin Farrell.
Take Firth's squareness-hottness:
And Farrell's intensity: And you have Neil.... although, I was a 15 year old, things could be exaggerated in my mind.

One day in Biology, Neil, while the teacher was talking, grabbed my arm and said, "Wow, QSW, you have really amazing skin," and then went back to pretend to listen to the teacher.
That moment changed the way I thought about my skin and it made me go to extreme measures to keep it "amazing" for Neil.
That was the day I started my conditioner treatment.

Neil and I never dated. Although, most of my high school hated me, he always made it a point to talk to me. He even did what a few would call, "flirting," which was basically complimenting my shirt saying my boobs looked nice in it (I didn't get boobs until I was 18 which is when I got my first boyfriend as well, funny how those things happen). Still, to this day, I remember him and how gorgeous he was, but sadly the conditioner treatment faded a long time ago.

What a random thing to think about while in a hotel shower that only had soap that dried out my skin...
...forcing me to use conditioner on it.

Informercial

2008-07-13T00:26:00.000-07:00

Most of the time when I get home late from work, I see weird info-mercials before I finally commit to sleep. The things I see are usually credit card debt relievers or something to do with Billy Mays.

Tonight was different.

I was watching tonight (in between Thomas Crown Affair which I love) an info-mercial that featured a company that would help out with dead-beat parents paying for child support.

The end line said, "If you are serious about receiving your child-support please call now."

What I'm curious about, how serious?

Does this company break legs? Torture things? Mr. Lust explained to me in the shower how to torture someone with a bucket, rat, and blow torch.

You don't want to know.

Do they do something like that to get child support? How serious do you have to be to get that treatment for your ex-significant other?

A company like that could make a killing, maybe even get Billy Mays to sign on for that ride.

My personality

2008-07-08T10:31:00.001-07:00

Picture Central

2008-07-07T18:55:00.000-07:00

FN and QSW at 8:30 in the morning before a Cubs game.

Outside Wrigley Field at the Cubby Bear Pub where we had a suite for free.

Instead of Taste of Tippecanoe, LB and I went to a party with a bouncy castle, so much better.

Sometimes you have to bask in the bouncy castle glory.

HelloKitty and Magic being crazy at the Sparrow!

LB, HK, and I being silly at the Sparrow.

LB in a pause from picture taking. ;-)

In Canada, my phone did this all week. I couldn't call out, people couldn't call in.

The cabin is on the hill and the sauna is at the bottom of the hill by the lake.

Crazy German chopping wood. It's scary what Germans do after winning against the Turks.

Part Deux

We picked flowers. With an Argo. To outrun the mosquitoes.

View of the cabin from the boat we were sitting in.

We lived by the grill, Mr. Lust was only demonstrating.

We took the waverunner to this rock, Mr. Lust didn't know he was posing for me.

Mr. Lust's family met us at the cabin halfway through the vacation, here his little brother seems to be beating him in arm wrestling. ;-)

My first fish. Ever. I was so proud, I wouldn't even touch it.

Brothers. It was just a cute picture.

Pictures of the new puppy coming soon...

Vacation

2008-07-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

Vacation was great.
So many things happening, that I will post more later.
Love,
QSW

Ever since...

2008-06-19T13:36:00.000-07:00

... Mr. Lust asked me to move in with him.

1. )I've been contacted by Matt - whom I haven't spoken with since last August

2.)I've been contacted by GuitarHero - whom I hadn't spoken with since my friend's funeral

3.)I've been contacted by The Ex (few will remember him, he was at the very beginning of this blog) - and I haven't spoken with him since January of 2005, he's married and with a different job at this point.

Still, within three weeks since Mr. Lust asked me to move in with him, I had all three of my last three serious relationships contact me.

I think God might have the proverbial magnifying glass pointed at me.

2008-06-17T12:31:00.000-07:00

Today, Mr. Lust and I woke up at 6:30am by ourselves.
We laid next to each other and talked for a few minutes and then I asked him if he wanted me to make coffee.
He suddenly tensed all over.
I looked over at him to see what the matter was and he was intently staring at the door.
"Someone is in the house," he said.
Before I could say anything, I heard a creak in the stairway outside our bedroom.
"Oh my God," was all I could say, suddenly panicky and very aware that he and I were naked.
There was nothing for a full minute, because Mr. Lust had time to put on his shorts, before his little brother said, "Are you awake?"
Even though the idea of some stranger seeing me naked while trying to rob me was bad, Mr. Lust's little brother seeing me naked was worse.
Mr. Lust looked as if he was going to pound his little brother's face in.
"DEVIN?!?" was what he screamed when he took off for the stairs.
There was some yelling downstairs, and then Mr. Lust stormed back upstairs.
He flung himself down on our bed.
I was completely dressed in jeans and everything, but I laid down next to him.
"I hate my family."
"No you don't."
"Yes, I do. I must have been temporarily insane to give my little brother a key."
"He's 15, I don't think he 'understands' the way relationships work and what you do and don't do when your older brother is in a relationship."
"He could have walked in on us naked."
"I know, trust me, I know."
"You should be madder than what you are."
"No harm no foul?"
Mr. Lust just gave me a look.
"What did he want anyway?"
"He wanted me to go running with him and our dad."
"You didn't want too?"
"Not after that little shit gave me a panic attack, I've got my heart rate up enough now."
"Fair enough."

This marks the first occasion where I was semi-supportive of Mr. Lust's family and not telling him that his little brother is a spoiled brat.

I think I'm growing.

********************
Well I think I hate you...
Isn't this fun...
You're gonna shoot...
And I darling loaded the gun.
I think I'm done...
What train did you step off of anyway?
I really don't care...
I'm the luckiest girl...
Gonna lie with you baby...
'Cause there's nowhere else...
...I can lay

I'm never talking to you again.
I'll go join the marines.
And then I will peacefully sail away with some safe magazines.
Did you hear what I say?
You can't fall down the stairs two times the same way...
And I really don't care...
I'm the luckiest girl...
Gonna tell you I love you...
More than anything else...
...I can see

I love this song.

Lazy Sunday....

2008-06-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

My Father's Day Sunday was weird.
It started out as a cookout and water volleyball.
Then I had work.
I was going to change before going to work, but found that I was locked out with no keys.
No idea where my keys are.
I get to work in a bad mood.
It was a wine tasting day.
The owner wanted us to join in.
After an hour of "sipping" wine, I had pink cheeks and I was giggly.
Then ID came in and Magic and St. Pat invited us to a slip and slid party.
Since I was locked out and only had a bathing suit... I thought it was only fate that I go.
They had a ten foot blow up slide in their back yard.
I ended up sliding only once or twice because by the time 10 pm rolled around I was WASTED.
(I had beer at this point too)
I don't remember some of it.
I just remember that Magic was hilarious. My boss/owner of the bar was wearing a speedo.
And ID having a huge red mark down his back from the branch that hit him as he went down the slide.
I also remember saying something to LeggyBlonde that I meant as a nice gesture but in my drunkness I think came across as an asshole remark.
Needless to say, I think I won't get that drunk for a little while.

Remember Matt?

2008-06-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

Some of you will remember my 1.5 years of my "Mr. Big relationship" with Matt, where we broke up twice and he was void of all emotions to me. I replaced the emotional void with sex, and we had a weird relationship of me caring, and when I needed reassurance, we would have sex. Needless to say, after awhile our relationship was just sex on his end, and we soon crumbled.

Matt kind of deals with life as it comes. So if I'm not around, he doesn't deal with me. In fact, even though Mr. Big always called Carrie throughout the seasons, Matt, I knew wouldn't. I figured that once he moved to California, that would be the last I ever saw or heard of Matt.

Imagine my surprise when I got an e-mail from him this morning.
It wasn't long, he basically asked me how I was doing and what I was up too because he hadn't talked to me in awhile. Yes, last time we talked was 9 months ago. I basically had a conversation about how I needed to get the last of my stuff before he moved, and I told him about Mr. Lust and he hung up refusing to give me a time when I could come over, and that was that.
I never got my stuff back.

I sat and stared at the e-mail. "What could have prompted this?" I wondered. After a few minutes I noticed the time stamp, 4:16am.
Drunk e-mails.
It made sense because the only time Matt ever showed emotion was when he was three sheets to the wind. In fact the only 2 times he said, "I love you" were both when he was drunk.
What was I thinking dating him?

I Bedazzled his butt.

2008-06-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

I just heard a guy say that on the phone.

For some reason lately I have many people coming to my blog, reading all my archives, and settling in to come to my blog once a week.
I really don't mind this, but today I decided to click on my archives.

The feeling I got after reading a post about Matt and myself happy, almost made me want to chuck every archive from December back.
I can't believe how much I was in love with him and how obvious it was that he didn't care about me. Maybe it's because Mr. Lust actually cares, and I wasn't use to caring at the time, but I guess I could ignore the blatant cast off that Matt gave me, regardless.
I was so pathetic.
I know they say that hindsight is 20/20 but I was just stupid.
I guess another phrase would be
"Love is blind."

I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;
For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
To see me thus transformed to a boy. - Shakespeare

The Dream

2008-06-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

I was running.
I didn't think I loved him anymore. I was running for that reason.
I slowed down after a minute... "Where was I running too?"
I realized I had no idea to my whereabouts and the answer to that question.
After another minute of walking and what’s when a sleek black car pulled up next to me.
"Do you need a ride?" offered Mr. Lust.
"Yes, thank you!" I said, and wondered how he knew to pick me up here.
I got in the car and I could tell something was wrong with my friend Mr. Lust.
It had just been like old times, us laughing and talking while we were running together.
Except now, we were in a car, Mr. Lust was obviously driving me somewhere and there was a tension in his face.
"Brian has something for you, and it’s in the glove compartment box," he said, obviously not wanting to talk about it.
Confused, I opened the box and found another black velvet box inside; I opened it and saw the most hideous ring ever.
It was gold (I hate gold) and had green leaves around a yellow diamond.
"Yuck," I said, realizing that I had been running from Brian because he wouldn't commit to me after 3 long years together.
"Is he proposing to me?" I asked astonished.
"It would look like it," Mr. Lust said not looking at me, but out the window.
"Why didn't he do it himself," I asked, looking down at the hideous ring.
"I don't know," Mr. Lust said, looking directly at me.
We drove awhile longer, and suddenly Mr. Lust pulled over.
Without saying anything, I threw my arms around him.
He responded and after while, we were both sitting in the backseat panting.
"I guess I'm going to have to say 'No' to Brian's proposal" I said laughing.
"Yea, about that," he said, his face tightening again, "Brian is waiting for you at the church, your wedding is today."
I sat, in shock, for two minutes.
My college friend Annette knocked on the window breaking me from my shocked state.
Luckily the windows were tinted and I quickly got on all my clothes.
I got out of the car and she was dressed in a hideous dress.
"I'm your maid-of-honor!" she said way to excited for Annette, "Your dress is waiting for you at the church but I saw you guys parked up here so I thought maybe you were having last second reservations."
"My dress?" was all I could say.
Annette hoped into the back seat and I into shotgun next to Mr. Lust who looked even more upset.
I walked into the church and there was everyone I knew.
My mom and dad hugged me.
My cousins congratulated me.
My grandparents were crying.

It was overwhelming.

I left the area and ran into Magic and LeggyBlonde who both congratulated me but looked confused on what I was doing. "Where is your ring?" LeggyBlonde asked.
I realized at that point I hadn't even bothered to put it on, but I had managed to hop in the back seat with Mr. Lust.
"I need air" and excused myself from them.
I stood, staring at the wall, at one of the back tables in the church.
A man walked up to me and said, "Jeez, it was a long time getting here! This place is hard to find." I didn't even look at the man who was standing next to me.
"Are you ok?" he asked, concern in his voice.
I turned and found that Dave Foley was the one who couldn't find the church.
"I'm ok," shocked now because I was getting married and Dave Foley was at my wedding.
Dave Foley must have realized I wasn't expecting him because he said, "I'm a long-time friend of Brian's."
"Oh. He didn't mention it," I said, numb, "Where is he?"
"Probably at the front of the church," he said slightly amused by me.
I turned, walked to my parent's table, told them I couldn't go through with it, and went to find Brian.
When I finally saw him, he smiled, waved and disappeared again.
At that moment I saw my bridesmaids, they were all dressed in hideous purple and black gowns, they were all people I didn't know, and they were all African American.
I looked over at Annette, the only white girl, and dressed in a hideous pink and neon green gown and mouthed the words "No way."
I lost it.
I screamed, "I CANNOT DO THIS!!" turned, ran out of the building, crying and right into the arms of Mr. Lust.
"You want me to drive?" he asked.
"Yes, " I choked out before sobbing some more.
I chucked the ring at Brian before we officially peeled out.
"I think I love you Mr. Lust," I said.
"I know I love you QSW," he said.
"You're always trying to one-up me aren't you?" I said smiling.

I woke up, grabbed the water bottle off the table, finished it, turned to Mr. Lust who looked concerned.
"You were tossing and turning in your sleep," he said.
"I'm so glad we aren't married, and I think we need to not watch The Graduate for a long time," I said before laying back down and curling up with him.

"I never know what you are going to say."

In the garden of eden or In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, based on your intoxication level.

2008-06-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

Mr. Lust asked me to move in with him, and here is our garden(s).

Mr. Lust doesn't know how awesome black raspberries are, but thankfully he let me keep the patch that the previous owners started.

Veggie garden!

6 different kinds of peppers, then a basil plant, then cucumber plants.

One end of the rope (you can barely see it in this picture) has Kentucky peas, and the other end has Sugar Peas... Kentucky Sugar peas when they finally grow together.

You know... that line "you say tomato and I say tomato"... doesn't work written.

Butterfly Garden... if you want to know a plant, you'll have to ask, I have a book started so I remember all the names.

Those little things near the base of the pole are Cypress Vines that I started from seed. Surrounded by Cypress Mulch... which I didn't realized until typing this. Cypress is the new Oak.

Pretty roses in the back, butterfly bush in the front, red flower thingys in the middle.

People Watching #1

2008-06-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know if its because summer is finally here or if more people are walking because of gas prices or what, but for some reason I've noticed more people outside than before. Which leads to seeing very interesting characters. Which leads to this post series (How many post series have I started and never followed through on? I think only God knows.)

I was standing waiting on the bus to take me to work. There was a girl I had never seen before standing next to me with her headphones on. She had on huge, plastic, pink sunglasses and she was gently tapping her foot to the beat in her ears. She had on Chuck Taylor shoes, corduroy pants and a meant-to-be-faded t-shirt. She looked like she had just finished with the 1960s and was on her way to the 70's.
Good decade to be in.
Even though I had just glanced at her and I knew I wasn't staring, she took the glance as enough to talk to me, so she said, "Oh shit, the bus is late again."
I had never seen her at this bus stop, so I was surprised to hear that she knew that the 11:50 bus always came at 11:55. "Do you ride this bus often?" I asked, curious. "When the mood strikes me," she said with a lazy smile.

"When the mood strikes me" what an awesome phrase. She was one of those people that you couldn't help but smile back at.

We sat in silence for another 4 minutes until we saw that the bus was about to arrive. As I watched, she went from facing the street to turning on her left heel, placing her right foot near the curb, dramatically shifting all her weight to the right foot while raising her hand. When the bus got a little closer the hand that was raised (almost as if waiting for a teacher to call on her), flicked out a peace sign. The peace sign was held until the bus driver turned on his blinking lights showing he was stopping. After the peace sign fell and she turned towards me. "After you," she said bowing a little and putting an open palm towards the bus. "Oh, by all means," I said making the same gesture with my palm.
She accepted the offer to go first and I got on the bus wondering how one person without saying much, could draw me in so much that I imitated her gestures without even realizing it.

That's what you call a magnetic personality.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!

These are a few of my favorite things...

2008-06-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

My favorite thing to do with my significant other is to sit on his couch and watch him play Xbox.
I pull up the walkthrough and he plays the game.
When he gets stuck I figure out what he needs to do with the walkthrough.
He drinks beer and I drink wine.
We play until 12 am and then we both go to bed.
He pauses the game every once in awhile to kiss me.
I grip his arm every once in awhile when he gets attacked.
We just finished "The Darkness" and we are currently playing "Bioshock."

What do you do with your significant other that you think is different?

I really am curious how other couples spend their week nights or weekends together.

The Weirdos come out on Sunday.

2008-06-01T22:30:00.001-07:00

Or Blog title # 2, The Holy Day is also known as the Horny Day.
Or Blog title # 3, Look asshole, if you stare at me another second I'm getting out the Everclear, spraying it on you, lighting a match, setting you on fire, and hiding the fire extinguisher.

For some reason, whenever I work bar on a Sunday, I have weirdos that come out to say "HI" in a big way. The first time, I had some homeless guy bring in his methed-out girlfriend and was acting odd around everyone. Second time, I had some weird guy hitting on me telling me I should model and then kept asking for "chocolate malt" and when I said we didn't have it, he got upset. The third time, was today when I was bartending.

He started out by sitting down and closing his eyes.
When I asked him what he wanted to drink he told me "beer."
When I asked if he wanted a menu, he said no.

In a even weirder scenario, before he could order a "beer" the girl sitting next to him at the bar gave him her beer. She didn't like it and told him that he could have it.
He accepted and she and her friends left.
More cleared out of the bar.
I found him staring at LeggyBlonde and myself more than I liked.
It was to the point of being uncomfortable.
Not glances.
Not long paused looks.
STARING.
I thought he might be using telekinesis to take off all my clothes he was starting so hard.

Then LB was finishing up her shift when B-rad, his girlfriend, and Magic came in.
They sat at a table next to the bar and LB joined them.
The bar was slow and I was feeling uncomfortable being alone with the staring master so I sat down next to LB for a bit.
The guy turned around in his seat, faced our table and continued to stare.

How comfortable.
LB, Magic, and I on one side being stared at,
B-rad and his girlfriend on the other side, backs to him, oblivious to what is going on.
LB turns to me, "QSW, this guy is really creepy."
I turn to LB, "I really think we should say something."
Magic, not hearing our conversation, "Dude, do you have a problem or something? You are making these girls really uncomfortable."
Me to LB in a hushed tone, "Your boyfriend kicks ass."
Guy who was staring, yelling, "What is your problem!? I wasn't staring! I WAS JUST LOOKING AROUND."
Magic: "Ok, dude, whatever, just stop looking in this direction and everything is cool."
Guy: "I am a deeply religious man and I would never make anyone feel uncomfortable on purpose."
(I bet he's had this same problem before because he had a speech ready when someone finally said something to him.)
Guy: "These ladies don't seem to be uncomfortable."
LB & I: "Yes we are."

That seemed to agitate him even more. He started to get up and realized he still had a beer, so he turned back still muttering something about religion and finished off most of his beer.

Guy: (turning back to us) "I wasn't staring at all, it seems you are the one who has an insecurity issue! I didn't say anything, you are the one that has to point it out."
Magic: "Ok..."
Guy: (getting up) "I'm never coming back in here, you guys don't deserve my business. (more muttering, as he walks out)

Wow.
Such a horrible guy.
Why do they always appear on Sunday?

I hate selfish people.

2008-06-01T15:56:00.001-07:00

Everyone gets a little selfish at times.
We are all human.
You know, taking that last piece of cake without asking.
Waiting to pay someone you owe money too, few days more than you should.
Not calling a friend back because you are "tired" or just don't want to hear your friend tell you for the fifth time that she misses her ex-boyfriend.

Those are all acceptable.

When you don't bother to call someone, because you don't care how they feel but you still call them a friend.
That's the kind of selfish people I hate.

I weep for my children.

2008-05-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

There are some really dumb people in this world.

For instance, I have to take ticket orders and process ticket orders during the summer at one of my jobs. Here are some of the idiots I've dealt with:

Upon opening an envelope and finding a ticket order inside, I quickly scanned the order to make sure the person had included everything they needed.
When I got to the part where it says, "Visa Mastercard or Discover" I saw that they had circled "Discover," that seemed ok, I looked at the number and all the digits were there, when I got to the "Name on the card" the person had written: DISCOVER.

I recieved a call from a secretary trying to place an order and a donation for her boss.
This is not uncommon.
The secretary says to me, "My boss would like to donate 2,500 dollars and not to be named anywhere." I said ok, but then she continued with, "He would also like two season tickets."
"Two season tickets?" I asked baffled, thinking we had 28 shows in our season and most people did not want to see every single show.
"Yes, " she said with the upmost confidence.
"Do you want two tickets to every show?" I asked trying to figure out if that's what she meant.
"No, just the season show."
"We have 28 shows..."
"That many?"
"Yes, do you have the order form in front of you?"
"Yep! Right here!"
(That truely baffled me because the order form has no area for "season tickets" and lists out our 28 shows)
"Ok, you see all the shows off to right?"
"Yes.."
"We offer all of those this season."
"Oh."
"Do you know what you want of those?"
"Just put down two of each."
(Thinking, WOW, thats a lot of money to get two of each.)
"Ok, are you paying with credit card?"
"Yes, 2500 dollars."
"That's what you are donating?"
"Yes."
"And do you want to pay for the tickets the same way?"
"We have to pay for the tickets?"
"Um... yes."
"Oh."
(pause)
"Do you want to talk to your boss first before you place this order?"
"Yea, that's probably a good idea."
"Ok, thanks for calling, Bye now."

I recieved a call that asked for Amanda. I told the woman that Amanda was busy. She then asked for Kendall. I transfered her to Kendall but Kendall wasn't in her office. Since Kendall and Amanda both deal with the "friends" aka "donors" I knew it had something to do with that. She called back a few minutes later.
"Kendall wasn't there," she told me accusingly.
"Oh I'm sorry," not letting her accusing voice get to me and keeping my voice light and airy.
"Is she in the office?" she asked even angrier.
"Her dot hasn't been moved to away, so I assume she's still here." I said, still in my sing-song voice.
"Where at then!?" she said, even more angrier if that is possible.
"I don't know, it doesn't say," now finding the anger amusing because she clearly is trying to sound angry enough to get me to get up and look for Kendall.
She doesn't know that I've worked here for 4 years and this woman's caller ID clearly tells me that she's not one of Kendall's corporate people where I would get up and look for her.
"Well, see if you can go find her," she told me.
I tried not laughing out loud. The balls on this woman were tremendous.
"Well, I can put you on hold and she if she walks by here, but I have too much to do to go hunting for her," I said.
This was sort of a lie and sort of a truth.
I did have a lot to do and I had to get it done today, but our office holds 12 people, it would have taken me the total of 5 minutes to look for her. If this lady had been one of Kendall's "people" she would have known this.
"Well all I'm trying to do is to find out if I've donated this year or not!" she said, completely exasperated.
"Oh, why didn't you say so!" I said cheerfully.
(I put her on hold for 57 seconds)
"You are due to donate in June, because the last time you donated was June 14th of last year."
"Thank you," she said, and immediately hung up.

I feel like joining Project Mayhem next door some days.

Gripe.

2008-05-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

1. Informal To complain naggingly or petulantly; grumble.
2. To have sharp pains in the bowels.

I don't think a lot of people realize that when they say "gripe" its an "informal" term they use. The formal definition of the word is sharp pains in the bowels.

aka.

gas.

This weekend I have had my fill of gas.
From Mr. Lust.
From his little brother.
From his father.
From a can that fed the grill.
From the oven as it burned.
From everything.

and also...

Project Mayhem next door is really getting crazy.
They have turned a truck into a slide that says "No god, No Masters"
and they have created a wicker man to guard their lawn.

2008-05-22T12:15:00.001-07:00

Poor baby alligator, died from water toxins.
So let me first say:
If you don't smoke you are highly intelligent.
If you did, and you don't now, you are awesome and are now intelligent.
If you do, you are retarded and should become intelligent by quitting.

That being said, I hate people who are so against smoking that they are blind by anything else. Too much of a bad or good thing is always bad.
EXTREME measures are wrong.

Look how many people have died for religion? Isn't religion suppose to be a good idea? Make you do right instead of wrong?

I was told recently that there was gun powder in cigarette paper. I thought it was an urban myth, so I looked it up. Sure enough, there are rings around the cigarette paper that are actually watermarks to keep the cigarette burning evenly.
Below that answer to my question was a comment from a nasty person who basically had a breakdown because someone said a dirty word, "cigarette" and decided to open up her bible on all cigarette "facts" and write them in the comment section for anyone to read.
I had to laugh when I read to what was toxic in cigarettes. While I agree that cigarettes are bad and they are toxic, there was no need to go this far:

ARSENIC: used in rat poison
ACEIIC ACID: hair dye and developer
ACETONE: main ingredient in paint fingernail polish remover
AMMONIA: a typical household cleaner
BENZENE: rubber cement
CADMIUM: found in batteries and artists' oil paint
CARBON MONOXIDE: poison
FORMALDEHYDE: used to embalm dead bodies
HYDRAZINE: used in jet and rocket fuels
HYDROGEN CYANIDE: poison in gas chambers
NAPHALENES: Used in explosives, mothballs, and paint pigments
NICKEL: used in the process of electroplating
PHENOL: used in disinfectants and plastics
STYRENE: found in insulation material
TULUENE: embalmers glue
VINYL CHLORIDE: ingredient found in garbage bags

Ok, so she lists the toxins and where they are found in our lives. Fine. Probably all trace amounts but that fact was left out because it doesn't lend itself to good story telling. This person reminds me of news anchors when they say, "Three dangerous, Latino thugs robbed a story on Wednesday night..." meanwhile old ladies at home are pulling out their Glocks at any sign of anything Latino.
Its all a matter of how you put the spin on it.
Here is another list:

Anti-hypertensives - drugs to treat high blood pressure
antibiotics - drugs to treat infection
caffeine - Found in coffee, soda, etc.
nicotine - Found in cigarettes
Chlorine - chemical
PVC (polyvinyl chloride)- plastic softener
arsenic - poison
Tri-halomethanes - refrigerants

Guess where these are found?
WATER!!!!
Most of them are found in bottled water... betcha didn't know that! Yet you still sit there and drink arsenic every day.
Shame on you!

And here is a quote I found about Phoenix's drinking water:
"The most consistent finding has been an increase in bladder cancer, Sharp said, "and increased incidence of miscarriage after the women were exposed for one trimester of pregnancy."

After drinking the tap water.... (does this remind you of Erin Brockivich?)

Where is the support group on water? I know where the one is if I want to quit smoking, what happens if I want to quit water?

I guess the point of this post is, sometimes... just chill out, most people who smoke know its bad for them, most don't care. Some day, they'll wake up and realize it, or someday they'll die of cancer. Why not instead worry about something else ... like... what you are drinking?

Tonight (part two, but part one you didn't see)

2008-05-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

Smoking, drinking, and playing video games where the main character kills people then eats their hearts, is probably the most relaxing thing you can do.

That is, if you are me and Mr. Lust.

Its so perfect for us to relax with.

2008-05-15T12:33:00.000-07:00

Ugh to me for using a dizzyingly display of past and present verbs in the same sentence.

Wow, aren't you the spoiled rotten brat...

2008-05-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

So Mr. Lust's parents went on vacation. A ten day cruise.
That means Mr. Lust's little brother and little sister came to stay with him in his house, with me.
When I say "little" I mean a 20 year old girl and a 15 year old boy.
Both of them are spoiled rotten.
Mr. Lust apparently didn't get the "spoiled rotten brat" part because when he was little his parents were complete workaholics and barely had any time for him. Because of this Mr. Lust had some behavioral problems like throwing assholes through windows and spray painting cars to get attention.
He's past those days and hasn't had a problem since he was 22. At 22 he started working for his mother and father and was suddenly given a lot of respect, so he calmed down.

Its amazing how kids behave when you just listen to them.

In his parent's head, I'm somehow responsible for Mr. Lust calming down. Even though I didn't start dating him until he was 25.
Whatever.

When Lil' Sis and Lil' Bro came along the parents saw the error in their ways with Mr. Lust and created two monsters who got whatever they wanted.

Examples:

Lil' Bro was thirsty and we were in the car. I came back from inside the gas station with two Vitamin waters, one for now and one for when I was at work. He assumed I got one for him, even though I set them both at my feet. Mr. Lust called me over to the gas pump to ask me something and while I was there, Lil' Bro picked up one and started drinking it. Didn't ask. Didn't say thank you. Didn't acknowledge me.

Lil' Sis was still at the house when I was getting ready for work this morning. I came down to collect some things and when I got back upstairs I realized that she was in my and Mr. Lust's room. I was shocked for a second, thinking I wouldn't want to go into my brothers/girlfriend's room. Not only did she want to go into the room, she was getting read to take a shower in our master bath. Apparently she didn't like the bathroom downstairs, next to her room, and decided the shampoo/conditioner/soap/bathroom was much better upstairs. In other words, she liked my shampoo/conditioner/soap and the upstairs bathroom was bigger.
Didn't ask. Didn't say thanks. Didn't really acknowledge me.

I told Mr. Lust that I'd like to make the four of us dinner. Breakfast for dinner. Pancakes, Bacon/Sausage, and eggs. Lil' Bro heard that and said "That's gay, breakfast for dinner." Lil' Sis heard that and said, "Oh, I don't want pancakes I'm watching my figure." Later she didn't hesitate to polish off all the Häagen-Dazs ice cream in the freezer and after she was done with it, complained that she really didn't like it after all.

I look at Mr. Lust and his older sister. I like them so much. Neither one of them is disrespectful. Neither one has issues sharing. They both ask for things. They both have manners. They are such opposites of these little piss ants.

In Tyler we trust.

2008-05-06T12:25:00.000-07:00

Saturday: 3pm to 5am Bartending
Sunday: 10am to 10pm Gardening.
Monday: 9am to 5pm One job, 6pm to 4am Other job.
Tuesday: 9am to 5pm, job.
It's currently 3:30pm on Tuesday.
I've started noticing a lot of random bruises on my legs and arms.
I don't remember getting them.
I have wads of cash in my purse that I don't remember getting.
I checked my bank account yesterday and its 300 dollars more than what I thought it was
I suddenly panicked earlier today that I didn't even wish Mr. Lust "Happy Birthday. " I called him and he informed me that yesterday I had sent 4 text messages and called him to tell him "Happy Birthday."
I picked up a box an hour ago assuming that it was heavy, lifted hard and managed to make myself fall backwards throwing the contents of the box everywhere.
My co-worker said it was better than watching the Three Stooges.
And two minutes ago as I was staring at lines of CSS/DIV code there was a sudden flash and I swear Tyler Durden blinked in my eye sight for a half of second.
I stared at my computer screen.
I stared so hard at it that my boss (alarmed) said, "QSW! Are you ok? You are very pale."

Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but I think I might be losing it.

Indiana weather

2008-05-02T07:16:00.000-07:00

Indiana weather is some of the craziness I've seen.
We normally don't have earthquakes, tornados, or gale force winds... wait.. yes we do
Ok, We normally don't have tsunamis or hurricanes.

That's better.

Thats not the crazy part. The crazy part is the time between April and June and September and November. Those periods, known as Spring and Fall are the crazy times in Indiana.
I remember in high school waking up and turning on the car in the morning so it would defrost. In the afternoon when I got out, I had the AC on full blast.

Today I got up, and it was warm and sunny. By noon it was raining hard. When I got off at 2pm, it was cool and damp.
I wonder what it will be when I got back to work at 5pm.
I'll probably need a down-filled jacket.

I can't wait for June.

Oh... she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes...

2008-04-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

Today Hilary Clinton is going to speak to the citizens of Lafayette.
She has a platform being built for her as I write this.
Its not even a half a block away from where I'm currently working.
She's going to speak on how Indiana needs jobs.
Because she's speaking today and the street is blocked off.
Therefore no one is coming into the Black Sparrow for lunch because they assume we are closed.
And I don't get money when there is no one here so I'm out of a job for the day.

What's the definition of irony?

Maybe its time for a career change...

2008-04-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

I'm considering getting a new job.
Maybe move to Chumley's pub because that is where all the bad servers are, and I am obviously a bad server.
I applied to Starbucks this morning, since they were hiring.
I'm just so miserable right now, it was pointed out to me how badly I was doing my job last night.
I don't think I'm cut out to be a server. I have no idea what I'm going to do on Saturday since I'm bartending. If I can't serve properly, I definitely won't be able to bartend.
One person has made me feel a little better and that's Amanda, who is a server.
She sent me an e-mail that said:

If he apologized, he probably feels bad about snapping and won't be mean about you. I totally understand how you feel, its the way things work at bars. Guys get away with being wasted or assholes and everyone thinks its funny, but if you're ever shitty to someone everyone dislikes for a good reason, or lag a little then you're the bitch who won't/can't do her job. I would bet you still have a job, he doesn't seem like he's a huge prick.

I hope she is right. Up until last night I was really happy with serving/bartending.

You are what you eat.*

2008-04-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

Last night there was a discussion about how we all have a little Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in us.
LeggyBlonde said that sometimes she counts her steps without even realizing it.
A bar regular said that he refuses to step on cracks in side walks.
A local lawyer said that she counted her M&Ms and ate them in a particular fashion.
Everyone agreed that they did the same with their M&Ms.

Is there anyone who just grabs a handful of M&Ms and eats them or do we all refuse to eat them as a singular candy?

I think sometimes that our actions translate into who we are in the dating world. My friend Cyra in the 11th grade would only date men who were taller than her and had dark hair. How can you exclude all short red and blonde men without even knowing them? She, after seeing the movie Wedding Planner, would only eat the dark M&Ms out of the package.
I like to eat M&Ms by twos and in color order from my least favorite color to the best. There are exceptions to those rules, like say I had three red M&Ms, I would skip the "by two" rule and eat all three at once.
My dating life has been a regular Noah's ark. I have dated two Daniels, two Jasons, and three Matts. One of those Matts real name was Joe. So in reality, I've dated two Joes as well. I also dated a Jamison, but another one of the Matts I dated had a middle name of Jamison.
The only odd one, I've only dated one Nishant, but sometimes you only get one color M&M in a package. At least, I'm still saving the best for last?

Maybe I should stop eating them by twos and enjoy life (and the package of M&Ms) as a whole.

*would that make gay men "dicks" and straight men "pussies"?

Project Mayhem

2008-04-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

Mr. Lust lives next to Project Mayhem.
Yesterday he and I watched an army of 10 make the back and front yard next door look pretty. One was mowing, one was tilling, one was planting .. something, one was building a compost box, one was painting, one was trimming trees, one was fixing a car, one was digging.. something, one was taking down an old play set, and one was overseeing everything and doing a little of everything.

It was kind of creepy.

I'm not sure what they are growing and I have no idea why or how 10 people live in that house. The house is old and decrepit and looks like no one could live in it, let alone, ten.
Plus, the main leader is actually an old friend of Matt's. Kind of weird. I've heard many stories about him and how he likes to start things... like he held a fasting on campus for third world countries that turned into a somewhat violent protest, making that house even more like Project Mayhem.

Maybe people shouldn't take movies so seriously... if I see people fighting in the back yard, I'm calling the cops.

If they don't come, then it will be a real life Fight Club story.

Ski School Stacey... sounds like a porn title.

2008-04-25T10:53:00.001-07:00

I use to be a ski instructor way back in the day.
Our name tags read: Ski School {Name}.
I made the comment that it sounded like a porn title. I was 16 at the time and I think I caught a lot of people off guard with that comment. For weeks we'd giggle when someone would look at our name tag.

Now I'm Bartender QSW.

In an exciting minute I went from doing one or two bartending shifts on a Sunday (dead time) evening, to bartending on a Saturday (crazy busy) night.
A little bit of that "whoa" feeling you get when you drop down that first hill on a rollcoaster.

Yet, thrilling all the same.

Apparently, my boss feels I'm ready. I'll be working right along side him as well. Luckily, LeggyBlonde will be working behind the bar with me and I'll have someone to say, "It's ok that this is the 19th glass you've broken, I'm sure Magic has still broken more than you, just maybe not in the same night.
At least, thats what I believe she will say.

In other news I got my hair cut.

I went shorter than usual and I think it turned out amazing.
Phillip the hair dresser is one of the most amazing hair styliest I've ever met. I have volume to my hair. He doesn't use a razor to cut it. He doesn't make my scalp burn. And at the end of the hair cut, he said, "You could probably just use this one product to make your hair look really good."

One product.

Not fifteen.

And he was right.

That stuff is amazing. So little is used each time as well. I love Aveda. I love Phillip. I love my hair.

The end.

2008-04-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

Today, I realize how satisfied I was with my Sparrow job, and how dissatisfied with my other job.

I think I need a new day job.

So as I was telling this to Mr. Lust I explained that while I was good at being a waitress, I didn't really think of it as a long term job... but now with my other job being dickheads, it was my main job, and that made me scared.

Mr. Lust: Well, you're so beautiful you could be a waitress.
QSW: I am.
Mr. Lust: You're so beautiful you could be an air hostess.
QSW: I would think that that would piss you off if I was gone for weeks at a time.
Mr. Lust: You could be a part-time model.
QSW: Jesus Christ.
Mr. Lust: Lets go to my house we could feel each other up on the couch, oh no, I don't mind taking it slow oh oh, no oh oh
QSW: You can stop singing.
Mr. Lust: Cause you're so beautiful, you could be a tree.
QSW: I'm leaving.

While it wasn't helpful for finding a job, it was humorous.

Here is the whole song.

The door to life.

2008-04-20T22:19:00.001-07:00

It is human nature to close the door when they are going to the bathroom.
It doesn't matter if they are alone.
It doesn't matter if its two in the morning and everyone is asleep.
It doesn't matter if you've been married for 30 years and have seen your significant other naked 1,000's of times and they are the only one that could possibly see you.
You just close the door.

Mr. Lust's master room's bath has no door.
Not only that.
The whole bathroom is carpeted.
It kind of freaks me out every time I go to the bathroom.

Some people I know are ok with peeing or whatever in front of their friends.
I'm not.
Some girls I know go to the bathroom in three's or four's.
I have always preferred one's.

Just now, it's 1:30am in the morning, and I went all the way downstairs just so I could go to the bathroom before sleeping for the night.
Because the downstairs bathroom has a door.
The downstairs bathroom is the size of a closet, but that doesn't matter, it has a door.

And that's all I have to say about that. (Forrest Gump)

Oh Frac Me

2008-04-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a panic attack.
Mothers can do that to Daughters.

I worked the rest of the evening though, I didn't feel too bad.

Today, I feel it though. I feel tired, I feel weary, and I feel like I would like to go home.

Of course, I work.
Of course, its my second night shift at bartending.

I wouldn't even fuck you for practice.

2008-04-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

For some reason, "myspace.com" has become the "high school reunion for QSW."
I added one friend who I actually was friends with in high school and suddenly everyone from my graduating class is adding me left and right.

Let me just say, I had 3 friends in high school. 2 of those "friends" weren't more than people I ate lunch with, 1 of those friends was the only person I confided in and talked to outside of school. I hated most of the people I went to high school with. I was always the person saying "I want to get the fuck out of this town" while the rest of them were saying "I can't wait to get married and have babies."

It fucked with my head after awhile.

Especially since my very first boyfriend( at 16), actually was married (I had no idea) with a kid (I did know that). He was 19. He brutally raped me in the back seat of my own car (sorry to be frank, it happened almost a decade ago). Later he brutally raped another girl (and tried to kill her) who was smart enough to get away and drive herself to the hospital for a rape test, then called the police who took pictures of the bruises all over her body, and then she prosecuted him.

Meanwhile my second boyfriend (at 18) I found cheating on me. I broke up with him and a week later he got high/drunk and drove himself and his new girlfriend off of a small cliff. She died, he lived. He got charged with manslaughter.
So while most of my high school were getting married and starting families, my only two ex-boyfriends were being put into jail.
If that doesn't fuck with your head, I don't know what will.

This is turning into some kind of a pity post, and I'm sorry, I'm only trying to make a point. What is the point? Good point.

So back to the original subject matter of this post. I spent today looking at 10 - 12 myspace.com profiles. All of them were the "popular" girls and boys of my high school graduating class. All of them were either married or divorced. All but one had kids. 6 of the profiles I looked at were pregnant women.
ALL OF THEM WERE FAT.
Seriously, I'm in a size two and I eat sugar as part of my every day diet.
How do these people get so fat?
Also, I work in a bar and I drink beer almost every shift I work.
How in the world did these people get fat?
These people were the slim, perfect-looking cheerleaders and basketball starters of my high school. They put me down when they found out about my ex-boyfriends. They made fun of me when I had a zit. They thought I was so odd when I said I didn't want to get married. They did mean things to me, they said mean things, they wanted to hurt me.
Now, I realize why.
I don't want to sound like I have a big ego, but what the heck, they were jealous of me.
I'm free in ways that they never could be.

I remember when I got my acceptance letter to Purdue and I ran to tell Cyra (my only true friend) who was with some other girls. A popular girl Jennifer, scoffed at me. "You? You got into Purdue? What are you a lesbian?"
I'm not quite sure how homosexuality and getting a degree have to do with each other, but I'm pretty sure now it was jealously that prompted that statement. Jennifer is now 50 pounds overweight and has two little boys from two different daddies. (pictured off to the left, she use to be the same size as me)

I remember when I had been dating my second boyfriend for a year (before I found out about the cheating) and a popular girl Carmen asked if I was going to get married to him. I answered no, because I didn't want to get married before the age of 25 (which is scary now being 25) and she looked at me as if I suddenly broke out with a weird fungus all over my face. "You don't want to get married?" she asked. "No, I don't, I'm going to college in the fall and I don't want to be with a husband during that time." She replied, "Oh my god, you won't even make it a year at Purdue before you quit, you might as well marry him so you don't lose him."
I guess smart girls are scary to men, and she was worried that I'd be alone the rest of my life after I got that year of extra schooling. She gained only a little weight but is divorced from her second husband. (pictured to the left, she use to not have the weird side-face thingy)

These are only two examples of some of the people from then until now. I think I might go to my 10 year high school reunion just to spit in their faces.

Actually, come to think of it, I doubt I'll even get an invitation.

Things you don't say...

2008-04-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

Amanda: Oh my gosh, sometime I want to come over here when it's raining and sit on the front porch and watch virgin suicides.
QSW: Virgin suicides?
Amanda: Yea, its a movie.
QSW: oh.
Amanda: what?
QSW: I thought for some reason when it rains we have virgins commiting suicide on our front lawn and you wanted to come over to our porch and watch them.
ID & Amanda: What?!
(giggling laughter for 6 minutes)
QSW: (mumbles) well that's a relief.
ID: What did you say?
QSW: Meow.
ID: Did you just meow?
Amanda: No she didn't... meow.
ID: What?
(uncontrolled laughter for 8 minutes)
Amanda: can we put on some oldies while the cookies are visiting the oven?
ID: visiting?
QSW: Before they GET IN MY BELLY!
(uncontrolled laughter for 10 minutes)

Can you guess what we were doing?

Ignorance is bliss.

2008-04-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

I know people talk about me.
It's not because someone told me that.... it's because of intuition.
I know how my friends talk about other people, and I can only imagine how they talk about me.
In turn, I talk about them, and so on and so forth.
It doesn't make me mad or unhappy, it's just a fact of life. If you do something worth talking about... then people will talk about it.
Good or bad.
Bad or good.
And always, especially after drinking alcohol.

One of the people I work with whom I believe to talk about me a lot (and not in a good way) is the owner of the pub (we will call him "TO" for now or "The Owner"). Part of me thinks that he purposely hired on NI (as door man, did I make a post about this?) just for entertainment purposes so that he could hear the stories later about how I was upset that NI was behind the server station, and how NI did this... etc. Respect remains for TO on how he can run a business and pick out art, but it lacks in the humanity category.

Last night I was in a lot of pain.
My foot swelled up and had a huge bruise on the bottom of it. Monday's are usually slow, so it wasn't bad waitressing, but by hour 4, I was starting to ache again (meds wearing off I suppose). Mr. Lust offered to come in and show emotional support, and I agreed. He came in at 10:30pm and I talked to him in between the times I was walking to tables. At 10:45pm TO walked in and after a few minutes, decided to introduce himself to Mr. Lust. I didn't say anything when TO said, "Wow, your girlfriend is bad at introducing you to people."
I didn't introduce the two of them because TO would only use it as an opportunity for new material to make fun of. Since when I first met Mr. Lust I HATED him, I can't even imagine what TO would find to make fun of.
Because of my hatred turning into like and then later love, I feel incredibly protective towards Mr. Lust, I knew TO wouldn't take the time to get to know him, and that would leave Mr Lust open to ridicule (I'm pretty sure he's already ridiculed him but he had no material to work from, just what people say about Mr. Lust).
There was nothing I could do though.
I had tables to wait on, and I had to leave the two of them alone together.
I have no idea what was said, I have to just wait for someone to slip up (when they're drunk) and clue me in on what the joke of the week is.
And someone ALWAYS slips up.

My apologies

2008-04-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

My apologies to the early morning penii below, plus, not having any vagina posted with it (to be fair, I tried, i could only find drunk pictures of Hermionie).

No more Harry Potter penis if you stop scrolling now.

I realized I was old when I was thinking of telling some youngsters "Get up! Put on some bigger pants, get a job, join the army!"

2008-04-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

A regular at the Black Sparrow said that to me when I was bartender the other day.
He's only 30, and far from old. He doesn't even have kids or a wife yet.
But today, I understood what he meant.

Mr. Lust and I took the day off together. I called into my job and he called into his job on Wednesday and the plan was to do yard work all day on Thursday.
Typical to Murphy's Law, it rained all day.
We got up at 10, went downstairs made some coffee, walked out to his sunroom and admired... the wetness. There had to be a change of plans. We briefly talked about going into work for half days since our yardwork wouldn't be happening, then we decided to buy things instead.
We spend 409.00 dollars at Menards.
We got the following:
1 lawn mower
2 rose plants
1 shovel
2 pairs of gloves
1 bag of soil
1 bag of fertilizer
1 hedge trimmer
1 extension cord
and
2 pots

Then we came back, and decided that a home cooked dinner would be good. Away we went to the store again.
We bought:
1 whole chicken
1 bag of salad
1 tub of cottage cheese
1 bag of brown sugar
1 bag of flour
1 bottle of wine
6 pack of beer
1 bag of chocolate chips
1 dozen eggs

3 hours later Mr. Lust and I were sitting in front of a home cooked chicken dinner with salad and cottage cheese and home made brownies for dessert.
We had rented the 5th Harry Potter movie and shared beer/wine over it and then called it an early night.

We ignored the calls to go to the "Neon Cactus" campus' premier dance club where people dance like they are having sex on the dance floor and bartenders give you 32 oz of the worst alcohol you will ever drink.

Here is a present for the females on this blog:

This is what I looked up after watching the Harry Potter movie.

Pretty

2008-04-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

I don't have any inspiration.

2008-04-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

After spending 30 minutes on the Florida website looking over beach after beach.

I realized two things:

One) I want summer to be here really badly.
Two) I need a vacation and I'm pretty sure I need it to be on the beach.

Anyone out there have any suggestions?

Dear pompous, old windbags,

2008-04-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am writing you this letter to inform you that tipping 4 dollars on a 44 dollar tab is not acceptable. Especially when you state, prior to tipping, that you normally tip one dollar per drink. I served you 8 drinks. I also don't appreciate you telling me how you tip less in the winter and more in the summer, does the service lack in the winter? Is it not summer yet? What about spring and fall? Apparently there are seasons where you barely tip at all.
Your daughter was lovely though. She tipped me 1.25 per beer and when she ordered shots she tipped me 6 dollars on a 30 dollar shot tab. Plus, she bought me a shot as well. Your daughter is amazing, I'm not sure how she came from you.
My friend once said, "I pay for everything with cash when I get it, and then I don't tip until the end of the night. I like to just leave a stack cash on the table when I leave." I had to knock him in the head because obviously he wasn't thinking clearly. After he got up from the ground, he promised me he'd tip 20% every time he got a drink or he'd start a tab and pay AND tip at the end of the night.
May I do that to you? I think it might clear your head and make you understand how the world works according to Quietly Sipping Wine. At least, that's what I hear my punching in the head does for people. Call it a religious experience you'll never forget.
Please see me soon at the bar and let me know what you think.
Sincerely,
Quietly Sipping Wine

Ps. You have a lazy eye that always seems to be looking at my right breast. It creeps me out. Please, my punch can fix that too.

Sinnerman

2008-04-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest fucktards (NI) I know came into the bar when I was working.
I was almost alone at this bar.
Fergus was in the back cooking, and then there was me.
That's it.
This is the same guy who hit on me and told me he "wanted to put his semen inside me."
(If you've been following this blog, then you already know)
He and his buddy walked in, and I almost walked out.
Shit.
They behaved. For the most part.
Every time NI went to the bathroom D-bag would say "Sorry about the other night, we were so drunk."

"Dude, my problem, strangely, is not with you, stop talking to me!" (what I wanted to scream). I had a lot of those "If only I could say what I'm thinking..." moments yesterday.

So I sat there, suffered their small talk, wondered if they'd leave soon... when in walks...

... NI's girlfriend.

haha.
haha.
haha.
haha.

I got such sweet pleasure of hearing her say "Um, don't you think you've had enough beer?" or "Seriously, you are in here every day! Try drinking at home!"
He kept glancing at me.
Seriously.
What?
"STOP LOOKING AT ME ASSHOLE! I AM GLAD SHE'S HERE AND GIVING YOU A HARD TIME!" (another one of those moments)

On the third glance I walked over to the Ipod, and played Nina Simone's Sinnerman.
I sang the lyrics to myself and it made me feel so much better.

"Sinnerman where you gunna run to
Sinnerman where you gunna run to
Where you gunna run to
All on that day

Well I run to the rock
Please hide me I run to the rock
Please hide me I run to the rock
Please hide me lord
All on that day

Well the rock cried out
I cant hide you the rock cried out
I cant hide you the rock cried out
I aint gunna hide you god
All on that day

I said rock whats a matter with you rock
Dont you see I need you rock
Dont let down
All on that day"

This bar isn't going to hide you sinnerman.

Life would be easier if you could just pee on it.

2008-04-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

So I wrote a post about how I was pregnant.
Ruby commented for the first time here and then I decided not to post it after all.
One: It was just an April Fool's joke.
Two: In case someone from my work place came here and took it seriously, I'd be in trouble because of,
Three: I work in a bar and I want to drink there tonight, and if they don't serve me because I'm pregnant (or worse a reverse April Fool's joke) then I'll be very upset.

So I decided it wasn't that funny, in fact, its going to be saved for a Halloween joke instead.

Last night I went to Insomnia cookies and bought a dozen.
They were so good that I'm fighting all urges to go back today and buy another dozen.
Magic and I ate probably 10 of them just between the two of us and we had a little help from the bar customers and bar regulars.*

I was cut (or asked to be cut) at 9:30 because the bar was so dead. I left at 10:30 and it had picked up 2 customers. Tips equaled: 15 dollars.

One of the bright moments was Amanda coming in to talk to me. She first apologized for ditching me Saturday night.
"QSW, I'm so sorry for leaving you alone on Saturday!"
"What?"
"When I left you and didn't tell you I was leaving."
"I left first."
"You did?"
(Magic laughed)
"Yes, we hugged each other goodbye, you made me pinky swear that I'd move to Chicago with you and then you told me you love me."
"Oh shit, I do love you though."
(I laugh) "I love you too, and I'm not mad at you since you didn't ditch me!"
"I almost went home with Eric."
"What? (this is guy #2 who she liked but I didn't talk about)"
"We made out."
"Oh my, what happened?"
"I said lets do it and he said no."
"Really?"
"Yea, he's friends with Aaron."
"Oh."

Aaron is the boy that Amanda lives with and most people assume that she'll end up with him one day, even though while she was dating him she caught him with another woman in their apartment.

We chatted a bit longer before we had to go. We promised to meet up tonight and have a few drinks. I cannot wait. :)

*bar customers are people who come in once in a while. bar regulars are people we (as in the whole bar) know the names of and what they do, where they live, how they interact, etc. They usually come in AT LEAST once a week.

This is sort of like a Rorschach inkblot.

2008-03-31T12:41:00.001-07:00

I provide the picture:

You provide the caption. (you have to comment for this)

Most video tapes were damaged in 2047 during the second coming of Jesus.

2008-03-30T16:31:00.000-07:00

When it comes to reading other people I think most people take for granted on where people's hands are placed.
Hands are two of the most important things when reading what other people are feeling.
When you think about it, a hand can hurt, it can heal, it can feed you, and it can starve you.
By simply holding up your hand you can tell someone you don't want to be talked too. If you hold your hand up and take away four fingers someone knows you are pissed at them.
Its an instant reaction to the rest of your body if your hands get near something hot, or cold. They warn you whats coming when you are in complete darkness. They get out smudges on shirts, dirt on window ledges, and crust on your eye, because you know, you can always wash them later and they'll be as good as new. They are universal tools.

I went out to the bars on Saturday night.
I was in a wine mood but I went to a bar with Amanda who doesn't usually like to "sit and watch" people but be flirtatious and wild with everyone. She had 7 or 8 people who "I had to become friends with immediately" and I found myself being forced into social butterfly-ness.
It was fine, I ended up talking to a regular from the Black Sparrow for the most part. At least, until Amanda came up to me and said, "Aw, you two make the cutest couple!"
This was done for two reasons:
One, I'm pretty sure that Amanda does have a crush on him.
Two, Amanda is one of the biggest advocate of "QSW should break up once and for all with Mr. Lust."
Tie the two together, it's only natural that she would say something that would end our conversation and make me move to a different table. The situation ended up with me at one table and Amanda at a different table.
Instead of sipping wine and watching people.
I was sipping Bud Light and watching Amanda.
The way Amanda holds herself says everything about the way she likes or dislikes you.
Her hands are the key.
Every single guy walking out of Hunter's Pub Saturday night probably thought Amanda had a crush on them. In reality, probably two of them were right.
She would whisper in their ears, put her arms around them, hug them, kiss them on the cheek, but she only liked two.
When Amanda was talking with Bachelor #1 she had his complete attention. She was faced forward to him, her body twisted towards him which made her boobs look huge and her waist small, her legs crossed and half way under the table making them appear longer than what they were, but her hand... it was placed as far away as possible from her. It was a trap, waiting for a possible victim, so she could get away from the man she obviously didn't want to talk too.
Well, obvious to me anyway.
There was a shuffling of tables soon after and someone on the bench that Amanda was sitting on, scooted towards her. I watched, and sure enough he sat on her hand.
Immediate apologies happened on both sides, and wham, Amanda had turn towards Bachelor #2 and had her arm hooked inside his in a matter of moments. Her hand on his shoulder, her other hand on his leg. Annnnnd ...Bachelor #1 had noticed his drink for the first time in a half hour.
I watched her as she got all of #2's undivided attention and then suddenly #2 was buying her a shot. After the shot was bought and drank, there was visibly a gap between the two of them, her hand placed away from herself again and you could see #2 trying to fill it by leaning in closer.
No use, she excused herself to the bathroom.
I got a phone call and didn't see what she did for a bit.
When I turned back to the table, she was sitting by the regular I had been talking to earlier. I had my suspicions that she liked him and she proved me right. She had placed one hand on the table, and one behind his neck and she was leaning in close to him. When she leaned in her boobs were on display and she didn't even need a waist or legs at that point. When I glanced back later, she had managed to throw one of her legs over his lap as almost an anchor to hold him there, and she had just bought him a drink.
#3 was totally winning for the affection of Amanda.
I got tied up in a conversation with a guy I had no desire to talk too, so I tried Amanda's method. One hand, far away.
Not only did I have a shot bought for me, but right afterwards, someone sat on my hand.
Problem was I didn't want to talk to that person either.
On Quietly Sipping Wine nights, a rowdy bar isn't the place for it. Especially when you are sitting at a table(s) with mostly men.
At least this one was cuter.
Amanda showed up out of nowhere.
"Are you talking to my George?" she asked.
She had one hand placed on his chest and the other one wrapped around the back of his head and on his cheek. I looked and #3 was gone, either home or bathroom.
I smiled and said, "I had no idea he was a taken man, my apologies."
She smiled back, genuine, and said, "For you, I guess I can share."
A smart man would have leaned back and said "Isn't that sweet?" or "Can't I make a decision myself?" George was very naive though.
George, which isn't his real name, placed an arm around Amanda and the back of my chair and said, "At the same time?"
Yuck.
Amanda's smile was unfaltering but the quick glance at me said it all, "What a creep."
That's when she decided to make him pay.
In shots.
"Oh George, QSW and I don't do threesomes, it's against our religion!" she said, with another quick glance at me that said, "Play along."
I tried her method again.
I hooked one arm around his and placed my hand on his shoulder, the other I placed on his leg, "Yes, it has to be one at a time, we don't want to give you a heart attack," I said almost in his ear but loud enough for Amanda to hear.
She laughed, but made it into a laugh that seemed to be directed at him, as if he made the joke.
He was obviously eating up every word, because in the next moment he had his arm around my waist. I allowed it to be there, for the moment.
"Now ladies, I'm a man who can handle both of you!" he said, literally puffing his chest out.
She and I giggled, and glanced at each other, we almost had him.
"QSW, where is your drink?" Amanda asked wide-eyed.
"Over there," I said, "I can't drink it now."
"Why not?" George said, confused.
"Because, someone could have put something in it without me knowing it, " I said, putting my hand on his chest, "There are so many creeps out there."
I glanced at Amanda, she smiled because the glance meant "Just like the one we are talking too!"
"Aw... who would do that two a couple of pretty girls like you?" George said pulling both of us towards him.
I bit back saying "People like you," and said, "I think I'm going to go get another drink."
"Why don't I just buy the both of you a shot?" he said, puffing out his chest again.
Both Amanda and I laid our hands on his chest and Amanda said, "Really?! What of?!"
George was done for.
We took the shot, talked to him a little more, and then moved on.
Exhausting work for just a shot and I kind of felt like I was a vampire out of an Anne Rice novel.

Amanda rarely pays for more than 3 beers when she goes out on the town.
I normally pay for all of mine plus shots I buy for friends.
I realize that I could get away with what Amanda gets away with, but at the same time I'd rather enjoy my time out instead of searching for the next victim to get me a shot.

But, fun to watch, and still, fun to do once in awhile.
;-)

So I was sitting here watching Blade Runner...

2008-03-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

... when I realized that my hair stylist was trying to get my hair to look like Daryl Hannah's hair in the movie. Too bad I didn't have the right eye shadow to go with it.
Who has a name like Daryl?
A crazy-hair, one-eye loving, mermaid... that's who.

Harrison Ford is so hot, even hanging from a steel beam.
Anyway.

Monday night was interesting. I went to the Black Sparrow, sat down, had a drink bought for me by the lovely HG and settled in for a long evening.
That just wasn't the case when NotIndian walked in.
NotIndian and D-Bag.
Regulars at the Black Sparrow.
Friends of the owner.
D-Bag really is known as the "Douchebag" and NotIndian is known as "The guy that no one knows why he hangs around with D-Bag, because he seems nice."

NI and D-Bag ask me to sit with them. Sure, they've always tipped me well, why not? D-Bag starts in on how he wants my friend Amanda. Sure, who doesn't? NI starts telling me how hot I am.
Ok, what?
What was flattering at first turns out to be a drunk NotIndian deciding that he's got the hots for me. "Ok, no big deal, it happens to everyone, I've had the hots for someone who hasn't returned it to me," I thought "I'll let him down nicely."
He told me he loved me a couple more times and that I was the sexiest thing and that he wanted me and right about the time I was going to start saying "Ease off buddy," D-bag comes back to the table and he distracts NI.
I walk away from the table and laughingly tell LeggyBlonde what just happened.
Amanda calls me and asks me what I'm doing. I tell her and she asks me to meet up with her at Knickerbocker. I go back to the table collect my stuff and I leave. And 5 minutes later (as I'm walking there) NotIndian catches up with me.
"Can I hold your hand?"
"No, why?"
"I just want to touch you. You are so beautiful."

I walk inside the Knickerbocker and sit down. He sits across from me.
Oh boy.
I sit for a few minutes chatting with him trying to explain to him that I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend when Amanda walks towards the door. She slows, sees something off to her left, turns, and walks away again.
Moments later D-bag walks in.
Great, Amanda is gone for the night. You'd have to know her as well as I do, to understand that so well, that you don't even bother calling her.
D-bag walks up to the table, and I invite him to sit.
NotIndian asks him to leave.
I invite him to sit.
NotIndian gets up and leaves momentarily.
D-bag looks at me with a "Whats going on?" look.
I shrug and look exasperated.
D-bag goes to the bar (the only time I've regretted him leaving) and NotIndian comes back with drinks.
Shit.
"You know, I tend to make better choices the more drunk I get. In fact, when I feel drunk, I will just turn and run."
"I don't care, you are beautiful."
"How is your girlfriend?"
"Good, I'm on the marriage track with her, but I read somewhere that people can only give you 80% of what you need."
"I don't even want to know where you are getting the other 20%"
"You don't understand human sexuality."
"I don't?"
"No, but you are incredibly sexy," he says almost entirely to my breasts.
(I don't say anything after that, what do I say to that?)
"Tell me something."
"Tell you something?"
"About me."
"You have a girlfriend named Christine and her number is in my phone."
"No, something that you want to do to me."
(I just sat and looked at him, a complete loss of words considering there was nothing I wanted to do to him)
"I just want to put my semen inside of you."
"Excuse me?"
"Are you ovulating?"
"I, really, couldn't tell you." (pure sarcastic reaction, but he took it seriously)
"Are you menstrating?"
"Wow, dude, I hope you understand that I'm not going to sleep with you, ever."
"Don't say that, What if I break up with my girlfriend, even if it's only for a few days? Will you have a threesome with us?"

I drained the rest of my drink, because for some reason, I work in the opposite manner everyone else does. When I'm sober, I make really bad decisions and when I'm drunk I usually make the right decision.
Example: I had already entertained him for 45 minutes sober and apparently he was getting off just by me sitting there (which was the wrong decision), and drunk, I stood up in mid-sentence from him, turned, and walked out the door(which is the right one).
I stood up and on my way out, I asked my roommate (who was there on a date) to come with me. I apologized to his date, who didn't seem to mind leaving, and we left together.
We went back to the Black Sparrow, where I knew people, and who I knew would enjoy the story.
My roommate and date went and sat down at a table and I sat next to Magic and LeggyBlonde. I started to tell them what happened, when Magic got a look on his face and suddenly looked down at his magazine.
"He's here isn't he."
Magic just nodded.
I turned around and sure enough NotIndian was standing there grinning.
G. Damn.
This time he started in on comments which I didn't hear. I was in panic mode.
I knew there was a back door into the alleyway which I saw as my only option. I didn't really want to be followed into the alleyway though, that seemed dangerous.
While NotIndian was momentarily distracted by HG, I leaned over to Magic and asked him to have LeggyBlonde take my purse into the kitchen.
I went back to "talking" to NotIndian.
I excused myself to go to the bathroom and I noticed my purse wasn't on the back of my chair.
I went into the bathroom and stood there for a few moments before turning off the light and peeking outside. NI had his head turned away from me.
I ran for the kitchen.
I felt very "secret agent man" but I also felt there wasn't another option. I didn't know how the owner would react to me ripping off one of NI's balls in the middle of the bar. Especially since NI was a friend of his.
Moments later LB entered with my purse in her hand.
She asked me if I was ok and if I was ok to get out to my car and I told her I was.
Then I left, I walked slowly to the end of the alleyway and then ran to my car.

Tonight (Wednesday) Amanda called me because she wants to go out for drinks.
No thanks. I'm going to sit here and be schooled on understanding Blade Runner with Mr. Lust.

Mr. Lust: Watch this, seriously, QSW.
QSW: Tears in the rain?
Mr. Lust: Babe, you missed the whole thing. (re-winds)
QSW: I still don't understand why he just died.
Mr. Lust: It was the end of his 4 years! This is movie-making magic!
QSW: I would hate for my last words to be "Tears in the rain."
Mr. Lust: Ugghghhhhhhh! Its suppose to be poetic!
QSW: A movie about a guy chasing androds and killing them is suppose to have a poetic ending in it?
Mr. Lust: Yes! This is it! He says he's seen more but it's all gone like tears in the rain!
QSW: And then he dies.
Mr. Lust: Yes.
QSW: Do you want me to cry or something?
Mr. Lust: No! Just feel more emotion for it!
QSW: Can we talk about when you watched Notting Hill with me?
Mr. Lust: You win.

Mr. Lust's.

Mine.

Kicked him in the p**** (so google won't find it)

2008-03-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

I laughed like no one should laugh at this.

Try a half of bottle of wine and then watching this, I promise the effects will be different.

I need to write a good blog post here, my co-workers have asked me too, but I haven't gotten a chance yet... it'll come soon, I promise ALEX!
;)

Why comment? Just Google it!

2008-03-25T09:19:00.001-07:00

So Leggy Blonde's stalker from Weston, Michigan has now searched my site for:
confusing interest/concern/fair-use for stalking
I think this mysterious person is trying to send me a message, via searching my site... to show he's concerned for LB.... or interested?

Does anyone find this creepy other than me?

If you are concerned for LB, don't be. She's doing quite alright, and every time I see her she has a huge grin on her face. In fact, I somewhat miss her cynical side that we use to share, she seems to be all happiness and her cynicism has melted away. How does that happen? I'm happy and still very, very cynical. Maybe I should be a New Yorker.
***************************

I have more to say here, but I have to drive to Indy to pick up some dancers at the airport, I'll add more here later.

Matter of Mind over Meter.

2008-03-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

I watched the meter move in a circular motion around until it disappeared.
Moments later it reappeared and then disappeared again.
I wondered how many times it had been rotating since I had arrived that morning.
I opened the book of matches in my hand and lit one.
After lighting my cigarette I threw the match into the bucket and it made a small hiss as it hit the water inside.
The meter had gone around three more times since I had lit the match.
I noticed the book of matches for the first time as I inhaled.
Poetry was written on the inside of it.
Julie.
Julie was a bar regular and when she had no one to talk too, she would write things inside of matchbooks at the bar.
It reminded me of a song I had once heard that went something like, "and there's a matchbook in her purse, where she writes down her poetry."
That was Julie, or Jules, as I called her when I couldn't read her handwriting the first time I had noticed her poetry.
I think it adds character to the bar.
Just like the doorman who made chalk drawings while he checked IDs.
10 more times the meter went around.
I wasn't even half way through my cigarette.
I wondered what time it was.
It didn't matter, I'd be there until close anyway, I should be worried about when everyone would leave.
Still, since I had arrived at 10 that morning, I wondered if I had hit the 15 hour mark.
I counted in my head in time with the meter.
It would have to be 1 am if I had been here 15 hours.
Yea, I had hit that mark.
Cigarette was half way done, my break wouldn't be too much longer.
I dreaded going inside.
A gust of wind blew a hair across my cheek. It was as if God was trying to pat my cheek to tell me I could do it.
It would only be another 3 hours at most. The night air felt good on my face and hands. They seemed to be on fire with the exertion of lifting boxes and the Red Bull and Jägermeister running through my veins.
I had taken 3 shots so far.
In my head I figured out the units of alcohol against my body mass.
I must be drunk.
I felt slap happy.
I need to go away, even for a day, and tell no one.
My own secret.
I realized that my leg had fallen asleep and I was still staring directly at the meter. I moved and it seemed as if I moved back into reality with the shift of my weight.
The music inside pounded like the heartbeat of a runner.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Someone opened the kitchen door and the music grew louder before softening again with the shut of the door.
How many people would make bad decisions tonight because of Red Bull and Jägermeister?
"Not me," said the little red hen.
What a lie. The red hen should have a scarlet "A" tattooed on her chest.
My cigarette was about to go out.
I straightened my back. It popped twice.
I stretched my legs and my ankle popped. It hurt, and I could continuously pop it if I wanted too.
An old skiing accident that I never fixed and my right ankle would always pop on demand because of it.
I threw my cigarette into the bucket.
Hiss.
I craned my neck around to the door.
Pop.
I opened the door.
Boom. Boom.
My break was 49 silent turns of the meter.

2008-03-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

If you find yourself short of breath, stressed out, tried, achey and physically exhausted, I suggest leave town.
Drive for awhile.
Drive to the nearest city.
Rent a hotel room.
Preferably one with a spa.
Eat a nice meal with a bottle of wine.
Relax in the hot tub.
Go to bed.

Tomorrow everything will seem so easy and amazing.

Now....

2008-03-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

Now... you are just fucking with me.

Who searches "making out feel penis blogspot?"

People from Texas, that's who.

BOOOYAAA!

Searching for Leggy Blonde

2008-03-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

So, ever since the below post, my blog has been searched and rifled through repeatedly.
People from all over are suddenly going extensively through my archived posts plus searching for things like "Leggy Blonde" in every single archive.
Mr./Mrs. Whoever from Michigan, Westland, United States, has apparently decided to stalk "Leggy Blonde" on my blog.
She has stalkers in real life and blog life now. Creepy.

Mr./Mrs. Whoever from Texas, Mcallen, United States has read up on all my archives by searching for "quietly sipping wine" in Google.

Mr./Mrs. Whoever from Minnesota, St. Paul, United States and Ford Motor Company in Michigan, Dearborn, United States searched "quietly sipping wine" in Google.

Someone in the Netherlands e-mailed my "Paolo Nutini" post to a friend who clicked on the link from his/her e-mail.

Someone from the US searched "Stupid Penis" and found my blog, which comes up as number one in Google. Special.

Someone from Ohio, Columbus, United States searched "Perfect Penis" using Netscape.

Someone from Europe searched "Action Movie Penis" and found my blog.

Does my blog scream Penis?
Maybe I should name my blog Quietly Sipping Penis.

WTF Mate?

2008-03-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

AHHHHH MOTHERLAND!

If you haven't seen that, it's priceless.

Anyway, some interesting things have been happening on my StatCounter.
One: A lot more people are searching for my blog.
Two: A lot more people are coming to my blog from West Lafayette or Lafayette IN.
Three: A lot more people are coming to my blog. Period.

One, makes me nervous just because when someone searches that means they don't have it bookmarked, when they don't have it bookmarked that means there is a reason. Maybe the reason is simple and honest, like," I have too many bookmarks already." I'm not concerned with those, its the sinister reason I'm concerned with, like, "hey, if I save this my new girlfriend will find out about my old girlfriend and I don't want that," or "I gotta find out of QSW is still talking about me or if she's gotten over the fact that I cheated on her with her brother's ex girlfriend."
That sounded Jerry Springer-ish.

Two, I was expecting to happen. In fact most of the hits from this region I can identify. For instance, I have a hit from Armory Apartments and Wlaf Public Library and Purdue University That last one makes me a little nervous because it was a searcher as well (see One). So I'm not surprised when someone from my work comes in and says "Interesting post!" I can even tell them when they looked at that post.

Three, is frustrating. Part of me wants to shut down this blog because it's so compromised now and part of me likes the ego trip I get when I realized how many people diligently come to my blog every day to read my musings and daily life.
My life isn't that interesting. I don't know how you people get through it, you must drink a lot of coffee before you come here.

New Shoes on Tonight and everything is alright.

2008-03-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

So, that ^ above line I've had stuck in my head for a good 3 days now.
I had no idea who sang it.
I offered people free drinks just to tell me who it was.
No one knew.
Finally, Google helped me out.
Paolo Nutini sings it.

Not only do I think Paolo is a talented artist but he's 'effin hot.

Plus, he was born and raised in Scotland and he's wearing a Sweden t-shirt.
I'm Scotch-Irish and Swedish.
Plus I was born and raised in Paoli, which looks an awful lot like Paolo.
And, if I had to choose one thing in this world to write a song about, it would be shoes, without a doubt, and he wrote a song about shoes, but not just any shoes... new shoes... which are my favorite kind.

This obviously means that we were destined for each other.
If that wasn't enough, as I was obsessing over YouTube and watching him sing about shoes, I found this:

Amy Winehouse is awesome sung by a hottie.

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, God said, 'Let there be lips and there were and they were good!"

2008-03-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

I am a child of the 90's. (Much to my mother's dismay, I spent a good deal of time screaming Alanis Morrisette lyrics in my room).
My music for a long time was very 90's based.
Yes, I liked Dave Matthews.
Yes, I liked Nirvana.
Yes, I liked mainstream alternative, which is what every black-t-shirt-open-plaid-shirt, stringy-long-hair individual would listen too.
I had a few exceptions, like in the late 90's, I got hooked on Shivaree after a trip to Italy where Italian MTV worshiped them.
They had such awesome lyrics as:
It's the same old rules
no eyes
no groin
I'm gonna spank you without pants
And fire aimlessly if you don't come out
You daring lousy guy

It wasn't a hard transition from Alanis.

What is my purpose of this post? Oh yea.

I am surrounded by talented musicians and singers at my new job. One of the women I work with we shall call her LeggyBlonde (even though she doesn't think she is) came into the pub and told me she had wrote a song.
Just like that.
Wrote a song.
To me, thats almost like someone having original thought.
When René Descartes sat down and came up with "I think, therefore, I am."
I digress.
We have two different bands that have members in our staff at the pub. All their music is fantastic. Granted, after reading the first half of this post you obviously feel that I cannot appreciate good music when I hear it. I understand, but I promise I've grown up since my teenage days.
Nowadays, I listen to a wide range of music, my play list consists of The Noisettes, Madeleine Peyroux, Hanne Hukkelberg, The Lilac Time, The Roots and Shivaree (old habits die hard and with a vengeance).
The newest addition to that list is Why I like robins. Two of the members work right along side me at the pub and are not only talented at making a gin and juice but also at composing and playing music. I am impressed with my co-workers to say the least.
Also,

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY.

Eye candy. Yum.

You know...

2008-03-15T14:28:00.000-07:00

... if you type into Google "what does it mean in real life see a white man penis in a dream and then the penis disappears when he see you" my blog is first on the list.

Thank you to whomever searched for that and found my blog.

Your Mom.

2008-03-13T09:42:00.001-07:00

Countless amount of people end a lot of jokes with either "That's what he/she said" or "Your mom."
Example:

Planned parenthood speaker: Who wants some condoms?
Class, in unison: Your mom.

Welcome to America's humor. (I did laugh at the above joke)

The only other time I've laughed at a "Your mom" joke is when my brother spouted off the infamous line... at me. I laughed with half of my fraternity and a month later we got t-shirts that said, "Your Mom Softball" and then wore them to all of the softball games we played in.

You know, I could go on with some psychobabble bullshit about how America humor sucks, and how witty other countries humor is and then I could tie that into how this weekend it's St. Patty's day and we should all be Irish...
... but I'm lazy.

********************************
The other day I had a man at the bar hitting on me.
I think it had to do with the fact that I have tits and I was the only one at the bar/tables/restaurant that had them. Therefore I was the lucky target. He really didn't take no for an answer. I tried to avoid him at all costs, but still, when I came to the bar to get a drink, he'd relentlessly try to get me in conversation.
List of his lines:
"Hey mama."
"Hey baby."
"Hey doll."
"Whatcha doing?"
"Why don't you just stop and talk to me?"
"Where you running off too?"
"Man, look at you coming over here shaking it."
"What are you doing later?"
"Where do you party at?"

The list can go on. Finally, he gets me into somewhat of a conversation.
"Hey do you have a boyfriend?"

I decided to answer (even if by lying) this in hopes that he'd really get the hint.
"Yes I do in fact."
"How long you been seeing him?" (yes, he said it this way)
"6 months"
"6 months? Aww. that's nothin' Man. Guys are like carrs, you havfta trade them in!" (it's hard to get the phonetic spelling the way he pronounced things.)

I backed away at this point realizing he wasn't going to get the hint.
"Where are you going? Why are you giving me that look?"
"I have to wait on people and I am giving you the look because I really don't want to trade in my car."
He left shortly after.
Men don't get the hint sometimes.

Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?

Yes I get by with a little help from my friends

2008-03-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

What would do think if I sang out of tune, Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
He gets high with a little help from his friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.

Last night I worked at the bar and my co-workers came in to celebrate Monday.
(Monday always needs celebrating)
7 people work at the bar, 6 were drinking last night at the bar.
That's some love going on.

What do I do when my love is away. (Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day (Are you sad because you're on your own)
No, I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I'm gonna to try with a little help from my friends

Thank God for cameras.

Everybody was Kung Fu Pouring

She's so pretty :)

Creepy calzone, not to mention the guy in the back.

I have an attitude.

I can't decide, Creepy or not?

I call this one, "Theatre Faces"

Awwww!

I get the feeling he's a lot like a puppy who licks your face.

BLOG THIS!

2008-03-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

Soon I will have to get a new blog. New theme. New everything
I gave my blog address to a co-worker, which was fine, then another co-worker, which was also fine, then to another one... which was also fine... but then the first co-worker gave it to my roommate, and he's promised to look it up.

I'm just not cool with him reading my blog. He already gets information about me from sources that I don't even talk to. He dated my ex-roommate who told him things I didn't want her to know.
My thoughts and feelings don't need to be added to "what he knows" list.

I should also write here that I still love my co-workers and I am not mad at them that it slipped out to him, I knew at some point that it was going to happen.

In other news, I got asked out, and I'm not really sure if I'm going to accept or not. He was nice enough to add "I know you are just on a break, so you might not want to date yet."
Its a nice out if I just really didn't want to date him. And I told him that I wasn't sure what I want to do at all. I've never quite lived like this. I am very seriously taking one day at a time and not deciding how I feel about the day until after I've begun it.
Usually I know what I want, when I want it, what I feel about it and for how long I'll keep it.
I've never lacked opinions.

In still other news, ID went home with a bar regular last night and I had to wait for her to leave my bathroom this morning so I could take a shower and go to work. It's much worse than when RHM would spend the night in my apartment, because I like her and didn't mind her there. This girl annoys the crap out of me and says I have an "experimental" laugh.
Who says that?!
It's the same feeling I would get if ID decided to become friends with every fucktard who hit on me at the bar, then invited them all back to my apartment for beer.

My sanctuary has been breached.

In the wee hours of the morning...

2008-03-06T09:17:00.000-08:00

I could feel my car give out and slow to a stop.
"Shit," I thought, "I'm in the middle of nowhere, I know no one nearby." I waited in the dark, playing with my cell phone, trying to figure out who to call. 5 or 10 minutes passed and I suddenly saw red and blue lights in my mirrors. I turned around, and sure enough, there was a cop car. I got out of my car about the same time he did and I faced one of the whitest men I've ever seen. My albino cop rescuer. The phrase "knight in shiny armor on his white horse" popped in my head and I laughed when I realized I had gotten a white man and his shiny badge.
He seemed to be a much nicer cop than what I had met in my lifetime, he even peered under the hood of my car to see if he could see the problem. When nothing was resolved he offered me a ride to where I needed to go and I gladly accepted it.
I hopped into the shotgun seat, which I didn't think was weird until we were already moving, and I admired all the equipment set up around me. His radio broke through and a lady asked him to respond to a nearby call. "This will only take a second," he said to me and moments later we were slowing down to a house that looked deserted. "Lots of homeless people break into this house and I think one of the neighbors called in another break-in," he explained while getting out of the car.
A few minutes later I was still alone.
I had been waiting almost 20 minutes before hearing something going on at the house.
I climbed out of the car.
As I stood there looking at the house trying to figure out if I should use the radio or not, I suddenly became aware that I was not alone. Before I could open the door and hop back inside the car, I figured out the source, a man who was standing about 15 feet away with his back to me, facing the house that I had just been looking at.
"Do you know what is going on?" I asked him.
He turned around and said "I think it might be a drug bust."
I shivered.
We stood there watching a few minutes more before we saw the albino cop dragging someone back with him.
The drug dealer was thrown onto the hood of the car and barked at to "stay put" before the albino cop walked back towards the house.
Then the man who had been standing with me did a peculiar thing, he pulled out a razor and started sawing at the man's handcuffs.
Needless to say, I was scared for my safety.
Before I could decided what to do the man in handcuffs said something to the razor man.
The man stopped sawing with his razor and became very still.
"You know too then," he said to the handcuffed man.
He tossed the razor aside and within moments had out a butterfly knife.
One, two, three, he started stabbing the cuffed man in the back.
Blood was everywhere.
The cuffed man was screaming at first but slowly he stopped, the man kept on stabbing.
Where was the cop? What would this guy do to me after he was done stabbing the guy?
I should run.
That's when I woke up at 3:30am in a cold sweat.
I sat there clutching my chest trying to figure out if I had just gotten done running.
The dream was vivid.
I laid back down and tried to go back to sleep.
At 4:30am I gave up.
I went into the living room and watched a movie.
At 6am when the sun came out I could finally sleep.

Stupid Penis

2008-03-04T11:49:00.000-08:00

A perfect night to me is having a plate of General Tso's Chicken, playing an Audrey Hepburn movie, and playing euchre when I'm done eating while sipping on a nice glass of red wine.

This seems to floor some people, mostly men (dumb men obviously, but we will get to that). I think for the most part it floors men because there is no mention of the penis I obviously want to have.
I like penis, don't get me wrong, but I don't need it, and I definitely don't need it to make the perfect night.

I think this is called "maturing."

FN and I always get mad at dumb men and some of their idiosyncrasies. He and I will tell each other a story of some "guy" and how horrible he was. At the end of those stories one of us will invariably say "Stupid Penis."
To throw all people into a category based on their genitalia seems a bit harsh and I often find myself wondering if I'm just one step away from buying a cat and living alone the rest of my life.
I even do things to myself that make my self-esteem disappear, bringing me closer to “cat woman.”
Side Note: If you have a crush on someone, and they become drunk and start hitting on you, this does not mean it's a good idea to make-out with them. Especially, if you are sober. Your ego will be bruised the next day and you’ll feel like shit. About the only way your ego is going to become "unbruised" in that situation is if you can duplicate the same scenario, and run like hell from the man in question. A crush is a crush, and should be left at that, especially if you know that they aren't crushing in return.

How did this tradition of “stupid penis” get started, QSW?
I'll tell you!
I don't know.
But it is tradition…
…and because of our traditions...
Every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do.
And God expects me to call dumb men, “Stupid Penis.”

Yes, I made a “men” conversation turn into Fiddler on the Roof.

I’ll leave you with a “Stupid Penis” example so that you may understand its meaning:
Mr. Lust and I are on the rocks. (That is, a strong pour over ice)
RHM loves to talk. (that is, gossip)
Because of these two factors I found myself answering a text message from the long-lost GH: “What do you mean ‘WHATS UP?’”
GH: I heard you and Mr. Lust were no longer.
Me: How on earth did you hear that? Where are you now? St. Louis?
GH: I still have friends there, even if I’m in St. Louis.
Me: So, Nothing is up, What is up with you?
GH: Nothing, I am coming through that area on Tuesday and I was wondering if we could hang out.
Me: No.
GH: I don’t want anything, I just want to talk.
Me: (Right, I’ve heard that one before) Talk about what?
GH: I want to apologize about Medusa and what happened in the past.
Me: (reading, but not responding)
GH: I also want to talk about James.
Me: (fuck, just pull out all stops)
GH: (after not hearing from me for 15 minutes) Well, plan B will be in action. I’m spending the night there, and I’ll just show up at the bar you work at until you are there.
Me: Stupid Penis.

James @ Slowmo - Trainwreck

2008-03-03T11:56:00.001-08:00

"She who struggles. I dunno if she thinks she's struggling, but it's obvious that she is. And that's the appeal, at least for me. She strives and fights and struggles and fails and then gets right up again. She's obviously smart as a whip (if, however, she sometimes makes a grammatically-challenged drunken post), but I don't think that very many people in her life (read: men) can see beyond her appearance."

Ever read something about yourself and find that its something you've known all along, yet never really admitted it to yourself until someone wrote it out for you?

That's how I felt after reading this from Mars or James. James is one of those few people who has read my blog from way-back-when, up to now, and probably beyond. I forget that once people have read my posts for so long they probably know me better than I think, even without seeing me or hearing me or talking to me.

Although... I don't know how smart a whip is, unless its in the hands of Indiana Jones. ;)

James thank you for writing about me. I wish I had the words to express how your thoughts have made my day.

Hottie boys who know old movies...

2008-03-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

So in case you are new to this blog, or don't know me in "real" life, I love older movies.
My favorites are Audrey Hepburn/Cary Grant/Robert Redford movies (although, I realize Robert Redford one's aren't really "old" movies).

Today I was in my office when a man with startling blue eyes walked into it.
"Is Kathy here?" he asked me.
"I believe so, I can call her office so you don't have to walk all the way down there to check," I told him.
"Wonderful, can you tell her Rhett is here to see her?"
"I'd be happy too, but my dear, frankly, she won't give a damn."
"Ah, well, that is Kathy for you," he says, (after glancing at my name on my desk) "Well, I'm out of ideas. Shall we dance?"
"Let's dance after I call Kathy," I said, feeling flushed and liking the flirting way to much (calls Kathy) "She's in her office."
"Shall we say goodnight but really mean goodbye?"
"Rhett, don't. I shall faint."

Some of the most creative flirting I've ever seen. If he had been at my other work place I would have definitely tried to talk to him more. Its sad how brilliant moments could never be created again.

If you are up on your pop-culture, then you know my first name.

Beakman Lives.....

2008-02-29T13:44:00.000-08:00

Me: {Business} Can I help you?
Caller: Yes, I need Laura.
Me: She won't be in until Monday.
Caller: Well I need to talk to someone about the show on March 7th.
Me: (looks at calendar and realize he's talking about Beakman Live!) Ok, most of our staff is gone for the day, but if you tell me what you need, I can maybe direct you to the right voice mail box.
Caller: I need your Tech Director.
Me: Well, We don't have a Tech Director, but I think Kathy is the person you'll be wanting to speak to, she handles the production aspect of the shows that come here. I'll transfer you to her.
Caller: What is it that I'm performing in? Loeb? Is that a theatre?
Me: Yes, it holds about 2,000 seats.
Caller: Ok, who is this Kathy?
Me: She is our Production Assistant and I think you'll want to be speaking to her.
Caller: I need your Tech Director, do you have a Tech staff?
Me: Yes. At Loeb, but Kathy is the one who talks to them.. (interrupted)
Caller: Ok, Kathy, I'm going to call her your Tech Director because that is what she is.
Me: Ok. I'll transfer you to her.
Caller: Does she have a direct line? Can I call her directly?
Me: Yes of course, do you have paper handy, I'll give you the number.
Caller: (rustling) Yes, go.
Me: ###
Caller: (saying what he is writing) Kathy, Tech Director.
Me: (repeating) ###
Caller: Ok.
Me: ### - ####
Caller: Ok Transfer me.
(transfers him, and then hangs up the phone)
Lois: (overhearing the conversation, and walking to my desk) Kathy will set him straight and then she will send him over to Elliott where Tim is... who is the Tech Director for Loeb.
Me: Thank God that's not my problem. I tried to explain, but he didn't want to listen.

I wondered...

2008-02-29T11:10:00.000-08:00

... how long it would take before I wanted to start a new blog that had all my devious activities in it.

Can I handle two blogs?

So, the point of this post is never, ever buy a spider monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.

2008-02-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

I'm sick and a lady at my office handed me a tea bag that said, "Detox Tea" on it.
"Here this will help your cough, it did wonders for mine," she said.
I thanked her and quickly made the tea because I figured it would at least stop my coughing.
I sat down with my "Detox Tea" and opened Wikipedia. Since I spend a lot of my time trying to "toxify" my body, I didn't want to turn into the Incredible Hulk or something "detoxifying" it.
I was determined to do some reading before sipping.

Detox is less effective than drinking a glass of H2O.

I'm almost quoting Wikipedia directly. And, I know some of you think that Wikipedia is controlled by government monkeys (here is your only reference to monkeys)and I cannot trust it, so this is the link to WebMD confirming the same thing.
Although, I am curious about "Sap Sheets," they still look interesting enough or at least when I saw the 4am info-mercial.
What was I doing up at 4am? I work at a bar. I have weird hours. I see weird things... like music videos on MTV.

What is the point of all this detox discussion?
My question: HOW IN THE HELL DID SOMEONE GET DUPED INTO BELIEVING THIS SHIT?
Excuse me... Did I say "someone?"... I mean... TONS OF PEOPLE!
Lemmings, people.

Side Note: The Lemmings metaphor cracks me up. Some Disney filmmaker decided to "push" the lemmings off a cliff when they weren't running off of it. Then, he/she made a documentary, sold it to the public, and like "lemmings" we believed that the little rodents committed mass suicide. Maybe the filmmaker was only trying to prove how easy it was to get the public to believe that, for no reason, one rodent in this universe would kill itself for no reason. Meanwhile, other rodents survive through conditions that Bear Grylls couldn't imagine.

In my one run-in with the detoxing nation, and I simply took 5 minutes and figured out it was a scam. I love these stupid diets. Like the one where you eat only meat? What? Seriously?
God invented fruits and vegetables just so you didn't have to go killing every four-legged creature in a 12 mile radius of you.
Sparky loves you, don't eat him because some asshole decided to create the "All Dog Diet!"
Use your head.
Not that head.
The other one.
Good boy.

I'm incorrigible

2008-02-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

I'm unruly.
I'm odd.
I'm eccentric.
I'm ... I don't know.

I realize that I'm such a mess of everything that it's quite possible that I'll never find anyone who understands me. One of my friends says "that's great" because it'll make me a "mystery" for whomever I date. Since I don't want a "mystery" in my life, I don't understand how some male-being would.

At some point I just want someone to understand and accept me.

So many men I date have qualities I need, but lack the understanding. Those of you who were around during the "Matt years" read about how in-love I was with him.A part of me still loves him (is that sad?). I wish I didn't, but a part of me forever will yearn for what I had with him. He was the first person to understand me at least 80 % of the time.
Just 80%.
That is like a B average.
I don't think I'll ever expect an A average.

Then there is Mr. Lust.
Mr. Lust, even though there are those of you who frown upon him, really doesn't "hurt" me.
Sure, there is the "big" incident that happened, but he has never hurt me on a regular basis.
Matt did.
GH did.
NG did.
"The Ex" really did.

The Ex decided what I'd wear every day. I was like the scarecrow who had no brain.

NG ignored me every other day. We dated 4 months but technically it was only 2.

GH smothered me. Did I ever tell you about how he force-fed a friend of mine pasta because he was so distraught about our break up?

Matt... well its hard to explain his.... he was verbally abusive but not so much that anyone could notice... it was only after 8 months of dating upon when I learned his "joking" and his "serious." I call it the time I was dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass.

Mr. Lust... nothing... Why can't I be happy in the eyes of everyone?

Sigh... this post sucks.
Let me leave you with this:
Me: I had a dream about Large Statues last night... more like a nightmare!
RHM: haha lovely... that is universally terrifying.
Me: I know, you would have peed your pants.
RHM: Totally.

I'm having a bad hair day... OK!

2008-02-26T09:27:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what prompted me to get shit faced last night, but I did.

I even blacked out.

For instance: I have no idea how I got home.

I don't remember going to bed.

I do remember waking up after a horrible nightmare.

A lot of people don't know this, but I'm afraid of large statues.
Not just statues, which is simply called Statue Phobia, I can stand around life-sized or smaller statues all day, its when they become larger than life is when I feel as if I'm going to puke.
I had a dream that I was in a large mansion and every room I went into had large statues leaning over me like Moses parting the waters in St. Peters Basilica (I fainted after being surprised with that statue) or Roman gods with their pointing fingers (those are the worst because the reasons for their existence was to strike fear into the people).
Finally after running into room after room I could feel myself about to puke...
...thats when I woke up and ran to the bathroom.

I hate drinking that much.

Especially when you run into hot boys who try to talk to you the next day and you have no make-up on, you have frizzy hair, and since you forgot to take out your contacts... bloodshot eyes.
Yea, I bet I'm attractive... oh one more thing... I'm losing my voice because I'm sick so I sound like Amy Winehouse ON crack.

When is too much, too much...

2008-02-24T11:33:00.000-08:00

When do you draw the line?
When do you decide you aren't happy?
When do you say, enough is enough?

Definitely not after 4 beers and a shot.

Overheard in a bar: Phone, relationships, and beer

2008-02-21T09:14:00.000-08:00

Bartender (on phone): I'm sorry the owner isn't here right now.
(pause)
Bartender: He makes his own hours, I'm not sure when he'll be here next.
(pause)
Bartender: The owner isn't married.
(pause)
Bartender: Well, I'm not sure why he lied to you.
(pause)
Bartender: Well now, that's just way too personal. (hangs up)

Waitress (on phone & smoking): Seriously, when was the last time you took me out?
Waiter (over hearing conversation): I bet it's been awhile.
Waitress(to phone): Yea, since November! It's February! You didn't even take me out for Valentine's Day!
Waiter (still listening in): Oh shit, he's in trouble.
Waitress (saying goodbye and hanging up): Ok, I have a date for this Friday.
Waiter: The conversation would have gone a lot quicker if you had just used the porn you found on his computer against him.
Waitress: No, that's my newest form of control, I don't want to wear it out.

Beer guy: I put a new tap on the Irish Stout so that it comes out frothy.
Bartender: Did we request that?
Beer guy: No, it was suppose to be like that originally but I didn't have the proper tap.
(pause)
Beer guy: Do you know how to use that sort of tap?
Bartender (second guessing herself): Um, I think so.
Beer guy: Here, let me show you. (walks over, takes a glass, puts it to the tap and pours like any other tap, and then starts drinking the beer he just poured)
Bartender: That was the lamest way I've ever seen anyone get free beer... and we have meth heads that come in on a regular basis.
Beer guy: Well, meth heads and beer deliverers are basically both forms of pond scum.

Me: Thanks for coming in 15 minutes earlier to replace me!
Bartender (replacing me): Again, tell me, Why the hell am I here so early?
Me: I have a meeting in 15 minutes to figure out what is going to be said at my friend's funeral.
Kitchen guy (overhearing): Ooooh! Who feels like a jackass now?!

And thats the rest of the story...

2008-02-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

I guess I should fill in everyone on what Mr. Lust did.
He and Tina have a "talking dirty" session once a week where they tell each other explicitly what they'd like to do to one another. He swears it's never entered into phone conversations and that they've never even met. She's the same age as me and she lives about 20 minutes away.
I was upset for an hour until I grew too tired to be upset.
I don't know what I'm going to do with him or the situation.
I'm just in limbo.

That night, I woke up to Mr. Lust saying, "Call your brother's phone, your phone is dead. It's an emergency."
I sprang up, called my brother and when the person picked up they said, "He's dead, he had an inoperable brain tumor. They couldn't do anything for him."
It took 15 minutes for me to realize that it was my brother talking, and not someone talking about my brother.
When I calmed down my brother told me that James had died, and I went hysterical all over again.

James was one of the funniest people I've ever met. When he came for Thanksgiving last year, James kept telling my mom how wonderful the food was. She finally said, "James! Stop brown-nosing me!" James, very seriously, looked at my mom and said, "Carol, you don't have to be racist." Everyone started laughing.
That was James. Several times I got phone calls at 3 or 4 in the morning with James singing, "Fill me up buttercup baby just to let me down," he would usually make it through the whole song before someone would stop him.

I probably won't be around much before Friday. Wednesday we are planning the memorial service and Thursday we are having the service.

Hold the phone...

2008-02-17T20:30:00.001-08:00

"Joe, I need something."
"Are you there?"

Those popped up on my screen from a "Tina" and I realized that my boyfriend Mr. Lust, aka Joe, had left his Y! messenger running.

I few minutes later Joe walked in.

"Tina just IMed you, I'm not sure what she wanted, but you left your Y! running and I was checking my e-mail."

"Oh ok, can I see my laptop?"
"sure"

Tina had a picture, she was my age, pretty long hair, perfect teeth, pretty eyes, looked to be a former cheerleader.
I have a low self-esteem to begin with.

He sits down in front of me. Places the laptop so its in perfect eye sight of me, and types to her.

"What?"
"what lol?" she returns.

He doesn't write anything for 10 minutes. He checks e-mail and whatnot.

"Well I hope you find what you are looking for"
"What?" she returns.
"I gotta go, talk to you later."

He signs offline and moves to the couch, and outta my eyesight.

Apparently I trust everyone inexplicably.

I sat and watched Family Guy and laughed at jokes and talked to him, and he told jokes and for about 20 minutes we sat like that, and no thought crossed my mind that he could be sitting on the couch, signed back in to Y! and typing to Tina.

But that's what he did.

At the end of Family Guy I got up and I went over to kiss him on the forehead and ask if he wanted me to make him another drink. As I leaned over his laptop to kiss him on the forehead he grabbed his screen and said, "No no no, baby don't!" and almost closed his laptop screen.

It was too late.
Tina's screen was up and it was obvious that they were having a long conversation.

I don't know if you, the audience, have ever been cheated on, but when you find doubt or feel suspicion its a horrible feeling.
I went cold. It felt as if I had just swallowed a pound of ice and it was sitting in my stomach with a dull ache of cold. I didn't feel anger, I didn't feel hurt... the feeling could closely be related to scared, but I wasn't scared. I've dealt with this too much to be scared of it anymore.

Confrontation happened moments later.
I was as calm as I could be.
"Who is she?"
"Just a friend from high school"
"What did she want?"
"I'd rather not say"
"What?"
"I don't want to get into this."
"Do you have a kid with her?"
"No"
"Were you married before?"
"No" (scowls)
"Are you married now?"
"No" (hurt expression)
"Are you cheating on me?"
"I'd never cheat on you."
"I've heard that before, its hard to believe"
"I love you so much."
"I've heard that too... Joe, I'm completely jaded on this subject, please give me some kind of reassurance other than what you're giving me now."
"I don't know what to tell you."
"Please, tell me why she would contact you."
"I'd rather not"
"It doesn't matter, I need reassurance."
"I'm just going to delete Y!"
"Then you'll just call her."
"I don't have her number."
"I find it hard to believe that you won't tell me about this girl because of some deep dark secret and you fail to have her phone number."
"Well, that's how it is."

At this, he got up and walked to another room to strip paint. He came in once or twice to ask if I wanted to "talk" but since he won't tell me anything, I don't know what we'd "talk" about.

And now I'm sitting her writing this.
Lucky me, my phone is dead, so this is my only relief to talk.

I buried Paul...er... cranberry sauce... It was a complete misunderstanding.

2008-02-17T18:23:00.000-08:00

I have a bit of a crush on him.
Jim Sturgess.
If he had been in one of those "Not another teen movie" deals, I wouldn't have given him a second glance. He was in "Across the Universe" though, and once I heard him sing the opening lines, I was completely hooked. While my favorite song in the movie was "I want you" my favorite one that he sings is "Strawberry Fields Forever." In the song, he creates these fantastic works of art and if I had the chance I would have been rolling around in the strawberries with him.
I'm crossing my fingers that he is an asshole in real life.

Kind of sucks that the whole version isn't in this.

Whole version!
**************************

Ok, the middle guy in this picture, which I so neatly ripped from Google Images, cracks me up.
Whoa.
So, in case you are one of those people who don't go back and read comments later to see what the blogger wrote back, I'll just tell you this story here.
A couple Fridays ago I worked 3 to "first off" shift. First off means that when there is a lull or a slow down period, I'm the first one to go. Its nice because you get your Friday or Saturday evening "off" yet you are still making some cash. This Friday in particular I was cut at 2am, in reality if messages had been relayed correctly, it would have been midnight.
By 2am I had already taken 3 shots with my co-workers.
2am, I had another shot and started on a beer.
At 3:30am when everyone got off of work, we started drinking.
At 4ish we started a "line massage" and everyone was rubbing everyone's shoulders.
(except one, rather sober, individual who made fun of us for doing it)
At 5ish I blacked out, but before I did I started drinking water.
At 6ish I started remembering things again.
At 7ish I went home.

You know you really like where you work when you spend 5 extra hours at your work place.

The Bacon Shot and a PBR please. YeeHaw!

2008-02-14T09:38:00.000-08:00

The motto in the bar: No Crap on Tap.
A.K.A.: You will never see Miller Lite, Bud Light, Coors Light, Bud Select, etc. on tap at the bar I work at.

We have those beers, but they aren't listed on the beer menu. We have tons of beer in bottles that are in display in pretty cases, but we keep the "Lite" beers in a cooler underneath the bar.
They are the red-headed step children we beat before going to sleep at night.

That being said, if a customer orders one of those beers anyway, even after seeing they are not on draft and that they aren't on a menu.... he/she probably isn't going to tip well.
I'm sure there are several people reading this that would disagree or use themselves as an example.
That's fine.
I'm right anyway.
I have about 16 examples off hand of those people who order that beer and have either not tipped or tipped a quarter.
So find me 16 of your examples and I'll give you a shadow of a doubt.

The one exemption from the beatings is PBR. Apparently someone along the way decided that it was "retro" to drink and we decided that even though we shove that step-child under the bar in the cooler, we are against beating him. We even put him on the menu like we are proud of him and his accomplishments. Even Corona gets beaten and she's considered much better than the "Lite" beer. She's must have that something "Extra."

Ok, I'll stop with the personification of beer.

Now about last Friday...
I was running around delivering drinks when a guy hooked his arm in mine and pulled my aside by sheer force.
"Do you have any bacon in this joint?"
"Um... the kitchen is closed."
"Shit, what about a bacon shot?"
"...bacon shot...?"
"Yea, I can tell you what to put in it."
"ok....?"
"Put in well vodka, some dark beer, and salt on top."
"Are you kidding?"
"No, charge me like 5.50 for it."
"Ok..."

I left and got the shot. Jonny, the bartender lucky enough to make it, wondered if I had gone mad. He just shrugged his shoulders and handed it to me. I walked back to the guy and tried to hand it to him. "How much do I owe you?" he said. "4.25," I said. He handed me a $5 and told me to keep it. Gee, a 75 cent tip.
"Please hand it directly to that guy over there," he said pointing to some guy drinking a bud light, "that guy won't stop talking about bacon and I can't take it. Please say its a bacon shot when you hand it to him."
I walked to the guy, handed him the shot and said, "Here is your bacon shot."

Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand, from the friend who ordered it.
(1.75)
"What is this shot really?" the guy said eyeing it suspiciously.
"It's a bacon shot" I said stone faced.

Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand.
(2.75)
"What is in this? Really, I want to know."
"What does it matter? It's a bacon shot."

Wham. A dollar bill went into my hand.
(3.75)

"Come on, is there tequila in this? I can't take tequila."
"No, only bacon."
"Rum?"
"Bacon"
"Gin?"
"Bacon"

Wham. Wham. Wham.
(6.75)

At this point, I realized I was neglecting my tables but I thought I'd hold out for one more round. Especially since the guy's friend was handing me dollars and laughing so hard tears were forming.

"Ok, so what... Did you go into the kitchen and fry up some bacon to squeeze the juice into this shot glass?"
"No, I don't have that kind of time, but you apparently won't quit talking about bacon and your friend ordered you the bacon shot and this is what I've brought you. So whatever it is, it will forever be known as the bacon shot thanks to your obsession with bacon."
Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham.
(10.75)
I turned, smiled at his friend who was in tears, said thank you to him, and went to my tables, 10.75 dollars richer.
******************************************

The bar was full.
It had gotten to the point where it was easier and quicker to order from a waitress than to order from the bar.
I was walking to the bar when a man pulled me aside and asked if he could order from me instead of waiting for the bartender to see him.
I told him he could, and he ordered two Bell's Two-Hearted IPA.
I put in the order and when I got back to the counter, the guy was standing close by.
Jonny got out two Bell's and started to bring them over to me.
"Wait, can I change that to a PBR and an IPA?"
I looked at him in disbelief.
Jonny looked unsure of what to do.
"Sure" I said.
Jonny turned to leave to go and put one back and to get a PBR.
"Wait, can I make that one IPA and two PBRs?"
I know annoyance crossed my face, because frustration crossed Jonny's.
"Sure," I said.
Jonny brought over the three beers and gave them to me.
I gave them to the guy.
"How much do I owe you?"
"9.75" I said.
"Here keep the change," he said, handing over a 20 dollar bill.
"You sure?"
"Oh yea, sorry about the confusion."

I waited on him hand and foot the rest of the night, even after he started tipping normally.
Normal: 3 dollar beer = 1 dollar tip.

Ah, to be fed by a silver spoon.

2008-02-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

Mr. Lust and I got into a fight.

First off, I HATE fighting. I am one of those individuals who would rather get mad, walk out of the room for 30 minutes, come back into the room, apologize or talk rationally, and then forget about the reasons I got mad.
Mr. Lust is one of those people who likes to just lay it all out and yell about it.
Luckily, we don't fight often or it'd kill me.

Second off, how do you explain to a man, who has been given everything on a silver platter, that you need a job for money. Also, how do you explain to Mr. Silver Platter that you will be working every weekend and if he wants to see you, for the most part it'll be during the week?

This is the problem I'm having.

So the conversation starts out normally enough.
"So I was talking to my mom over the weekend," says Mr. Lust.
"Mmm hmmm" I said, painting the wall, not really paying close attention.
"She told me that when my father and her were first dating that she had an opportunity for a night job, and he told her 'absolutely no way' so she didn't take it, and she always regretted not getting a chance to do it."

I stopped painting and my breathing had become very shallow.

"So, I'm glad I never asked you to do that when you got this job at the Black Sparrow."

I paused for a second before speaking, "Mr. Lust, you didn't have a choice on whether or not I'd take this job. I was going to take it regardless of what you said."
"I didn't mean for this to get into a bad conversation"
"I'm not trying to make this into a bad conversation, I'm just stating how I needed this job and you weren't going to get in the way of it."
"You could have gotten another job during the day."
"I have a job during the day."
"I'm not going to lie, I hate this job, just because I never get to see you."
"I spent the night with you 6 nights last week. I haven't seen my roommate in a week."
"What? You want to spend more time with ID? Want me to take you home right now?"
"Maybe, if you keep behaving this way."

The fight grew.

Before long, we were yelling at each other. Both of us are so pig-headed and dominating that it was a match that had us "talking" at equal volumes, swearing at equal levels, and really making it into a dutch-style type of fighting.

Finally, in an act of defeat, sank to the floor, put my head in my hands and said, "Mr. Lust, I don't know what to tell you. If I don't have this job, then I won't have a cell phone, so you can't call me. Then I won't have the rent money, and I won't have a place where you can visit me, and I won't have any friends, because when I have no home, I'll just be depressed. And when that happens, I won't want to date you anymore because I'll know that you're the sole reason I'm so unhappy."

This seemed to stun him into silence.
We sat in silence for a good 3 minutes.

"I'm being unfair, I'm sorry QSW."
I didn't say anything.
"I will try harder to be understanding. I guess I didn't realize how much you needed this job since you have the other one."
"I get paid only for 20 hours a week at that job."
"That's true."

At that point we forgave each other. I still have some trepidation towards another one of those fights occurring before we finally reach a true understanding.
At least it's a start.

To continue my random day...

2008-02-11T12:22:00.000-08:00

... here is what I came across at work.

That middle thing... in between the "dierks" and the "bentley" yea... that looks like a penis and balls.
I decided to show that to my boss, who laughed so hard that she showed it to another co-worker... (mind you, this is an office full of ladies)... who showed it to another co-worker and soon our entire office was filled with laughter.

We decided to call him "Dierks 'Dick and Balls' Bentley"... after a co-worker pointed out that it was probably representing a "d" and a "b" with... some kind of... flame shooting out of the db... I think she meant "dierks bentley" but the "db" could represent "dick and balls" as well.

What's a throttle? Maybe that's the key to the fiery balls Bentley. Doesn't that have something to do with a tractor?

Random

2008-02-11T09:33:00.000-08:00

I found out last night around 9ish that I work till close tonight.
Means I work from noon to 3:30am.
Excitement.
I slept in this morning.
When I finally dragged myself out of bed, it felt as if I had been drinking heavily the night before, when I hadn't touched booze.
Delirious and grumpy, I stood in the shower and looked down at the bottles of shampoo on the ground.
One for me, one for Mr. Lust. Two bottles of shampoo.

Then, all of a sudden, I noticed my belly button.
I wondered when the last time was that I cleaned it.
And as if washing my hair wasn't a good enough excuse to take a shower, cleaning my belly button was.
I wondered why I didn't take better care of the mark that use to connect me to another human being. That area use to feed me, protect me, allow me to grow... and here in my shower, I realized that I didn't even remember the last time I cleaned it.
I remember when MW was pregnant how she freaked out when her belly button popped out and she tried to tape it down with duck tape.
I didn't even give my own "inny" belly button a second thought after she told me she was taping her belly button down.

I wonder what other small things I take for granted on a daily basis.

And that's my random thought of the day.

One lone leaf.

2008-02-10T00:59:00.000-08:00

Cold walk home.
The wind beats at my face then at my back.
My shoes crunch on the snowy sidewalk.
Windows steam up in protest to the cold.
I can't look inside to see what's there.
I feel alone.
I look down at my shoes and I see one lone leaf.
I step, the leaf rolls over.
Step, crunch, roll, step, crunch, roll.
My only friend at 5 in the morning.
I wondered how it survived into winter.
I wonder what it wondered about me.

So I found this after I walked home one night drunk. Apparently in my drunk state I thought I could write poetry (? is that what that is?) of some sort. I read it later and got a kick out of it, so I'm posting it, but don't worry my blog will not because a "Drunk Poetry Blog" Ha.

Shameless Hussy.

2008-02-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

I had sex and I didn't remember it until I was at work.

By 6pm on Wednesday I had worked 18 hours at Black Sparrow and slept 6 hours, in a 24 hour period. Of course, when I got off work I was wide awake and feeling up to drinking.
Thankfully at that moment ID calls me and asks if I'll buy him a beer. I said "Sure," since he had just gotten done fixing FN's car. FN is gay, and sometimes forgets to "pay back" a friendship favor. I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and "pay back" ID while curing my question of whether or not I should drink or go home.

Two beers and one glass of whiskey later, I still wasn't tired. Mr. Lust had been calling me to come over, so I left and went there.
He had bought a bottle of wine for me, and already had a glass poured for me.

Great.

I watched part of a movie, drank the glass of wine, and then I learned what the saying "hit me like a ton of bricks" really meant when it came to sleeping.
I had to tell myself repeatedly, "QSW, get up off the couch, do not fall asleep here, walk up the stairs, it'll only take 5 minutes to make it to the bed in PJs, you can do it."

That was the last I remembered until 2pm today, sitting at my office desk.
I sat down with my almond mocha, started typing and suddenly a flash of Mr. Lust picking me off the bed flashed into my head.
"Did that happen last night?" I thought.

Some more thinking.

"It did! Shit, why can't I remember this? (thinks about booze and tiredness) Did Mr. Lust take advantage? That's not like him...."

Then it all came rushing back to me...

I am a hussy when I'm drunk off of wine.

I remembered waking when Mr. Lust crawled into bed.
I remembered physically rolling him over and crawling on top off him.
I remembered getting him in the mood completely by saying "pull my hair, now."
And I remembered him taking control after that.

"Wow, QSW."
I know thats what you are saying, don't deny it.

It would explain his behavior this morning. Most of the time he wakes up and leaves without disturbing me, but this morning he woke me up to kiss me goodbye and to tell me he loved me.
Honestly I was surprised... but now that I think about last night... I think he thought of it when he woke and decided to thank me for it.

I'm a shameless, wine hussy.
One type of alcohol I refuse to drink at the Black Sparrow... for good reason.

Quote of the day:
Bret: "Issues that my children will face, and my children's children, and my children's children's children."
Jermaine: "I think we should stop with the children's children, because when kids start having kids that's just bad. I mean, you are going to get into this Russian Doll effect."

PENIS!!*

2008-02-05T09:25:00.000-08:00

*like the title? Good. It has nothing to do with this post.

Mr. Lust's sister is in town. I had a name for her, but I forgot it. We will just call her Birdie, because I lack creativity at the moment.

So Birdie arrived yesterday, and is staying until Friday.
Monday morning I got up with Mr. Lust and started doing laundry because I realized that there was no towels for the downstairs bathroom. I heard Mr. Lust leave without saying goodbye and I felt hurt. That hurt feeling lasted for 15 minutes when he reappeared downstairs with Starbucks coffee to give to me because I was doing towels for his sister.

That's more like it.

He left again, and I put the towels in the dryer and took a shower. When I returned, the towels were done, so I folded them up, and took them to the downstairs bathroom that Birdie was using.
I walked into it and realized that Mr. Lust and I had both forgotten that the shower had no curtain, no rod, no hangers.
Not the way I'd want to take a shower.
I checked my watch and I was running early, so I took off to Wal-Mart.
20 minutes later I was back with everything the bathroom needed, plus a mirror for Birdie's upstairs bedroom because the bathroom she is using is small and cramped.
I finished up and went to work.

Later that evening, Birdie arrived, hugged me, and thanked me for getting a mirror and shower curtain. She had been expecting to go to Wal-Mart and get the shower curtain, because she knew her little brother had forgotten it.
"Here is a present to the lady of the house!" she said, as she pulled out a very nice bottle of wine.
"Oh thank you! But, I'm not the lady of the house, you are!" I said.
She looked puzzled.
"Well, you are Mr. Lust's sister, technically you are closest to him and therefore the lady of the house."
(why do I open my mouth sometimes?)
"Oh, you are silly QSW, I wouldn't be surprised if you and I were sisters one day."
I laughed.
I laughed like Jemaine Clement, from Flight of the Conchords, did in the song "Jenny."

Aka, uncomfortable-like.

Suddenly it was as if a panic attack hit me and I had the sudden urge to tear the shower curtain to threads and get all my stuff out.
As if reading my thoughts, his sister says, "I'm surprised you don't have any stuff here yet."
"Well, I don't live here," it came out a little harsher than I expected, and his sister dropped the subject, thankfully.

The feeling remained the rest of the evening, and I ended up sleeping at 10:30pm. I woke up at 10am when my alarm went off. I picked up every article of clothing I had there, packed it all up, and I left for work.
It was only after sitting at work for 30 minutes did the panicky feeling die down and I felt calmer again about my relationship.

Why do I have to be so fucked up?
Matt - I begged for attention, I was hurt when he freaked out if I stayed two nights in a row at this apartment, I was shocked when he made me take my DVDs home immediately stating that he didn't want "anything but his own stuff" in his apartment.
NG - Three months I was semi-happy, at least I wasn't being hurt, just ignored a little too much. Then the 4th month hit, he took home some random broad from the bars and didn't bother to tell me, or break up with me, but the "little too much ignoring" turned into flat out ignoring.
Then there was Mr. Lust, who does none of the above, he's kind and sweet and generous,... and I freak out.

Overheard in a bar: QSW addition

2008-02-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

(Bartender tells joke)
Server: (laughs)
Customer #1: (laughs)
Customer #2: (gets a serious expression on her face and looks at Server) Your laugh is very experimental.

Door Man: Man, its slow for a Saturday night.
Bartender Man: Yea, I wish I hadn't forgotten my dildo.
Second Bartender Man: Yea, Me too.

Man: So, this kid is awesome, he has to go in for a major surgery twice a year to replace his feeding tube, yet he still smiles and runs around like there was nothing wrong with him.
Woman: That's sad and sweet at the same time.
Man: Yea, he probably won't live to see year 20.
Woman: You are going to make me cry.
Man: Just the fact that he's made it to age 6 means he beat the odds by 300%.
Woman: Oh god, I'm seriously depressed right now.
Man: Could you imagine life, knowing that you might not see the day that you could walk into a bar legally, or even go to college?
Woman: You are like the Hallmark channel that won't quit.

Lady: The chalkboard says, "Your just drunk." I hate it when people don't use "your" properly.
Friend: I hate that too. Seriously, its not a possessive on "just drunk."
Bartender (who was listening while cleaning): Oh. (goes and gets a ladder, climbs it, and changes it to "you're")
Lady: He must love me. He's correcting English for me.

Trumps and Tricks.

2008-01-31T10:24:00.000-08:00

Mr. Lust has a new house.
He's getting his sister's old couch.
Today we are suppose to go to Indy to get it.

Somehow Mr. Lust got confused on whether I worked or not (I work two different jobs, so sometimes when he asks "Do you work tomorrow?" and I say "yes" he assumes that I work late night) so he made plans to go down to Indy himself to get it.
He calls me while I'm at work and says to me, "Hey my sister wants you to know that she'll be here all week next week and she'll be staying at my place."
"Why doesn't she just tell me that herself?"
"Well, you didn't answer her last phone call..."
"But I'll see her tonight..."
"I thought you worked?"
"Yes, Until 5pm as a web designer."
"Oh, shoot, well... (tries to make a joke to cover up his mistake) then she just told me so that you could go buy wine for you guys to drink when she gets here."
*makes a noise which he quickly covers to say:
"We should get some cards to play while she's here, since you love Euchre so much."
"Euchre requires 4 people and when do you officially become an Uncle?"

I caught him completely off guard and his face was uncontrolled for a moment, a look of pride rolled across his face and then was quickly masked with a stoic expression.
"What are you talking about?"
"Mr. Lust, it's been four months, you cannot fool me."
"God Damnit, did you learn that trick from my mom?"
"All women are born with the innate ability to pry information from anything with a penis."
(pause)
"Plus, you have a little dimple that forms when you lie."
"My sister taught you that one."
"Yes, she did, and since that's how I found out she's pregnant, she can't get too mad that I know."
"Oh shit, You just got me out of a lot of trouble, thank you!"

I'm guessing she's just found out she's pregnant and she doesn't want people to know until she gets past that miscarriage stage. Either way, happy news since originally she thought she might be barren.